To think that my sons teacher is making a big deal out of something quite small

We have soent alot of time on this explaining how to vocalise what he wants but as I said, he's 4 and from all the parenting advice sites etc I gather that this is fairly normal behaviour for a child of his age.

"Gentle parenting" advice sites?

Of course it's physical violence, what would you call it? I'm really surprised you're trying so hard to sugarcoat it and think it is normal behaviour. It's not normal for a 4 year old to grab an unknown adult arm and squeeze it so hard that it leaves a mark.

I have similar aged children and while it's fairly typical of children to behave like this with each other when unsupervised, it's really not typical that they would do it to a teacher or other authority figure.

That's not to say he's a villain, but it's absolutely correct that you would be informed and that he might face some sort of consequence in school.

He’s only 4. In Scotland he would be in nursery and not be having formal learning or lining up. Can’t you defer him for a year if he’s the youngest?

I'm with you OP. He didn't hit the teacher, he grabbed her arm as she was passing. Young 4yo's live in the here and now and he probably had something, in his mind, vitally important to say/ask. It's easy to leave a mark when grabbing and the TA should have stopped and spoken to him/dealt with it there and then.

I agree, it's her job to tell you what happened and to be honest at 4 I'd expect a child to know not to hit or hurt another person and would be starting to question why they're finding that so difficult. Why they're getting overwhelmed in that way.

Obviously you're working on it at home but the school need to work with you to nip it in the bud so they're right to be direct with you about it. Especially if she got the feeling you thought they were making a mountain out of a mole hill. You need them to give you a full picture of what's happening at school and how your child is acting so you can take appropriate steps.

I don't think a child of that age hitting is normal.

You don't need to crack down on him, nor believe that the teacher thinks your son is a violent thug.

You do need to work with the school about how your son can manage his emotions and impulsive reactions. Yes, he's four but grabbing an adult hard enough to leave a mark is something that should have (and was) communicated to you.

Does your son feel anxious at school? I wonder because of the grabbing at someone he didn't know.

The general attitude to take with this is 'thanks for letting me know', reinforce acceptable behaviour with ds and carry on. Little ones are wrecked this time of year and as you son is the youngest, he will likely feel it more.

If this is the only time the teacher has spoken to you about your son's behaviour this academic year, I honestly would think no more about it.

Sounds like the staff handled it well.

you just need to be clear with him that it’s never acceptable to ‘grab’ an adult like that?

A child hitting in reception isn’t normal.

You need to meet with the school and discuss how best to tackle things to ensure that his needs are met and that staff aren’t being subjected to violence.

Did he go to nursery? How was he there?

You are sugar coating the fact your child has firm for hitting. It’s not the first time he has done it and now he has done it to a member of staff and she won’t stand for it (rightly so). Are the rest of the class hitting?

No teaching assistant should have to accept being physically assaulted by a child

For goodness sake he’s 4! Why on earth did the teacher he grabbed not ask him what he needed! Poor little chap being ignored by professional who should know bettet

She's relaying the facts and telling you what happened. It's good communication from the school