To ask guest to leave for smoking in the bedroom?

You'd told her once. Adults should not have to be told these things several times. It's your home. YANBU.

I haven't read every reply so I don't know if anyone else has mentioned it, but apart from the respiratory issues and basic lack of respect many house fires are caused by smoking. You are certainly not unreasonable OP, and shouldn't feel guilty.

Wow, entitlement level of mother & brother are high. I doubt they are forgetting, they are selfish and making a point. Especially with you having a respiratory issue, honestly what is wrong with them. I wouldn't want them around much either.

You said no smoking so she sparks up in the bedroom. How dare she disrespect your home and hospitality like that. Not only is it rude it’s also potentially very dangerous supposing she dropped the damn thing and it had caused a fire.

I'm sure all the family could chip in for a blow-up mattress and pump?

*THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

YANBU or in the slightest bit harsh. You have behaved in a very kind manner.

She has brought this all on herself, she has made her bed and she can lie in it.

I will never understand people who think that their individual wants trump their hosts house rules, and they cannot walk a few steps to leave the house and go smoke in the garden.

In the long run, you will have done her a huge favour, although I can appreciate at this moment in time it feels uncomfortable.

You’re getting a hard time here about being friends with her. I get it, old friendships are the ones you stick with people especially when you know the life that has made the person who they are. But it works both ways, don’t worry about kicking her out, sounds like a blip in a long relationship and an important stand for you to make. so she learns that there is only so far she can push it with you. Sounds like she already knows that with the other relative where she is now.
And now she knows how far she can push you too.

I think your friend's on Mumsnet, Op.

No way were you too harsh. Even if it’s friendship over, is it really a loss?! She sounds awful.

Totally with you op. That’s so rude and disrespectful to smoke in your home. I don’t think you did anything wrong. She needs to apologise

Friend?

She is a very tricky person anyway. Very aggressive, confrontational, awkward, selfish, bullying at the best of times

I'm just not sure I'd invite someone that has those characteristics to stay at my house, but it's done.

I don't feel you were to harsh, it was pretty rude of them to smoke in your house even before you'd ask them not to so once asked I feel it's a kind of fu@k you I'll do as I please attitude in return from them.

These type of people only get away with their behaviour due to not being stood up to, they had a choice once you'd asked them to stop and that choice was to ignore your request to effectively stink you're house out and continue to smoke.

It's caused all kinds of issues

It didn't cause any issues your friend caused the issues.

Hopefully if you invite them again they'll have some respect for your feelings.

YANBU

I smoke (a lot less than I used too thankfully) but I do not feel YABU at all here
Its YOUR house, you do not want somebody smoking in it and she should have respected that.
DM has a no smoking indoors rule (Vapes are acceptable) and that is fine, I step out into the garden if I have one.
You are not at fault here OP

You haven’t had my mother staying with you, have you?

She is exactly like this. It’s so upsetting. Not just your house, your rules, it’s a health hazard and the smell permeates the house when it blows back in.

I had a screaming row with DM when she did this when I was 8 months pregnant. I’m not usually a screamer but hormones and late pregnancy…

The way you describe her isn’t very complimentary. Do you actually like her? What do you get out of the friendship?

(YANBU, btw)

YANBU in every respect, except for asking her to come back after she'd been so disrespectful towards you.

She sounds a terrible friend you asked her not to smoke in your house she smoked in your house. She can moan and groan all she likes she still smoked In your house.

Jesus Christ. OP kindly lets piss-taking woman stay in the house, sets a boundary which piss-taking woman duly ignores, and you think she was harsh?

You're not a rehab facility. You can't fix her. Save your energies and your kindness for yourself, you deserve to be nice to yourself.

Maybe she'll finally learn something from this episode.

I always find posts like this a bit strange where people list all the things wrong with someone “She is a very tricky person anyway. Very aggressive, confrontational, awkward, selfish, bullying at the best of times” ok she’s sounds awful, why would you want anything to do with her??? She’s disrespected you, you’ve got rid of her and now you feel bad about this??? 🤷‍♀️

I think it all depends on context. Drink clouds judgement and causes people to make decisions that ultimately they wouldn't if they were sober. It gives people a sense of invincibility which in certain situations can be fatal to others, to suggest drinking only affects the drinker is rather foolish.

I have no idea why the metaphorical wailing and gnashing of teeth.

She's not very nice, and completely disregarded your very reasonable request to not smoke inside.

So what if she's uncomfortable? She literally made her bed.

YANBU. I know relationships can be complicated, but she doesn't sound like the type of house guest you'd want or be able to tolerate.

Exactly. If I drink I don't leave your hair and clothes stinking of alcohol and I don't damage your lungs.