To think that my sons teacher is making a big deal out of something quite small

Assaulted? He might have been desperate for the toilet or panicking about something so he squeezed a bit hard. Stupid comment.

It's very unusual for a child in reception to be whacking and hitting.

Yes, grabbing a teaching assistant and leaving a mark would be considered physical violence.

I'd suggest organising a meeting with the teacher so you can have a united front - so you can be told each day how he has been and there will be a reward for good behaviour etc.

Ridiculous, I’m sick of schools treating children like they are older than what they are. He’s 4 he didn’t do it angrily or start screaming shouting and grab her arm. He’s obviously made a mistake and grabbed her arm a little too hard, he didn’t bite or hit her. Poor boy, I’d ask them why the TA wouldn’t communicate with him and explain to him the correct way to get an adults attention. He doesn’t need telling off or punishment he needs guidance he’s bloody 4.

I'm picturing a little 4 year old hand. How would they exert enough force to leave a mark? It must have been a pretty small mark!

At 4 years old ?!! What does he play on it...... he's 4

He hits and kicks when others get his goat.

I suspect his version of events aren't quite accurate.

I work in a school and I agree the TA may have over reacted, surely she should know how to handle that situation, you talk to the child and explain that they shouldn't just grab someone but should put their hand up etc. However, you've also contradicted yourself by saying your son isnt violent or aggressive but will often physically lash out at others? Yes he is young but he should by now understand the expectations and the behaviours that are acceptable when at school. Other children deserve to be at school without being on the recieving end of physical outbursts, are you working with the school on how his behaviour is being managed? If you and the school are not on the same page it may cause some confusion for him.

No I don't agree the teacher is making a big deal out of something small OP

They are telling you the facts because it's likely a repeated pattern of behaviour that has resulted in your son hurting others.

You want to minimise it because he's your son and thats understandable, but the reality is that you need to deal with his behaviour now. Work together with the school, not against them.

On this occasion he didn't hit - he grabbed her arm. He's 4 ffs. 4 year olds sometimes do stuff they shouldn't! Away with your over-dramatic "at 4!! at 4!"!! And you can "guarantee" nothing!! How utterly ridiculous of you to criticise the OP's parenting skills on the basis of the little you have read here.

She literally posted here for advice, and she has implemented an over-excessive set of punishments. Get over yourself.

The TA is not over reacting nor are the school in talking to you about this.
Your DS needs to learn it it not ok to put his hands on anyone. It is not normal at 4 years olds to be hitting instead of taking.

A child leaving a mark on and adult generally takes some force, and that is not what the staff are there for. We need to change the narrative that school staff need to put up with this as part of their job, they don't.

You need to support the school and concentrate on helping your DS using kind hands and using his words. I would be mortified if my 4 year old DS had marked another person. He remembered the incident enough to recall it to you and can verbalise enough to recall it to you.

Is it just at school he struggles to regulate his emotions ?

sometimes when angry or upset will hit rather than use his words to explain what he wants or why he's upset.

At the age of 4, he should be able to use his words 100% of the time. Your punishment is to remove access to the Play Station, maybe reflects on the fact that PS is likely the cause of his limited ability to process emotions and use words.

Maybe more human interactions are needed.

You shouldn't be punishing him as you are. That may well be why he has these issues.

No PlayStation for a week is harsh.

If you are concerned you should follow it up. Teachers aren't really the best people to ask.

Instead of being embarrassed about your child hurting someone else, you're here complaining that what he did wasn't a big deal. That tells you all you need to know about the type of parent you are op. At 4, he should know hitting is not acceptable. And I can guarantee you that being on the PS at 4 is why he 'struggles' to regulate himself. How utterly ridiculous- his consequences are no PS at 4!! At 4!

4 year olds DO do things that would be socially unacceptable anywhere else. I have had snot rubbed into my skirt, been coughed at right in my face regularly etc etc. Some young children do also bite and hit. These things either resolve themselves with some support (because nobody can afford to let them continue) or they inform future assessments/intervention due to unmet needs.

He was clearly trying to attract her attention. Do people generally do that in anger?

My son is ND and his teachers all tell me how polite and well-behaved he is. This doesn't mean he doesn't have issues with appropriate communication and interactions with others when he struggles to express himself.

You csnt say hes not violent or aggressive at same time as saying he whacks and kicks. Thats violent and aggressive. My 4 year old hits me and nursery staffbut not kids. He has many disabilities and additional needs and has mental development of age 12/18 months so i understand its hard

Can you cite where the OP is "brushing aside violent behaviour"??? Have you seen the litany of punishment being doled out to this 4 year old boy at home, for something he can't even remember doing, in school?

They will do if they have older siblings or a parent who enjoys gaming.
There are plenty of age appropriate games available if so.

Playing on a games console isn't some massive issue if done in moderation and using age appropriate software.

Children at 4 should be able to regulate their emotions without getting physical, above all in a school environment. He is not a toddler anymore. Certainly, he shouldn't be grabbing anyone by their arms.
Teacher and teachers assistants don't enjoy blowing things out of proportion so they can have a difficult conversation with the parents.
I would be quite concerned with this behaviour if this was my son.

How do you know it wasn’t done in anger when he couldn’t remember when asked by a teacher? I wouldn’t stress too much about the event but obviously really focus on sorting out the hitting.

Sorry but this is bullshit.

Schools aren't 'zero tolerance' on any physical contact. Yes, it's not advised never to initiate contact but if a child is hurt, in danger or upset, physical contact 'in the best interests of the child,' is fine.

TAs do a magnificent job for outrageously pitiful wages. Gone are the days when TAs would pop up a display or do some laminating. Most of our TAs are 1-2-1s for children with significant additional needs and get kicked, slapped and bitten on a regular basis. They do a wonderful job - they're not 'in the wrong job' but the job itself has changed beyond recognition. Yes, this is a very typical mainstream school.

I would be shocked if a child grabbed me hard enough to leave a mark and I'm a hardened teacher of many many years. I'm sure you would too.

OP - this really isn't normal for a reception child. Poking or tugging on an adult's clothes to get their attention is totally normal. Hurting enough to leave a mark really isn't.