Early retirement hubby and I hate it

Fantastic, thank you for sharing

...But he wants to play golf. Lots of it

Going by the title, I thought this was about the early-retiring husband having no hobbies and getting under the OP's feet all day...

What rubbish. Retired at 58 and much, much more physically active than I was sitting at a desk all day, learning new skills, loving volunteering and not stressed out of my skin with work pressures.
No trouble whatsoever " finding things to do" Frankly people who say this are usually boring and unimaginative .

I retired at 58. I’m now 63 and have never been happier or felt better. DH is 11 years older than me and partially retired at 65, but as an academic he is still doing advisory work,writing books and articles. I have no problem whatsoever filling my time, working on a couple of projects for myself and a couple of renovations on the house. I still have all my social skills, I’ve travelled more and further in these past five years than I had previously done in my whole life and there is more of that to come, my life has not narrowed at all, quite the opposite. Retirement is whatever you choose to make of it.

Poor man. Only valued for his work chat. 🤣

OP maybe you could get another job and widen your own interests so you have other people to talk to as well as "hubby"

Do you have lots of friends?

My parents retired early and spent the 1st few years doing hobbies and traveling. As they settled into life this has expanded to grandkids, volunteering and different hobbies. They still chat a lot it's just different so more what so and so said at X group or where to go on holiday next.

I would give it time and see how the golf goes maybe drop some hints about taking up a hobby together if it becomes too much for you.

So many people do see their job as their life purpose and make what they do for a job a big part of their identity, and it can be hard for them to retire.

but not everyone does see their job as the majority of who they are.

For those who do see their job as their identity, you are making the same mistake as people (usually women) who make their whole identity as being a parent and then don’t cope well with their children growing up and moving away. Try to build your idea of self worth and identity as something other than just your job.

I retired a year ago at 64. I have far more purpose in my life now that I did over almost 50 years of working. Don't talk such nonsense. Cannot imagine how a person can think that going to work is the only purpose in life!

So, you want your husband to continue to work, even though he doesn't need to, just so there is no change to your life

I think you are being a tad selfish.

I retired at 55 last Christmas, I've learnt to swim. Cycle to explore the local countryside. Have time to do the jobs we've talked about for years like building a concrete base and moving the hen house. I'm building a garden wall in a couple of weeks.
We are going to buy a motor home in the next few months and explore the uk...places we've talked about going for years.
It's the best thing I've ever done. My wife still works so I have me cleaning Rota today bathrooms, an extra wash and planted the plants she bought yesterday.
I've a little part time job on a very casual basis which gives me pocket money and pays for treats like the plants, meals out etc.
I'm exercising more, I work out daily, walk and so hopefully live a little longer

I totally agree.... although I've not worked for 6 years since having my youngest 2 DC, and also after having a head injury and post concussion syndrome a decade ago too.

However, in some ways, by only being a SAHM (and I should probably say "only"), I've felt the lack of work has made me feel less useful. Obviously, I have been looking after my children and contributed valuable resources to the family in this respect, but I did have a good career before ill health, which I guess defined me in some ways. I'd very much associated my job with my sense of self, but I'd not judge anyone as being useless if they didn't have a job because of ill health or retirement etc.

A few of my mates dads are still going strong in their 80’s and they retired at 50.

OP - it sounds like you are very status driven. Not materialistically status driven but social status. That work isn’t about money or the things it can buy you, the purpose for work for you is the social positioning, the importance of your work.

you are perhaps the sort of person who faced with a better job title with the same money or a pay rise with a lower prestige title would take the better job title. The person who’d go for the promotion that doesn’t have more money in order to say you have reached x level or had y role.

it’s not a terrible thing as such, and generally better than people who are all about the money, you find lots of these people in the public sector.

but it could be a lot of your attraction to your dh was wrapped up in his career status. He was important and you value being useful and important. So it’s hardly surprising you don’t like this new “low status” version of your dh.

you need to get to know your dh, not the [insert his old job title] person you were with. What about you? What would your personality look like if your job was removed from it? Who are you besides whatever job you have?

Since we retired ten years ago in our early 50s DH and I have volunteered for Shelter, environmental charities and the National Trust. We've traveled, camping all over Britain, renovated three houses, learned a foreign language, studied, started a successful little side hustle business that is related to one of our hobbies. We've just learned how to do dry stone walling to work on our latest property. We walk at least weekly in the hills, swim daily in the sea, ride our bikes everywhere and tend our garden.

We never stop talking and are fitter, more social and have more interesting days as retired 60 year olds than we ever did whilst we worked (in jobs we both enjoyed).

The idea that work is the be all and end all and that retirement is bad for you is something put about to keep people with their nose to the grindstone.

Good God! You don’t cease to have a purpose because you don’t work.

Have you no imagination?

This makes me sad ,my dh works long hours in his job and there's no way he can retire late 50s and I'd absolutely love him to be able to as such long rotating shifts aren't good for a person's health. You should be happy he's retired and can enjoy his time away from work .

I’m 59 and according to our financial advisor not due to retire till 2032. I work in IT which involves a lot of lifting of kit which wipes me out. Can cope with the software stuff. Would retire tomorrow if someone said I could I have a lot of fabric and wool that needs attending to.

There are many things in the world that are more purposeful than a lot of jobs.

It depends on the individual & what activities they do.

at least you can choice who you socialise with rather than work where you have to be with people you might not choose to be spending time.

Do you mean he now has nothing interesting to talk about, apart from golf?

If thats the case, ask him to buck his discussion ideas up

I agree. There are plenty of things that can give purpose to life other than work. It’s very narrow minded to think otherwise. I have retired friends who volunteer with animal rescues, work on their fitness daily, play in orchestra’s/bands, follow their sports team around the country. All of these things give them purpose.

It depends on whether a person sees purpose in doing other things, then just working. Having time to do what one wants, and being able to indulge in a hobby/ hobbies, does not sound like having no purpose to me! Just as well we are not all the same.

It sounds as though you find the retired version of your husband less attractive? Perhaps you enjoyed the buzz of talking about work, the motivation to achieve goals, whereas now he doesn’t seem to have much input conversation wise that interests you. I know a lot of women who just expect their husbands to carry on keeping them in the manner they have come to expect- whilst they themselves just potter

Do you feel that you previously had a certain status due to your husband's job OP? Because you don't sound like you're particularly career oriented yourself. Surely you must have talked about things other than his work during your marriage. Can't you continue to talk about those other things?