To ask guest to leave for smoking in the bedroom?

I would not invite them at all. No way in hell. They can stay at their own home rolling their eyes at you, so you don’t have to put up with it. Rude idiots.

Well done for asking her to leave after she disrespected your requirements of no smoking in your home. She had already done it once and you asked her not to; she did. I have very few house 'rules' but smoking is a definite NO in my home. You have been more than reasonable; don't let her victim style response get to you

I do feel incredibly guilty. I've known her my whole life. It's caused all kinds of issues and I feel awful that she's now sleeping on the floor on cushions, even though her actions caused all this

why on earth would you feel guilty? It's really not hard not to smoke in a house. Go into the garden to smoke. Easy.

She has to be really really stupid to smoke at all. Quite apart from the health risks, it turns your skin yellow and lined and makes your breath stink.

There is zero need for you to feel guilty.

I don't think you were harsh. It's about the disrespect she showed you anxious your home and her attitude.

YANBU. You already told her your boundary, and she pissed all over it when she is capable of not overstepping that same boundary in her parents' house. So, it's not that she can't help herself or control her impulses, she just doesn't respect you or care about hurting you.

Everyone walks on eggshells around her? F*ck that too. That is her placing greatest importance on her own feelings and intimidating others in to doing the same. All whilst giving zero consideration to anyone else's feelings.

You feel sorry for her and that you have some sense of responsibility for making her life easier. You don't, this is just how she makes you feel because it serves her sense of being the most important person in the world.

I'd have zero guilt about stepping away from this "friendship".

Gosh, has my sister been staying with you?!

You are not in the wrong!

Janedoe82 · Today 09:45
You were a bit harsh.

Completely disagree. The woman was told clearly no smoking and she ignored it and lied. Awful behaviour.

It takes a long time for the stink to dissipate. I’d have been really angry.

Really? Wow.

She was told the house rules, acted like a petulant child and disobeyed them anyway. Do you want the OP to be a complete doormat all her life?

OP, it doesn't sound like the friendship dynamics are all that great anyway so you are best leaving her on a relative's floor.

She hasn’t respected your very basic rule, there is no way I’d tolerate anyone smoking in my house, it’s disgusting, it stinks and lasts forever, it’s really difficult to get rid of the smell. You’ve done nothing wrong, she has. You shouldn’t have to ‘button your lip’ when someone does this. It’s way over a boundary. She’s cut her nose off to spite her face refusing to return because you told her no smoking. Who smokes upstairs?!

Came to say exactly the same!

YNBU. You explicitly told her not to smoke indoors. I’m a smoker and would never smoke in anybody else’s house. Even when they say it’s okay I still go outside. I don’t smoke in my own home so wouldn’t in anyone else’s.

Yanbu! And il go as far as to say she's NOT your friend. I can't imagine a friend being so kind to let me stay over, and doing the one thing they had specifically asked me not to do! She's a cheeky cow. All of my family are smokers and I'm constantly met with eye rolls asking them to smoke outside, with the door closed. I struggle to put up with it and would definitely not be putting up with it from a CF friend staying over for free. Do you even benefit from this friendship or is it all one sided?

Yanbu and I'm saying that as a smoker. If you are staying in someone's home you follow their rules end off.

@FgsMary I used to smoke rollups many years ago, and I too used to have a night time rollup leaning out of the window of my friend's house.

She asked that I don't do it, as the smell can blow back in.

What I used to do after that was take a walk up the lane- in the cold and the rain sometimes, at midnight.

Her lovely husband said ''I don't even allow my own mum to smoke in the house or out of windows''..

Now, as a many years non smoker, I absolutely understand how smelly tobacco is.
You absolutely are not unreasonable.

Your friend is undoubtedly ''addicted'' to nicotine , but there is nicotine gum that helps!

She doesn't need to be stinking out people's houses.

Why are you friends with an aggressive person?!

Please don't feel guilt tripped.

IF your friend quits smoking she will realise what a stinky habit it is.

YANBU.

“She is a very tricky person anyway. Very aggressive, confrontational, awkward, selfish, bullying at the best of times”

Don’t give it another thought op! She got what was coming to her by the sound of it!

There are enough reasons there ^ without adding to the list!

Are you beholden to her in some way through familial ties? It worries me that you were “determined to button your lip” when someone is a bully and is aggressive and causes you to walk around on eggshells?

She sounds like the very opposite of a friend. Proper friends don’t behave this way! You were being kind by offering her hospitality. But she is not being kind or respectful in return.

Ask yourself are you so keen to appease her? Why are you second guessing yourself? Why do you want to continue the friendship?

I mean, that should tell you all about her lack of respect for you.

I know it's hard for us to get a true understanding of the complexities of a relationship on MN, so appreciate a lot of replies are black and white.... why is she a friend? Dump her.

However, she trampled your boundaries and has no respect for your property so you were well within your rights to ask her to leave. She's now staying with her parents, albeit not in the most comfortable place, so is safe. You say she won't learn from this and respect people from now on, that's not your problem - so perhaps her parents should try educate her.

Don't feel guilty, and don't have her back!

@FgsMary

Absolutely right [though it shows how difficult the "addiction" makes it]

No she's not, and I say that as a smoker.

"She is a very tricky person anyway. Very aggressive, confrontational, awkward, selfish, bullying at the best of times"

Why on Earth would you want to be friends with somebody like this?!

You did the right thing. She should have respected your boundaries but instead she thought that what she wanted to do in YOUR house was more important than your wishes…
I wouldn’t allow anybody to smoke in my house (or vape)…

I think it's gross and completely reasonable to expect them to follow your house rules.
We had someone staying who smoked in their bedroom. It was also my dd's bedroom, so really made me see red. He hasn't returned. (Was very upset I made such a fuss and definitely created an atmosphere for the remainder of their stay.)

You asked her not to smoke In your house and she did anyway.. absolutely spot on kicking her out.

She's not a friend, you are not beholden to her. She sounds like a pain in the arse that you've had to put up with. Time to cut ties.