To ask guest to leave for smoking in the bedroom?

You chucked her out. That was ballsy. Well done!

Well you tried your best, so you shouldn't feel guilty for anything.

I knew someone like this, unfortunately they died young, but when alive made everyone's life difficult including their own.

You can't help them, they can't help themselves, it's lose/lose.

Maybe you could take one of the parents house guests as a swap so the friend isn't on the floor. You might find the other houseguest is glad to get away from the tornado of shit.

Not the bad guy. You made it clear that you are smoke free house and she didn't respect that. I would have asked her to leave too.

Why should you have "buttoned your lip"? That's how these awful people get away with awful behaviour

And breathtakingly arrogant, entitled, ignorant, disrespectful, a liar, and an all round shit non-friend .

You were right It wasn't just the smoking, it was the disregard for your feelings on the matter after you had already told her you didn't want smoking in your house. Considering most people don't want that and that you can't smoke inside any indoors public space then it should have been obvious to her that her actions were unacceptable.

And now you can have the rest of the 3 weeks back! Instead of being miserable. She broke a major household rule several times, asking her to leave is the minimum response.

This

You set a boundary, she broke it and felt the consequences ( had to leave)
Why are you allowing her to guilt trip you?

Just ignore her
She sounds awful and not a friend

You told her no smoking in the house. She was in the house when she was smoking. She knew your rules and she broke them.

She isn't a victim here. She knew what she was doing.

This is all valid but in reality what happens is people don't learn and they adopt a victim mentality. At best they may accept I got that wrong and my friend doesn't want to be friends with me.

They don't actually do the work of change until they look at themselves with a degree of compassion. They need to work on themselves.

Well she ruined it, this is on her not you. She could have gone into the garden at night she chose not to, and faced consequences.

Jaysus even apart fiom the smoking she sounds like a nightmare, she doesn't sound like a friend to me, don't worry about it, she was told your very basic "house rule" & broke it

Yanbu
She's really out of order and disrespectful.

Be thankful she has gone and do not allow her back.

Let her relatives find out how bad mannered and disrespectful she is.

Sounds like you've gone above and beyond OP.

Whatever people's life problems there's no excuse to be rude, agressive and unpleasant to people who are helping you.

She could have chosen to smoke outside but she'd rather sulk.
She's most likely sleeping on the floor in a house where she can't smoke inside and wouldn't dare to, in her mind, punish you.
I know people like this and they have a weird way of thinking.

Basically an even less self aware version of - She won't let me do what I want, she's horrible, I'm going to put myself in a worse situation and she will feel really guilty because it's all her fault. She will beg my forgiveness in the end and not be mean again and then I can always do what I want.

I don't understand why you respect yourself so little that even after she's upset you, ignored your simple request not to smoke in the house, and then refused to apologise, you're telling her she can come back. The reason people behave like this is because no one has stood up to them like they should have, they just keep enabling and enabling the bad behaviour. Instead don't speak to her any more and don't listen to anyone that tries to tell you to support her. Adults make their own choices about how to behave. She's chosen her way - to be rude and selfish. It's on you that you keep letting her behave like this. Well done for throwing her out, never let anyone across your doorstep again who doesn't respect you abd your home.

YANBU. Don’t feet guilty OP. Trying changing “smoking” to “doing a poo on the floor”. Then you won’t feel bad about asking her to leave.

You sound like a complete doormat. Why are you like this?

But you already told her no and then gave her a second chance. How many second chances does a grown adult need with a simple request in respecting someone else's home?

Not being unreasonable.

How can an abuse of someone's hospitality, especially when they've expressly asked you not to do something, in any way be unreasonable?

Do not grovel to her.

Your friend is "Very aggressive, confrontational, awkward, selfish, bullying ".

Get better friends. She sounds awful at the best of times.

I don't think you were harsh. I would not allow anyone to smoke in my house, and would also ask someone to leave if they couldn't respect my wishes. Don't go crawling to her. She doesn't sound like she's much of a loss in terms of friendships.

Really this whole thread should be about you working on your mindset rather than this situation with your friend your guilt is misplaced

all you should be feeling is I set perfectly reasonable boundaries and enforced them. It doesn’t feel nice I had to and I do feel for the person I had to do it to (because I’m a human who cares) but it was perfectly ok to do that.

You feel awful because she won’t take any responsibility for her side of things she is making out like you are being unfair and emotionally trying to guilt you.

you did nothing wrong.
You tried to put a boundary in place that she then tried to break to get her own way (as she seems to do with everything that isn’t her own way) then lie about because she knows she was wrong.
in response you didn’t allow her to break or lie about it so you enforced a consequence.
instead of putting her hands up and going ok I got caught I’m sorry can we start again she kicked off and turned it around on you.

i see you don’t want to cut her out @FgsMary and that’s ok it’s your choice but then you have to put things in place to make it as ok as you can to be in your little and this is a great example of that.

you have certain hard limitations
if she crosses them then you enforce some type of protection to show she has crossed a line that you won’t put up with.
she won’t be happy but every time will learn how far she can push and won’t do it again (or will but will know there will be repercussions)
you won’t be happy enforcing it but you will feel ok about not allowing yourself to be squashed under her behaviour.

eventually she will still be difficult to be around but probably won’t try as hard to get her own way (like she knows she can’t get away with smoking at parents house) and you will feel better about yourself and friendship

you will feel safer knowing you can and will be strong enough to be around her and put your needs into the situation and hopefully seeing her won’t be as full of drama.

I think she behaved terribly and dont think you were harsh at all. Your home, your rules. She disrespected your boundary, and was told to leave as a consequence.

That's all there is to it.

The guilt tripping is irrelevant beyond a sign that she doesn't respect you or your home. Who cares if someone so selfish and manipulative doesn't want to be friends? You're ALREADY NOT FRIENDS.