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AIBU?

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Original poster

Who’s in the wrong?

62 replies

Cluborange666 · 05/07/2024 21:35

Not feeling well today - cold with headache, mild flu symptoms. I get my husband to make some chicken mince out of the fridge into meatballs and serve with naans and salad. An easy dinner for him and DS as he is a bad cook, Other DS is a veggie so had pre-made falafel.
Normally I make meatballs and I make them without egg as I am intolerant to it (not allergic) but it makes me feel ill. I didn’t have any dinner as I didn’t feel like it.
Later I go into the fridge and ask husband if I can eat a (cooked)meatball as they look nice. He watches me eat it then at the end I realise it had egg in it. I’m upset as I already felt unwell.
i asked him why he didn’t remind me. His answer is, “Well you forgot too.” I am upset as he never looks out for me. He says he can’t be expected to remember things (even though he made them). He thinks I am illogical and equating love with remembering things.
He is on the waiting list to be diagnosed with autism. I’m so fed up. I’m n/c with my family (abuse) and I’ve had years of him thinking that my things are ‘my’ things and nothing to do with him. The marriage is in a bad way. He thinks I am unreasonable. I always feel like no one has my back because actually no one does.
I told him to fuck off and am now sitting on my bed.

OP posts:
NewName24 · 05/07/2024 23:51

MonsteraMama · 05/07/2024 22:52

In this one situation I'd say your in the wrong. Yes in an ideal world he'd remember, but he forgot and to be fair so did you. You're the one with the intolerance so really it's on you to make sure you don't eat something you're intolerant to.

And telling him to fuck off puts you squarely in the wrong.

But this isn't about the meatball is it? In a healthy marriage this would be a non-issue, or a minor "oh you berk" moment. This whole situation is a symptom of you feeling like he doesn't care about you enough to remember things about you. The meatball is your straw, and in that sense you're not being unreasonable.

This, completely.

I told him to fuck off

If you think this is a reasonable way to communicate with your dh, you've got bigger problems than you seem to think you have.

MonsteraMama · 05/07/2024 22:52

In this one situation I'd say your in the wrong. Yes in an ideal world he'd remember, but he forgot and to be fair so did you. You're the one with the intolerance so really it's on you to make sure you don't eat something you're intolerant to.

And telling him to fuck off puts you squarely in the wrong.

But this isn't about the meatball is it? In a healthy marriage this would be a non-issue, or a minor "oh you berk" moment. This whole situation is a symptom of you feeling like he doesn't care about you enough to remember things about you. The meatball is your straw, and in that sense you're not being unreasonable.

gamerchick · 05/07/2024 22:37

There is absolutely no way I would watch someone eat something I knew made them feel ill and not say anything. Not a chance. Anyone who would do that is a bit of a twat.

I'm sorry OP. Feel better and maybe watch your back. Your husband has a bit of a mean streak.

Mayorq · 05/07/2024 22:34

Cluborange666 · 05/07/2024 22:27

Thanks all. I think I’m just feeling sorry for myself.

I'm feeling sorry for your husband

AmelieTaylor · 05/07/2024 22:32

Cluborange666 · 05/07/2024 22:27

Thanks all. I think I’m just feeling sorry for myself.

@Cluborange666

I'm sorry you feel so unwell & so 'I looked out for'.

If he was NT I'd say yes, he should have thought about you & the egg, but maybe that's not something he can really do.

it is hard & lonely though.

Hope you're feeling better soon. I guess with DH you just need to decide if your life is better with him or would be better without him. It's often lonelier with someone you don't feel has your back than it is being actually alone.

Original poster
Cluborange666 · 05/07/2024 22:27

Thanks all. I think I’m just feeling sorry for myself.

OP posts:
Funfaxfan · 05/07/2024 21:57

It sounds like you have a non-ige mediated allergy rather than intolerance. He should take it seriously.

Bettedaviseyes111 · 05/07/2024 21:52

I think you’re feeling poorly and it’s not helping your mindset. I do get that you just want someone to care and look after you though, so must feel a bit unloved.

Get tucked up and some rest and park this issue until you feel better.

Coconutter24 · 05/07/2024 21:50

You’re in the wrong, it’s your intolerance so you have to make sure you don’t eat eggs. The onus is on you. Yes it would be nice for your DH to also think about it, I have an intolerance and I know my DH would tell me if something wasn’t suitable for me. Tbh your mainly in the wrong for making this a whose right or in the wrong situation, you both made the same mistake of forgetting to check

MagnusCanis · 05/07/2024 21:49

i asked him why he didn’t remind me. His answer is, “Well you forgot too.”

He has a point. Do you expect him to remember everything for you?

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/07/2024 21:42

The marriage is in a bad way

You don’t say.

Focus on what you’re going to do about that. Remembering things is important. Not telling your spouse to fuck off is also important unless that’s a normal non toxic part of your usual communication.

Hope you feel better soon. Counselling is cheaper than divorce.

MissingKitty · 05/07/2024 21:38

Neither of you are wrong about the meatball, you both forgot. Telling him to fuck off deff doesn’t make you the right one. But obviously that’s not the real issue here, I’d let it cool off for tonight and then try and discuss the actual issue with him tomorrow, I wouldn’t make it about this meatball though because that’s a daft human error on your part that he just didn’t catch.

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