To think that my sons teacher is making a big deal out of something quite small

I agree with this.

If in any doubt, it's best to respond positively to behaviour and focus on how to move forward.

You will feel much better about your son and your parenting if you spend some time roleplaying social scenarios with teddies/soft toys than you will enforcing punishments all week.

If this was behaviour all children were doing the school wouldn't be alerting you to it. Your child will have been at school almost a year they should know rules and be able to communicate needs without hurting others. It doesn't sound like they are making him out to be violent simply keeping you informed on an issue they and you need to work with him on. What happens if a child is playing with a toy he wants and he doesn't want to ask would it be OK for him to grab and mark another child?

It's never acceptable to hit, not at 4 even, he's been at school nearly a year too. Grabbing enough to make a mark is unacceptable too. Don't minimalize bad behaviour. Remember if your child hits out someone else is being hit and that isn't fair

A parent who won't address their child's poor behaviour and who would rather blame others and underplay situations.

No one's saying you don't care about him or aren't good in other ways. But yes, your approach to discipline and behaviour management is very off.

This!
My son aged 4 (going into reception in September) hits, scratches, bites and spits. He has an ehcp and 1:1 support based on his semh needs!

Im also a reception teacher and have never experienced this from a child. It’s likely this needs further investigation. Please ask the school for next steps and maybe a neurodev referral

I have a 6yr old and a 3yr old, id be mortified if they did that. Hitting is never acceptable, it's to be expected at home sometimes where they're comfortable but at school? Hell no.

Time you wise up. He's four but he should know what's right or wrong. The school handled it the best they could.

Rather than worry about your son, you should be reinforcing their message and cracking down on his poor behaviour. That's one of your main jobs as his parents.

Please don’t let your four year old play on a PlayStation. Fast paced screen games like that have been proven to increase the part of the brain that reacts, causing impulsivity and inappropriate physical responses. Don’t take it away as a punishment; keep him off it for the sake of his brain development.

It was handled all wrong by the TA, it should have been spoken about at the time! Children that age live in the moment, he would have been bewildered by the telling off he received some minutes after the event!
Speak to your wee one about being a bit grabby, then forget it x
Good luck

I think this is all a bit much. He’s 4. I would be reluctant to punish so harshly. He’s impulsive and trying to get someone’s attention. The time to address it was at the time, by the TA - I think going forward I would ask the teachers to address it immediately as it is too late by the end of the day. This is not the sum total of who your child is; you are working with him and guiding him. I wish you all well.

I think if you are talking about an over reaction your punishments at home are really out of proportion. This is something that happened at school, so apart from talking to him very firmly about what happened and maybe modelling ways of asking for what he wants, additional punishment at home that goes on for a week is overkill. Do you expect the school to give him additional punishments for incidents that happen at home? Of course you don’t. Yes you are right to support the school, but don’t confuse the issue by inappropriate punishment at home.

It is very unusual for a child to be removed from assembly. I've never seen it in the 10 years I've been working in schools.

Your punishments at home are over the top. He's 4 - he's probably forgotten the whole thing already. Just give him a hug and remind him going forward that we don't hit or grab others.

A whack, or a kick , are violent though....

He’s four ffs, seriously have a word with yourself

i get a red mark from a tiny bump teacher is ridiculous

Hello, reception teacher here. 4, and at the end of his reception year, is too old for him to be suddenly grabbing out at a ta he didn't know and wanting to walk in with them. He should know by now that isn't how it works. He should know well that you line up and go in with your form. First few weeks of reception, understandable. Not at this point. Also, doesn't sound like he was struggling with his emotions here. Lashing out in anger is more common at this age, and lota of children are still working on it. BUT, that said, also sounds like the adults handled it really poorly!!! Absolutely no need for a senior teacher to pull him out and tell him off, and of course he'd forgotten by then. I would have expected that even if the new ta didn't know how to handle it and reported it, that the class teacher would just have reminded him what to do, and potentially support him to speak with the ta and apologise for hurting them.

I’m a SENDCo.

The punishments are overkill IMO. You’d be far better off putting your energy into keeping a record of any social communication difficulties and working through school-based scenarios with him, using a puppet/teddies etc in a really positive way. The fact he didnt remember suggests that he really didn’t intend to hurt anyone. Of course he can’t continue hitting or grabbing but actions taken towards supporting him with that would probably be better use of your time. You don’t want him to lash out more because he develops low self-esteem. Save the punishments/sanctions for when he KNOWS what to do but still does wrong- when you are sure he has been taught and supported positively.

Gosh, you are not doing him any favours for brushing aside violent behaviour. Teacher here. No, this is not expected behaviour for a 4 year old. Does he have special needs?

Children are works in progress. Yes, in an ideal world, they wouldn't hit or grab people's arms, but it's up to the school and you to work together to guide him to this stage.

I agree that the school were right to tell you, but I would have thought it would be done in an "FYI" kind of way - "FYI, this was the behaviour, this was our response". I would have very little patience for an accusatory "OMG your son is unacceptably violent" type of response because little children often physically misbehave or fail to act appropriately and the school should know how to put the behaviour in perspective and have strategies to address it, otherwise they're pretty poor. I would have no time for a school that had histrionics every time one 4yo hit another. They need to be able to deal with normal child misbehaviour without getting it out of proportion.

It doesn’t sound like the teacher overreacted at all. I would expect no child who has been in Reception for a year, to be hitting others. I would expect they would know they can’t just walk to assembly with any passing person they like the look of and I would definitely expect them to know that they shouldn’t grab hold of adults so hard it leaves a mark.

Unless, there is some kind of SEN.

Not allowed any treats for how long? I thought it was bad enough you were punishing him at home but you're giving him multiple sanctions over a week? He will not relate this to the 'crime'. Are you not able to talk to him and guide him in his behaviour?

He grabbed her hard enough to leave a mark - of course that’s not ok.

If he does that to another child, he could really hurt them.

This behaviour does need keeping an eye on.

But he doesn’t need to be punished.

A quick explanation about not grabbing or hurting people and perhaps an apology to the TA would have been sufficient.

If it happens again, then he’d need to be punished appropriately.

My DC3 had a Gameboy when he was 4. Halfway through his degree now, and a credit to us.