To think that my sons teacher is making a big deal out of something quite small

He’s 4 so I’m not sure what he’s ever doing on a PlayStation but no treats for a week is just daft. It’s the end of term, they’re all exhausted. It wasn’t ideal but it’s done now, it’s not age appropriate to string punishments out for a week.

Why not ask him to draw the TA a nice picture and then leave it at that.

If you really think he didn’t remember the incident by the end of the day I’m baffled you’re going to keep bringing it up to explain your punishment for a week.

Please tell me you are joking?

For a WEEK? A chat about why grabbing people isn't ok, referring him to how he'd feel if someone grabbed him like that. A reminder on more appropriate ways to get peoples attention... yes. But he's already been spoken to at school and told off for it, so you really do not need to do anything more!

If he's banned from treats AND playstation for a week then what will you do when tomorrow, he makes a small mistake, and the next day? He is 4... he is going to make mistakes. Harsh punishments like this will leave you no where to go and him feeling as if there isn't really any point trying to do right/be good/contain himself!

No it's normal for a 4 year old to hit, and even if it was, doesn't mean it's right.

Your child shouldn't be grabbing a TA's arm as hard as that.

You're punishing him at home for something that happened at school? That's most likely to be counter productive.

Do 4 year olds play playsations?! I'm genuinely curious.

My almost 5 year old wouldn't know what one is. Although I suppose this is probably because he's the first born and my DH and I don't game.

I agree. Kids make mistakes and boys in particular take longer to learn to regulate their emotions. Do you think he may be ND? My son knows on an intellectual level that hitting is wrong but when he gets really frustrated or cross he finds it very very hard to regulate those big feelings.

She also asked him why he had done it but by this time he had forgotten

he tells me that he didn't know her name and that he wanted to walk with her to assembly

Either he'd forgotten why he did it or he didn't! I'm a TA and this wouldn't have even registered with me enough to pass it on to the teacher to be honest. I don't think this is anything to do with the hitting either. Those are 2 separate things and I agree the TA has over reacted

@Eshmee how much hitting are we talking? Has he been hitting in school? Did the teacher discuss the hitting with you today?

He grabbed her quite hard, hard enough to leave a mark.
Your son also now has a reputation for hitting, so there was probably an assumption that he lashed out.
There is a bigger picture that you are missing.

My guess will be that one of the children will hit him back quite hard, and your son will get hurt /upset and you will storm down there demanding something is done.

I'd liked to have seen the 'mark'!! A 4 year old would have to have some grip to do that!

By saying its normal for children to mark teachers, It sounds like ur minimising, however u say he struggles with regulation and he has done enough Force to leave mark on ta. So he's obviously struggling , I would try to think the teacher is just trying to talk to u about how she and u can support him not assume she thinks a 4 year old is a violet thug!

I think so! She is there in a position of authority. He knew what she was there to do, but didn't know how to attract her attention. I don't see why he would do it so "some random person outside school". Totally different circumstances.

I can absolutely understand how a little boy of 4 might have tried to communicate with her. I don't understand how he left a mark, unless her arm was bare?

You ask if the teacher is making too much of a big deal over the arm-grabbing, but it’s not just about that one incident, it’s about the wider picture of hitting that you mentioned. The hitting is not normal behaviour for a nearly 5 year-old. I think the school dealt with it reasonably.

You are not unreasonable for questioning whether the school is overreacting, you are sadly unreasonable for thinking you’d get a fair hearing on mumsnet. there seems to be a swarm of 1950s matrons and headmistresses who flock and land on any thread like this, generally disliking little boys and always blaming The Mother regardless of whatever the OP has actually said.

Yes that would be the sensible approach.

What does being punished at home look like? It’s been dealt with at school, beyond a talk at home I’d have left it at that.

School seem concerned it’s part of a pattern of behaviour and poor impulse control. You mention he’s been hitting, is that of other children or only the adults?

Is the TA supposed to stop and interact with every child who grabs her arm? He has a lot to learn about being in school or anywhere, were he to do this with some random person outside school it could end badly.

Totally agree - that thought was running through my head while I was typing. There's no need for two punishments. I used to get into trouble for the most stupid things in primary school - think things like being sent out to clean the chalk off the duster (I'm old lol) without a stick to beat it off, and I did it on the wall of a mobile, that level!!) - and my mother would punish me all over again, before she even asked me what happened, when she realised how trivial it was.

Schools sometimes do make mountains out of molehills!

We don't know really know the circumstances and what happened and why. I'm just saying that this isn't a one off incident and so the focus should be on what strategies the parents and school can put in place to help the child behave appropriately and self regulate. Reception is very different from year 1, there are much higher expectations and grabbing, hitting and hurting others will not be tolerated.

If he’s in reception / foundation he is nearly 5, been in school nearly a year and should know by now that hitting / grabbing someone is unacceptable. He must have done it with a bit of force to leave a mark on an adult. (Did he scrape her with his nails by accident?).

all in all, the school is right to tell you and you should continue to enforce at home that hitting / grabbing is unacceptable even when feeling cross.