To think that my sons teacher is making a big deal out of something quite small

@Eshmee
it might be nothing, but honestly push for further investigation. If he’s hitting instead of using his words then it could be as simple as needing speech and language investigation but I would honestly say that too many incidents have been reported now for you to believe what his teachers are saying.

Hes had nearly a whole year of reception though presumably? And he will be very nearly 5. If that’s the case I wouldn’t say it was usual to be hitting and grabbing a teacher hard. By the end of reception most children would have learned the rules and how to behave and what’s expected / not tolerated?

The op has explained several times over that it’s not something her sons teachers are concerned about…..

YANBU because clearly it wasn't dealt with very well at any point. By foundation, do you mean reception? If so and he's still only 4 I'd seriously be considering whether he should be going into yr 1. I'd be having conversations about him re-doing the year as the expectations on conduct and behaviour in school will only get harsher.

We deferred our youngest for different reasons (started reception just turned 5 rather than just turned 4)

@Eshmee i had a similar experience with my son but at age 3. We moved him to a montessori pre school when he turned 3, he hated it. After 3 months they told us in parents evening that he was hitting teachers, pulling hair, trying to bite, kick, throw things. They told us they thought he was autistic, then a week later they decided he was naughty. Then they reduced his hours, then decided he needed 1:1 support. Eventually i took him out and moved him to a different pre school and we haven't had any issues but he is currently going through an assessment for autism. The big difference for me is how the 2 schools behaved. The montessori school were not remotely accomodating of his behaviour, were not interested in understanding his triggers - yes you can tell me what is happening but also tell me what you are doing to help, suggest ideas. They wrote him off as a bad kid. I also found out after i removed him that they had been restraining him. He became withdrawn and really miserable the whole time he was there.

In the new school he had a couple of blips in the first 2 weeks as he settled in but made loads of progress and they love having him, didn't see any issue. He follows the rules well, occasionally he can get frustrated but he has really improved and they really helped with that.
I suppose my point is not all settings and not all teachers will be right for your child. Don't be afraid to make changes.

Obviously COD and GTA.

Jesus, the kid has an older sibling, of course he'll be wanting to play. We chose open world games for our dc and the youngest while couldn't understand the 'game' would create fantastic games himself and really show his imagination.

@Eshmee - honestly, the punishment is too much. You've already said by the time he was questioned by staff he couldn't remember the interaction. Withdrawing treats and games isn't going to make him less likely to grab out in the future. He won't connect the punishment to the action.

He does need to learn to use his voice over actions but really at 4 years, children are impulsive buggers and can't be expected to control every emotional outburst. I'd suggest you work with him about emotions, what leads up to his outbursts, and how he could better remove himself from that in the future.

As for the grabbing a TA by the arm and leaving a mark. What was the mark? Nails? Pressure? Bruise? I find it hard to believe that a child just reaching out and grabbing at 4 years old has the strength in their hand to leave a lasting mark of any kind. Nails maybe, but a bruise or red mark...it seems unlikely. In anger, or a meltdown entirely possible, but not just reaching out while standing in a line.

The child is only 4, and some children that age could be having upsets or tantrums, or in this case just not know how to get a teacher’s attention. Knowing how to help a child with these aspects must be a core part of the job.

Does your child have any signs they are neurodiverse? My son is dyspraxic so when he was in infant school he had poor coordination, poor body awareness and poor social skills which meant he sometimes inadvertently hurt people. It was exacerbated by his lack of readiness for formal education which left him feeling frustrated. All this was before he was diagnosed so, like you, we had reports from school of his behaviour which were a bit mystifying at the time. There's always a reason for a child's behaviour and it isn't always the parents' fault or, come to that, the teaching staff's although I do think professional awareness of these complex conditions is not what it should be.

I’ve already posted so you know my view on the first question.

With regards to the play station. Lots of very well behaved children in my class have a ‘switch’ and play Mario. I get you need to get jobs done.

The PlayStation isn’t the problem here. The school is for letting you think is typical behaviour for your child to hit out to communicate their needs. Your child is either not being told by yourself and school, with consistency that it’s wrong. Which could well be the case as you think it’s typical behaviour- it’s absolutely not normal behaviour and you’re making it normal and your child thinks it’s okay OR your child has a communication delay. To identify the later - was your child a late talker? Did they hit all the communication milestones? Are they on track for their reading (reading ability links directly to communication and listening) also has your child had a hearing test?

