To ask guest to leave for smoking in the bedroom?

Why do you care for someone that doesn't give a shit about you.
Shell never change as you well know.
When she goes back home just leave her there,don't give her a 2nd thought.
Her parents know what she's like,they helped shape her.

You asked once, she did it again and you told her to leave. I think you done the right thing.

You're being far too harsh on yourself here. Flip your reasoning on it's head and ask yourself why couldn't she, (a grown woman), control her behaviour for only 3 weeks? She's the one doing this to herself, you've done nothing unreasonable.

Absolutely approporiate to ask her to leave. She prioritised smoking over your relationship. You were clear about your expectations that she not smoke. She violated those and didn’t it sneakily. Smoke in your furnishings is not easily reversible so it’s not just a little thing. I’m sorry you felt you needed to reverse yourself.

Tbh I wouldn't have had someone like you've described as a guest anyway. And no, definitely not being unreasonable to ask her to leave.

OP, I know you've explained, but the fact you willingly welcomed into your home a person who's well known to be "very tricky, very aggressive, confrontational, awkward, selfish, bullying at the best of times" truly beggars belief.

Doesn't matter if she's a childhood 'friend', it doesn't sound as though she's adding anything to your life. The fact you say she's still welcome at your house, and you "feel so wretched and should have just buttoned my lip for 3 weeks" speaks of an incredibly unhealthy dynamic between the two of you. You're better off without people like that in your life, she's no friend really, and it's actually rather sad that you consider a bullying, selfish, aggressive individual a good enough friend of yours to put up at your home for 3 weeks.

I would have kicked her out after the first incident in the kitchen.

Some may be asking not because they want to see the answer again, but for the poster to seriously consider for herself why the heck she got involved in the first place knowing what she did about Ms Smoker…

@changeme4this

Not according to themselves. They're commenting because they're not reading thr thread. It's what posters continuously do. In this case, though, the op keeps explaining herself hence my comment TO HER

Some may be asking not because they want to see the answer again, but for the poster to seriously consider for herself why the heck she got involved in the first place knowing what she did about Ms Smoker…

OP has asked AIBU so people are answering her question. The ‘friend’ appears to get away with appalling behaviour because OP and the parents allow it. Posters are entitled to express their opinions.

@Skodacool

No. People keep asking her the same question which she's answered 10 times. I didn't say people shouldn't respond to her thread. I said she should stop repeating the answer and PP can read her posts themselves.

Sorry but you're not BU at all! She broke a massive rule! I used to smoke and, even when I did, smoking was banned in my house. It's absolutely gross and smells awful, along with making all the fabric in that room stink and needing a solid wash!
She should not have disrespected you in that way! And that's what this is all about, blatant disrespect!
Bless you for feeling bad, but she clearly doesn't feel similarly. As she is making herself out to be the victim, it shows you how she feels about the situation.

I wuld make it crystal clear, if not done so already, that smoking inside the house is absolutely forbidden and will result in her being immediately kicked out !
I know this may seem somewhat extreme, but I grew up with a Mum and stepdad who were at one pint both 50+ a day smokers and teenage yours truly had to wash out the nasty stinky ash trays daily.
As an adult looking to buy a property, I have refused to have a second viewing on any property where a smoker was in residence because the paintwork was stained with nicotine and all the soft furnishings stank and would need to be replaced before I was willing to set foot in there ever again.

I don't think you were being unreasonable by asking her to leave. You had already asked her not to smoke in your house. You now have the task of cleaning the bedroom of the smoke smell.
I'm surprised that she even lit up in your kitchen as the majority of homes now are nonsmoking even if the people in the house are smokers.

Yanbu.
no way would I let anyone smoke anywhere in my house.
you gave her a second chance after she smoked in the kitchen and she smoked in the house again. 100% her fault.

She’s have been gone the minute she lighted up in my kitchen. No one smokes in my house and not asking first if it’s okay is very rude.

@FgsMary She is a very tricky person anyway. Very aggressive, confrontational, awkward, selfish, bullying at the best of times but I'd bit my lip for a week and it had mainly been OK.

Why are you friends with her?

Beg her. She’ll come running, & continue to smoke in your home, & you’ll allow her to. Don’t be such a door mat OP!

I’m a smoker but always go outside, and this would piss me off too. What is she, 15?!!

You were completely in the right and she is a CF.

"She is a very tricky person anyway. Very aggressive, confrontational, awkward, selfish, bullying at the best of times...."

And she's a friend. Are you really that desperate for friends? Get rid.

@FgsMary just please don’t think any of it’s your fault. You have perfectly reasonable house rules which she chose to ignore. Everything that’s happened is due to her own poor choices. She could have had a comfortable place to stay but she had so little respect for you/your home she couldn’t even follow them for free board and lodging! Doesn’t sound like she will learn her lesson - again, her issue.

@ForestForever I’m sorry that my comment about the OP’s friend not being welcome came across negatively and as if I was being snarky. That was not at all my intention.

I was trying to make the point that, clearly, the OP’s friend is not welcome at the OP’s house because the OP would prefer her not to be there.

And I think you know exactly what I mean because you mention in your post above that you know as well as I do that the OP’s friend has had her invitation to stay rescinded.

Not unreasonable at all. I've just stayed at my friend's house and I vape. He doesn't want me doing it in the house and I respect that. It doesn't exactly kill me to sit in the garden and vape. Anyway it's your house and your rules. She sounds like a pain in the rear aside from the smoking issue

What a ridiculous comment. “And why did you see she’s welcome any time? She clearly isn’t.” By the sounds of it the OP has been more than accommodating to this woman who has no respect for anybody in her life let alone the OP. I’m sure if she actually bothered to follow and respect the OPs perfectly reasonable rules then she would be welcome any time. She hasn’t, so she’s had her invitation rescinded and rightly so. Why are you trying to drive the boot into the OP who is clearly having a tough time with a friend who has well and truly tried to take advantage of her? You must have very little productivity going on in your life if you feel the need to behave like this to strangers seeking advice on the internet.

I’m an ex smoker and I never smoked in my own home, let alone anyone else’s. It’s a totally reasonable boundary to have and it’s not like walking downstairs to stand outside was some great hardship for her. YANBU.