To ask guest to leave for smoking in the bedroom?

It's not harsh at all. You set out your rules of no smoking in the house and she went behind your back. What would have happened if her sneaky fag ended up accidentally setting fire to your curtains in the bedroom etc. Don't feel guilty for having rules in your own home

And all the issues are if her own making. She’s gaslighting you to think you’re the bad guy when she’s the one who’s 100% at fault.

The it does sound like it’s quite an unbalanced friendship where she acts like an entitled brat and you back down to her.

Well done for standing up to her - now stand firm and don’t let her bully you again

I don’t want to be an armchair psychologist but what kind of upbringing have you received that you feel guilty over something completely normal?

You have not done anything wrong, she did and she’s facing natural consequences of her own behaviour.

It doesnt sound like you actually like her... which is fine, don't have to be friends with everyone we were mates with at school.

You asked if she needed to come back to yours, but shes sorted out elsewhere now.

Def not harsh

Your home . Your rules

She knew rules. She delib broke then after you said no smoking in home

She is lucky to have a floor to sleep on at another friends house

Is she smoking there

Even the relative I really dislike (an in law) wouldn't dare smoke in our house or garden. He knows he has to walk down the road, I won't stand any nonsense.

Are you sure your friend is actually a nice person OP? Or simply someone you know who wanted free accommodation?

She is a very tricky person anyway. Very aggressive, confrontational, awkward, selfish, bullying at the best of times

It doesn’t sound as if you particularly like her or that she is a friend, so I wouldn’t feel bad about the friendship ending based on this alone. Smoking in the house would also be a definite no from me as well.

I’m a smoker and I’d never dream
of smoking in someone else’s home.

I think perhaps texting telling her not to come back was a bit harsh if it was in response to an apology from her, but she doesn’t sound very nice - so sod it.

She clearly is no friend!

Your house your rules. I would never ever let anyone smoke in my house, I had a chain smoker relative visiting and she was sent outside. I’m an ex smoker myself.

You are being extremely unreasonable for feeling guilty about setting a healthy and perfectly normal boundary.

OP - she's aggressive, bullying, confrontational and more.

None of those things sit well with a great friendship.

She seems to have done a great job on you to make you feel guilty and obligated.

Well done for asking her to leave. I'd continue to work on your self esteem in terms of this 'friendship' and loosen ties with her.

Nah, she outstayed her welcome for multiple reasons, not just the smoking. She has somewhere to stay, so just write it - and her - off.

Why do you think that?

Why are you friends with this Very aggressive, confrontational, awkward, selfish, bullying person?

You were right to have her leave

She sounds dreadful. You did the right thing.

She possibly wants you to beg her to come back and to say she can smoke in the house. I think she was out of order to smoke in the kitchen and in the bedroom especially when you told her not to. Keep strong!

Interested to hear replies. My brother and my mum are like this.

I will repeatedly say close the balcony door if you smoke. They just can't do it. Every time they stand with it open and it blows back in. I just can't understand why a simple instruction cannot be followed. And why I have to repeat it. And when I do why its met with rolling eyes. Its my house. I try saying it in different ways, would you mind, don't forget etc. And I'm met with 'oh are you still doing that are you' with a negative tone. I should add too, I have a respiratory condition. I don't invite them over often.

All she had to do for free accommodation and food was follow a simple rule, instead she disrespected you and your home.

is it a bit harsh? Maybe
Is it a good lesson? Yes
will she think twice before stinking up someone else’s home? Most probably

your mistake was asking her to come back… now she is “punishing you” by guilting you and sleep on a floor.

leave her there and don’t have to stay again. Cheeky mare!

YWNBU at all apart from asking her to come back. Blatant lack of respect for you and your home. Rude bastard!

I'm a smoker and I don't think you were being unreasonable in the slightest! Many, many smokers don't smoke in their own homes, the ones I know of would never smoke in their own bedrooms nevermind someone elses.

Don't let her stay again. She was being rude, selfish and immature

Not harsh at all. She’s a rude ignorant entitled cow. No one with any basic manners lights up indoors without checking first if it’s ok and then to smoke indoors again after you told her not to - nah she’d be straight out of mine.

I have a couple of friends who smoke and they don’t even smoke in their own houses let alone anyone else’s. She’s a CF. Let her book a hotel - then pay the £1000 fine if she lights up inside

This is totally on her - no guilt from you at all

Absolutely no way would I smoke in my own house let alone someone else’s .