I've worked with children, this isn't typical behaviour for a 4 year old. You saying he sometimes hits instead if using his words is more around 24 months stage of development.
Maybe consider speaking the the school senco or school nurse about the behaviour.

@Eshmee

im telling you as an EYFS professional with 19 years experience your son’s actions warrant further investigation. I’m not mum shaming you, I’ve got a son who needs support and has an ehcp so I know how bloody hard it is! I’ve had virtual strangers staring at me in a restaurant and other public places! I’m not a perfect parent, but my son is polite, empathetic and kind! Your son sounds similar but needs support. Good luck, please ask for a neurodev referral

There are 2 teachers — is it a double class? Large number of children ?
Its possible he’s just not emotionally ready to be part of a large class, take general directions from a teacher ( the younger the child the more they expect and need individual directions which they’re not going to get in a class of 30 children.

My daughters behaviour is always worse when she has screen time. I limit screen time including TV as a result. We have no screens after dinner. That's not to say I don't let her have a play on the Wii or her tablet sometimes but I usually regret it.

Your first mistake was coming on here asking for advice lol you should know by now that it's all "gosh my child would never" and "gasp you let your child play on the PlayStation" and then there's people making up their own scenarios and I have just seen someone say that they can tell what kind of mother you are just by what you have written in one post lol anyway get your son down the police station and get him arrested immediately because he is a violent thug who should really know better you know with being 4 fucking years old. Is it any wonder that us women get called hysterical and over the top lol fuck sake

@Eshmee The thing with gaming is that age 4 they don’t really know about it, most of their friends won’t talk about it etc so it’s not that hard to not have them. It’s much harder age 8,10,12….

The other issue is that older siblings eventually play games that are maybe not age appropriate for the younger siblings.

We had a Wii that we all played together sometimes but it was seen as a family activity, not a solo or child activity (and the children weren’t that fussed by it). I’m only considering an XBox or PS now my children are much older and probably won’t get one till they’re both over the age of 12.

It doesn’t sound like it’s any sort of real problem in your family tbh but if you can ditch the gaming then why not. Plenty of time for it when they’re older. 4 is so little and he’d be much better just playing, reading, watching CBeebies with you etc.

I don't think any under 13s should be playing video games.

Wow! You asked me to give advice and I told you I already gave some in a previous post! Own the fact that you’ve messed up!

I was never going to join anything that may be misconstrued as a pile on. But This, with bells on. At 4, that boy requires normal human interactions daily, not playstation.

100% agreed.

It’s normal impulsive 4 yo behaviour. However, it’s also not ok to grab anyone and make a mark (or grab them with no mark), especially at school. Consequences need to be relevant and taking away a play station isn’t really linked. I’d say it would be better for you to help him write a letter of apology (you could do more of the writing if he’s not at that stage and he could draw a picture) and have a good chat about how even adults can be hurt by children if they grab them.

As an aside and I can see others have said this, but a Play Station age 4 isn’t helpful. Unless his older sibling is 14, it’s probably not that helpful for his sibling either.

I do understand that it’s trickier when there are older siblings but at that age it was absolutely no screens other than a bit of CBeebies for my children. Mainly they just played with toys, played in the garden etc.

I’m sorry you had this experience here and I hope you can hold on to some of the comments you found more helpful and take something constructive away from it.
I think within this anonymous forum people can respond impulsively and with less consideration for the feelings of the other person, protect their inadequacies onto another person - or actively try to provoke for whatever reason.
I think what you wrote about feeling shamed is really interesting and so central in how we work through this stuff with children.
How can we teach a child new skills for managing big feelings; help them to tolerate waiting, without shaming them?
As you’ve pointed out here, if this is done in a shaming way all it does is leave the child or adult feeling terrible.
Good luck

It’s not normal for a 4 year old to be hitting annd grabbing other people. I presume as he’s at school already he is closer to 5 (probably in the next few months). Its definitely not normal behaviour for 5 year olds. And how could he not remember what happened when the teacher asked him but could suddenly remember hours later when you asked him? 🤔