Who’s in the wrong?

I'd let this go and post in relationships when you are better. Compare his behaviour to what he is like in work, when you were first dating etc. I say that as someone ND with a DD who works in catering after attending a SN school etc. I do find that some people who don't give a shit about anyone else latch on to their diagnosis.

Calm down 😂

Also, why did he just watch her eat the meatball. Might be a turn of phrase or maybe he actually got a kick out of watching her eat something that will make her sick.

It’s the difference between ‘am I allowed to’ (what he heard) and ‘is it safe for me to? (What she meant).

It’s a sad lonely place.

When you’ve lived with someone whose world revolves around themselves, it’s hard to describe how lonely you feel. I used to describe is as being like kayaking. He swanned off in his kayak admiring the view, paddling peacefully along with skill and enjoyment.

I struggled along behind in my kayak, with the kids, dog, house, extended family, rations and life jackets, calling after him to remember there’s white water ahead.

Can you forget what foods he does and doesn’t like? Cook what you want regardless of his preferences? Forget his appointments and schedules? Just focus on you and the kids.

It actually gets easier when you let go of the hope and every time he thinks of you it’s a nice surprise! 😅

He may well get better as well- mine has, because the pressure to perform being considerate shit him down.

It’s inadequate for a marriage,imo, but it’s the best he can manage.

She hasn't got a fucking allergy, she says she's intolerant!!

It's more the 'I asked can I eat a meatball' is what got me tbh, why do you need to ask permission 🥴

He knows OP has an egg intolerance and that she makes meatballs without egg.

So as he made the meatballs, he either should have made them without egg, or warned OP he made them with egg.

Even if she wasn’t eating them, it would be kinder to cook without egg, or at least warn her.

I bet if he has an intolerance he expects OP remember it.

OP, I bet you cater to his likes/dislikes/intolerances. As he refuses to change, you should stop catering to him.

What excuse have you got for his cold, couldn't-give-a-shit defensiveness?

A caring person would not blame the other, they'd be apologetic. Even for a genuine mistake.

MN can be a bizarre place sometimes.

I'm guessing you don't have an allergy huh.

If anyone I know cooks anything with my allergy in, they effectively wrap it in high vis (not literally). They all mentally note "must tell mumoftwo she can't eat X".

If I visit my in laws and I wander into the kitchen even to make a cup of tea, my MIL will follow me in and tell me that X has Y in it so don't eat that.

We keep the ingredient in my house in a separate container (it can be used for non-food purposes) and everyone washes their hands after using it.

My dd has been able to pronounce this allergen word since she was 2.

It's not even a life threatening allergy. This is just what normal caring people do who have a loved one with an allergy.

How's that halo, there? Take much polishing? Does it slip during vigorous activity?

Seems like you both have forgotten - no one to blame

You're sensitive as your ill

He shouldn't be putting egg in anything if his wife is allergic to it.

She isn't allergic to eggs. She's intolerant of them. It's different. And he didn't make the meatballs for her, he made them for himself and one of the childen.

I agree that she didn't forget too because she didn't know the information to forget it. However, as someone with a food intolerance, if you're going to eat something made by someone else that they in turn made for someone else it makes sense to just check "it doesn't have X in it, does it?"

A lot of people use egg to bind meatballs etc it's not unheard of.

She forgot to ask. And she wasn't having dinner so he was free to use egg.

She didn't forget she had an egg allergy!

But he didn't think of her when he made dinner, and then was defensive about it to his already poorly wife.

If he had handled it with an ounce of empathy then OP wouldn't have been upset.

I didn’t say it earlier as it’s a bit extreme but we are an egg free home due to allergy

I find it amazing that so many feel it’s not the DH responsibility to show some consideration for his wife the ‘yeah but you forgot too’ seems to callous. Is this how some of you live?

It’s not like it was an omelette - meatballs don’t have to include egg.

Mistakes get made, but to have no care or concern or apology after is just mind boggling. I wouldn’t treat my DH like that.

I wonder if responses would be the same if reversed, I swear some hold men to lower standards.

I’m another who’s surprised by these responses, and think I’d feel similar. It’s not that he should never forget anything, but the blaming you rather than saying, shit, I’m so sorry, in the moment - not a caring reaction. Yanbu to expect your partner to remember a basic piece of medical info and be sorry if they don’t.

It doesn't make sense to say op forgot as well. She hadn't made the meatball, she didn't know what was in it.

The definition of "forget" is not remembering information that you previously knew. She never knew the daft husband put egg in it.

He shouldn't be putting egg in anything if his wife is allergic to it.

But he didn't? He forgot! As did she....

Unless you're allergic to a long list of things, your H is very unreasonable.

I'm allergic to two things. One of them is aspirin and the other one is a specific food ingredient. Literally everyone I know remembers I'm allergic to it, all my in-laws. There's a cafe near here that I don't even go to very often, I don't even know the owner's name, but once I was standing there deciding what to order and she pre-emptively said you can't have this one because it has your allergen in it. She literally remembered me and what I'm allergic to and I'm not even much of a regular.

If your own husband can't remember the one or two things you're allergic to, well he's a shit husband and that's that.

Absolutely. There’s not a reason on Earth he should have used eggs.

These replies are so ridiculous.

Of course you're not in the wrong!

You're not mad that he put egg in the meatballs.

You're upset that he didn't think of you, and at his defensive reaction.

If he'd said: 'oh no! I totally forgot. I'm sorry. Can I help get you anything else?'

Like a normal, caring person then I think you wouldn't have felt like you did.

I think I understand because my DH acts in immediate defensiveness when he's done something thoughless too, and it's really hard getting him to understand that it's not the thoughtless thing I'm mad at (we're all human) but his lack of empathy and lack of thinking about me.

I also think he's on the autistic spectrum so I think this is relevant!

YABU.

Op do you think he did this on purpose because you are ill and he had to do the bulk?
Are there other instances of no consideration for you?

Presumably you don’t normally put egg in the meatballs hence why you didn’t think to ask.

In my house my DH would have made them with me eating them in mind (so sans egg) and IF he managed to put egg in it he would have been apologetic at adding to my discomfort even if he forgot/was an error.

As I would him.

I know my DH wouldn’t ’well you forgot too’ that’s so cold and uncaring, you didn’t see the egg going in ffs.

You’re in the wrong - telling him to fuck off cor that is a huge over reaction. You didn’t ask him if it had egg in it just if you could eat it