A long and nuanced one, but if you’ve got some time to spare here goes…
My friend and I have had a trip booked for a concert since the start of the year. It’s a once-in-a lifetime thing for me, for a group that will likely soon stop touring (due to age/illness) and who are my absolute heroes. We have been saving for it ever since we bought the tickets, as we knew we need to travel and stay over (train and hotel).
We had both continuously referenced our plans multiple times since the time it was booked and said how excited we were. About 4 weeks back I messaged him and said we probably needed to get our hotel and train booked as we may run out of options otherwise. I also said that if the times worked well, we could possibly come back the same day via train to save money, but said it would depend on when the event finished (which we didn’t yet know as times hadn’t been published). He agreed.
About 3 weeks before, after finding out the times definitely wouldn’t work for a same-day return, I confirmed with him that we would definitely need to stay over and that we should book our train and hotel very soon before they get booked up. Again, he agreed, and said he would look at hotels and come back to me with suggestions.
He didn’t come back and so about 2 weeks out from the event I sent a link to one of the most reasonably priced hotels in the area to ask him what he thought and whether he was happy for me to book that one.
It’s at this point he lets me know that he can no longer go as he can’t afford it. He tells me he had “completely forgotten” and once he did remember he thought we would be returning the same day because I had mentioned it that one time. I told him I thought I had made it clear that that was a big “if”, as it was dependent on event times, but offered to cover the cost of the hotel for now, as I assumed he had the rest saved seeing as the issue was (supposedly) me mentioning the same-day return.
He then said that, actually, he might be able to lend money off someone else and he would come back to me.
A day later (at this point we’re at under two weeks out from the event) he lets me know he definitely won’t be able to go and apologises for letting me down, but says it’s simply not feasible for him financially and that he “can’t help that”.
At this point I tell him I’m confused as I had already offered to cover the hotel and asked “Surely you have the rest saved”… (£100-£150) …”as we have had this booked since the start of the year and you haven’t mentioned any issues up until this past week, which you said was just due to hotel?”
He tells me he didn’t have any money put to one side for it at all as his financial situation had changed (moved to a more expensive home) very shortly after he had booked the ticket and he didn’t realise he wouldn’t be able to go after reviewing his finances for the past few months just now (after 3+ months in said-new home.)
While I totally understand affordability I’m confused and incredibly annoyed as to why he would leave it this late to tell me. I am also all the more annoyed as I know he has been going for nice meals with his new partner and also bought them quite an extravagant gift (£400+) very recently - not for any occasion, mind, just as a random present.
This close to the event I am now struggling to find anyone who wants to buy our tickets, which we each spent about £100 on, as people know they’ll incur travel and accommodation costs. Meanwhile, my friend hasn’t taken any sort of pro-active action to help me recover any money by selling them on - it has been me sorting this.
They have suggested that once I do secure someone who will buy them (if I do, it will be for much cheaper), that I should let them know so that we can split it.
AIBU for being SO angry about:
a) the lack of notice RE finances, despite them seemingly having had money for other things these past few months
b) the lack of effort/responsibility to help me recoup, and
c) their desire to want to split the money? If it were me who had cancelled the plans, I would give my friend their full ticket amount and take anything left for myself…. but maybe I’m naive or BU… Mostly, I’m a bit sad and disappointed.
AIBU and how would you handle this?