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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he’s turning DC against me?

19 replies

FitFitta · 05/07/2024 20:29

Hi everyone, just looking for some advice really. My DH was driving DC to the zoo for the day (I work full time as a nurse) and I had packed them a healthy lunch. One of our DC (8) is on a specific food plan at the moment due to carrying extra weight. On the way back from the zoo I got a call from my DH who said that the children didn’t want the healthy lunch and instead wanted him to stop at McDonald’s on the way home. Usually I would appreciate the communication ,however he called me through the cars Bluetooth so the DC could hear what I was saying. I of course said no they can’t have McDonald’s, they shouldn't be eating UPF especially DC (8) who is on a calorie control plan. I feel like my DH did this just so he can be the ‘fun’ parent and I’m the one who looks like the bad guy saying no. DH knew I would say know so why didn’t he just tell the kids himself? These events seem to be happening more frequently. AIBU?

OP posts:
SwordToFlamethrower · 05/07/2024 20:53

He absolutely should not have done that. He should be a united front with you.

Of course the kids are going to whine for junk if that's what they want. A good parent says no.

PenelopeHofstadter · 05/07/2024 20:55

How is the fact that you're a nurse relevant? Why do nurses always have to constantly tell everyone that they're a nurse?

savethatkitty · 05/07/2024 20:58

You lost me at an 8 year old being on a calorie control meal plan. Future food/body issues anyone 😮

Original poster
FitFitta · 05/07/2024 21:22

PenelopeHofstadter · 05/07/2024 20:55

How is the fact that you're a nurse relevant? Why do nurses always have to constantly tell everyone that they're a nurse?

I was just giving context ?

OP posts:
Original poster
FitFitta · 05/07/2024 21:23

savethatkitty · 05/07/2024 20:58

You lost me at an 8 year old being on a calorie control meal plan. Future food/body issues anyone 😮

This was advised by a dietician!

OP posts:
PenelopeHofstadter · 06/07/2024 12:06

Well you're not really giving context are you? You could have just said you work full time.

Every nurse I've ever come into contact with has to repeatedly bang on all the time about being a nurse. It's in bred at training

Cherrysoup · 06/07/2024 12:16

I’d be having serious words with him: does he not want your child to be healthy? You need to present a united front, he is undermining you.

Theunamedcat · 06/07/2024 12:19

Easy answer when he does it again you say that's up to you and when you go back to the dietitian take him and when they ask say well I tried to stick to the plan but dad decided it wasn't worth it

Also introduce your child to low fat/calorie alternatives to fun food buy an ice cream maker or sorbet fun food that takes a little effort but doesn't blow the diet that can be your thing 😉

fedupdontknowwheretoputmyself · 06/07/2024 12:23

It's good cop, bad cop game. I was the bad cop. Dh did this with me with ds. Ds has now turned into a spoiled, whiny young adult whom I can do nothing with. Parents who do this are a pain in the backside. It's a sign of immaturity and cowardice.

Original poster
FitFitta · 06/07/2024 16:21

Theunamedcat · 06/07/2024 12:19

Easy answer when he does it again you say that's up to you and when you go back to the dietitian take him and when they ask say well I tried to stick to the plan but dad decided it wasn't worth it

Also introduce your child to low fat/calorie alternatives to fun food buy an ice cream maker or sorbet fun food that takes a little effort but doesn't blow the diet that can be your thing 😉

That’s a really good idea! I can involve DC in it as well as a fun activity. Thanks!

OP posts:
PonyPatter44 · 06/07/2024 16:26

Is your kid going to blow up like Aunt Marge if he eats one happy meal? How did he get fat in the first place if you are medically trained and understand healthy eating?

If your DH was really trying to undermine you, he would just have bought the maccys meals anyway and told the kids not to tell you. The sorbet-maker sounds like a fun idea.

pavillion1 · 06/07/2024 16:41

Every nurse I've ever come into contact with has to repeatedly bang on all the time about being a nurse. It's in bred at training

Teachers are the same 🥱

Theunamedcat · 06/07/2024 16:59

PonyPatter44 · 06/07/2024 16:26

Is your kid going to blow up like Aunt Marge if he eats one happy meal? How did he get fat in the first place if you are medically trained and understand healthy eating?

If your DH was really trying to undermine you, he would just have bought the maccys meals anyway and told the kids not to tell you. The sorbet-maker sounds like a fun idea.

He is making her the bad guy she is the one saying no all the time turns him into a fun guy with little to no effort

I've had it done to me by my ex it's unpleasant at best and harmful at worst and it can have consequences

dizzydizzydizzy · 06/07/2024 17:05

pavillion1 · 06/07/2024 16:41

Every nurse I've ever come into contact with has to repeatedly bang on all the time about being a nurse. It's in bred at training

Teachers are the same 🥱

What a massive over generalization and how unkind.

isthewashingdryyet · 06/07/2024 17:05

Can you reply with something like,
gosh exhtb, is your memory going, can’t you remember what we are supposed to offer our lovely DC to keep them healthy and well ? can you remember what McD food does to healthy people ?
Shall I call your GP for a memory assessment appointment ?

poor dietitian having to referee your marital arguments

MissyB1 · 06/07/2024 17:05

PenelopeHofstadter · 06/07/2024 12:06

Well you're not really giving context are you? You could have just said you work full time.

Every nurse I've ever come into contact with has to repeatedly bang on all the time about being a nurse. It's in bred at training

Ffs! Get over your issues with nurses 🙄

dizzydizzydizzy · 06/07/2024 17:08

OP, it certainly doesn't sound like your DH is on the same page as you. Also seems generally really wasteful to not have the food they already have.

MissyB1 · 06/07/2024 17:09

Op my dh does stuff like this too. I now refuse to answer his question and simply say “have you got amnesia again?” They do it deliberately because they aren’t strong enough to stick to agreed rules so want to put it on the other parent. Cal it out!

PenelopeHofstadter · 06/07/2024 18:32

@pavillion1 yes I totally agree that teachers are the same!

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