To ask guest to leave for smoking in the bedroom?

YANBU, in our house it's no-smoking 100%, not under the hob, not out of the window, not anywhere. I will happily bring you a blanket and an ashtray if you want to smoke in the garden. I've had similar issues with the (ex)fiancee of a friend, she smoked in my kitchen over the food I painstakingly prepared! And later she smoked in the presence of 3 babies ánd a person with asthma. She claimed it was cold outside, so I replied I didn't force her to smoke...... I never regretted throwing her out.

YANBU asking her to leave but I don’t understand why you agreed to let her stay in the first place, or even why you’re friends with her at all if she’s “Very aggressive, confrontational, awkward, selfish, bullying.” I would eject her from my life, never mind my house!

So now you feel like shite through no fault of your own… why should you feel you should have buttoned your lip?

The woman is clearly disrepectful and careless with other people’s feelings. Has no regard for any of you.

Unless you are some sort of trained professional who can deal with mental health issues or simply bad behaviour, this isn’t on you to put up with.

sounds like she needs people to pick her up on her bad behaviour and stop pandering to her. Her parents should never have asked you to allow their daughter to stay at yours and they should have managed her time of stay better. Why do they have a house full of guests exactly when she is due to arrive? Surely the houseguests would have left knowing the daughter was due to arrive to make space for her?

anyhow all of this isn’t for you to deal with, esp as she isn’t a friend. Move on, you went over and above.

I'm a smoker and don't even smoke in my own house let alone anyone else's... and I'd certainly never smoke in a bedroom. 🤢

Problem solved then if she's got herself sorted. Don't feel guilty in the least. All those adjectives about being a controlling and aggressive person.... why would you want someone like that around you???well shot of them

I'm trying to imagine lighting up in someone's house after they've expressly asked me not to. It's outrageously rude and disrespectful. She deserved everything she got and I would shut down anyone who tried to pass on any of her whinging about it.

You were right she sounds like a not very nice person , & selfish
too many fires have been started with idiots smoking in bedrooms!

I’m an ex-smoker and have been vaping for the last 10.5 yrs since I gave up smoking.

When I visit my non smoking/non vaping friends, I NEVER vape in their homes (let alone spark up a cigarette when I was a smoker!). I go without until I leave. And if I was that desperate I’d ask if I could go to the garden. Hell, I take my shoes off when going to someone’s home without even being asked!
Even if I go out for a meal with a friend, I won’t go outside to vape and leave them at the table on their own. I’ll just wait until I’m back in my car.

If someone has a boundary in THEIR home, you respect it. If you think it would be too hard for you to do that, then stay somewhere else.

She crossed a boundary and was disrespectful to you and your home.

Your home, your rules.

I absolutely cannot stand smoking probably because I grew up in a house where my parents smoked. Every time I get a faint whiff I do the arm waving and look around to give a look to the smoker. It hurts my eyes, throat, and the smell is awful. My mum now vapes and she is one of those sneaky vapers having a puff here and there when no one’s watching. In shops, etc. In my home, where I’ve previously asked her not to.

You did the right thing asking your friend to leave. Don’t let her make you feel guilty.

Not unreasonable, and I say that as a smoker. I wouldn't smoke in someone's house unless they were also lighting up; and even then I wouldn't smoke in a bedroom. I smoke outside at home, unless it's raining, in which case I smoke in a specific area by the back door.

Why on earth would you ask someone to come back to your home who is, in your words ‘very aggressive, confrontational, awkward, selfish, bullying’?! A friend doesn’t break your house rule about smoking and then lie about it. She isn’t your friend.

@FanSaBhaile think you're right there! Perhaps it's taking affect during her posting.

A bit harsh but as she isn't very nice I wouldn't be too upset

Just say, OK- I was just checking in on you.

You're not wrong to ask this person to leave, OP, she defied a really clear and reasonable instruction. Even if you'd never said 'Don't smoke indoors', imagine being in a non-smoker's house and thinking it would be acceptable to smoke inside?

Even smokers who don't smoke in their homes... they go outside to smoke, the fug comes back in with them, they stink of smoke and so do their homes. One of my friends always asked me whether her house smelled of smoke, she was so proud that she didn't smoke indoors. I didn't have the heart to tell her.

Cigarette smoke stinks. The only worse thing is weed.

I do have sympathy, I'm an ex-smoker myself but have never regretted or craved a cigarette since. It's a terrible thing to be dependent on cigarettes because they're just not acceptable for most people now and the smoker is fixated on their next fag.

I don't know what the poster likening it to alcohol was talking about, it's not comparable at all.

When she was 16 my step daughter was categorically told no smoking in my flat when she stayed with us. Even when I smoked I smoked outside as my husband didn’t smoke and had had secondary lung cancer (resulting from a completely different type). She did and lied about it even though I could smell it and found three cigarette ends in the kitchen bin and a little glass pot I used for dipping sauces with more in. She was told to hand over her cigarettes if she wasn’t going to abide by my one rule when she stayed with us she and she wouldn’t. She was then asked to leave. So no YANBU

If she can afford cigarettes she could afford a Travelodge

I lent my sister my car on the proviso she didn't smoke in it. She smoked in it. She told me she smoked but had the window open. She's never got her backside in it since. Cheeky cow.

You are not being unreasonable. She can't be any kind of friend if she disrespects you like that. I'd say she sounds like a bully. Well done for dumping her.

It's on her, not you op. You asked her not to and she ignored you, so you did right in asking her to leave.
Don't let her pull the pity party stunt on you.
I would do exactly the same as I don't allow smoking in my home.
The only person I did allow to was my father in law, who smoked a pipe because he was old and not too steady on his feet, so he would go into the conservatory with the door open and sit down beside it for a puffathon as we called it.
Anyone else would be given a hard no.
Don't feel guilty.

I would read you message back to yourself and decide if this "friend" who is agressive, confrontational and awkward and clearly lacks respect for you is a.friemd at all?

Don't feel guilty. She's in the wrong, rude cow. You did the only thing you could.

Honestly, smoking is vile. Who does it inside someone's home, sneakily, despite being asked not to? Rude & entitled.

YANBU - Your home your rules. Would you be worrying l8ke this if she had been taking drugs 🤔
No? Well don't give it a second thought. She was the one being unreasonable. She's found somewhere else to stay quick enough. If she wants to sleep on the floor, rather than buying a blow up camp bed, that's her perogative. Doesn't sound like a very nice 'friend' anyway by what you say of her and the way she has treated your home and 'playing the victim' since leaving. Good riddance and well done for standing upto her!

How dare she. So disrespectful. She got off lightly, I would have hit the roof. Better off without 'friends ' like her.