Am I being gaslit?

Do you have someone supportive who will be with you when you're in labour? Mum or sister?

Someone who you trust to advocate for you if its hard or long.

Sounds like he was ready to move on with the OW from work and the weekend together did not work out so he hoped to come home to you....

👏👏👏 you had moved out and not there waiting to play the pick me dance and put up with him and his gaslighting BS.

You deserve the best OP, I bet in the future you will be happy with an amazing DP and think thank goodness I did not fall for that gaslighting creep's BS!

Wishing you all the best OP sounds like you are one strong 💪 woman and have a good support network IRL.

Find your self-esteem, and do what is best for YOU and for your child from now on. Do it ruthlessly. If he doesn't want to be married to you he doesn't get to decide where you live or what you do.

I worked with a guy like you are describing years ago. Was shagging his way round the staffroom whilst his missus was bringing up their young daughter. Bin him off, you deserve better.

Fucking hell. I am so sorry you’re going through this. He’s a twat please don’t move in with him to co parent! Basically wants to spend unlimited time with his baby while YOU do all the work and he can skip about seeing whoever he wants and doing as he pleases! Dont let him away with it!

Divorce the bastard.

If he wants to coparent, which he doesn't, separate addresses are fine.

What he wants is housekeeping and sex on demand. Don't fall for his shit.

See a solicitor and take your mum. She will bolster you up and make sure this excuse of a man is taken to the cleaners.

Keep everything in a diary so all his shit is recorded.

He was lying to you from the beginning and will disappear from your life the minute you stand up to him. This will be a good thing.

@HeartyLilacFish OK girl! he has now lost the right to attend the birth of your baby. do not inform him when you are going to hospital. get yourself a new birthing partner. sort out the finances and get baby things moved, if poss, to your parents house temporarily. if the house is rented can you get his name taken off? can you get new locks? prepare for the worst and expect the best. he does not any longer have the right to see you in any state of undress so no attendance at the hospital. just inform him you have had the baby when you are home. you have to be strong here. and remember his parents also have no rights at all for visitation!!

Don't have therapy with this man, its not recommended that you go for therapy with someone who is abusing you. Stop trying to understand him or fix the relationship.
Focus on yourself and meeting your own needs.

Wow, he is a piece of shit of the highest order. Please get this man out of your life and get all the support you can from your family and friends. Your life will be much better without that disappointment of a man.

i thought counsellors were supposed to listen, and facilitate their patients to explore their feelings. NOT give advice about what their patients should do.

Glad to hear you have a good support network, and you're no longer in the same house as this jerky dude. Hope your midwife team is being supportive as well.

If he signed up for a school residential trip, does this mean he works as a teacher? That's good news - he'll be easy to find when it comes to getting child maintenance in the future (unlike guys who claim to be 'self-employed' but earning very little) - but I echo what other posters have said about not putting his name on the birth certificate, and not bending over backwards to any demands from him about visiting you and your brand new baby whenever he feels like it (or any unsupervised contact).

Do you know that's not true?

She definitely didn't say that.

(Unless he told her an extremely different version of events. Which is possible, clearly the lies trip of his tongue effortlessly)

Never mind gaslit you are on fire. Don’t look back

He's a bastard, one of the worst kind.

You need to get legal advice ASAP, keep this fucker at arm's length in every way, and focus on you and your baby. Find your rage, he's treated you and your baby like absolute shit and he deserves fuck all of you.

If the advice regarding co-parenting came from someone you are both seeing for counselling, I’d consider finding a better counsellor. If your ex is telling you his counsellor said this, take it with a very large pinch of salt. Whatever the reasons, this man is far too unreliable and chaotic to be any sort of parent or partner.

What mental health problem does he have that allows him to attend events/meals/holidays but not speak to his pregnant wife?

Its BS.

Hello @HeartyLilacFish so sorry to hear you are dealing with this at such a difficult time. I am also 8 months pregnant with a husband who upped and left with no explanation. I have been trying to wrap my head around it all but realised I cannot change things. I've sent you a PM see you have a great network and I'm lucky to have the same however know that they can't truly understand what I'm going through.

I am not sure you are being gaslit, I think he’s just a lying twat. It’s funny how these “mental health problems” never result in them spending time with Malcolm from accounts or 60 year old Beryl from the canteen. It’s always always with a woman they are interested in. Such horseshit. He can be as “shocked” as he wants that you’ve moved out, but tough shit. Does he really think you’ll just hang around whilst he fucks about “finding himself” (which actually involves finding out if said other woman will take him). Any person who behaves like this isn’t worth your time.
Start divorce proceeding asap and don’t look back. I fear he will have very little involvement in your child’s life so build your support network and don’t listen to another word he says.

I’m so sorry what an absolute shit head, sending you a hand hold you and your baby don’t deserve this