To think that my sons teacher is making a big deal out of something quite small

@Runnerinthenight

"If you say so"

To use your patronising tone...how is a PS for a 4 YO healthy, PRAY TELL?

Sounds like you have a handle on your DS, OP. Though I think a week long punishment for a 4 year old child is probably overkill and will have no more effect than doing it for 1 night. It would have been far more effective for the TA to have stopped and immediately ask him to be more gentle than having a senior teacher tell him off later and you apply sanctions at home.

I hope they are also providing some advice and training support to the TA.

Oh FGS!

@Runnerinthenight

"He is not violent or aggressive but if someone upsets him or antagonises him rather than tell the teacher he just reacts which will either usually be a whack on the arm or a kick."

@Runnerinthenight

Errm, the OPs 5th post on this thread? She literally says it.

I think it is abnormal to grab hard enough to leave a mark.

I used to sometimes look after a 5yo who had behavioural issues due to trauma (friend's child not school). When she was overwhelmed she did sometimes find it helpful to squeeze hard something, and at times that was my arm. Yes, it sometimes left marks, but that was with her squeezing with all of her strength or putting her nails in. When she was playing, or grabbing me for attention, then she never did.

Believe me it can happen. Xx

Aww, I can imagine how worried you must be OP
The TA better get over her shock sharpish! In the grand scheme of things, it's not a big deal.
First child I was placed with (5), I used to go home black and blue!

He’s 4 and I would have been upset that he was ignored by the teacher regardless of how he reached out, he’s 4 and still learning. But I voted YABU as you seem to minimise the hitting behaviour and dismiss it as something kids his age do, I don’t think that’s true. You should be less flippant. On the whole the school have identified behaviour they need you to address and have been quick to communicate that to you. That’s positive!

Also, no 4 year old on the planet should be exposed to video games, regardless of what his older brother does! This won’t be helping his behaviour so find suitable alternative ways for him to connect with his siblings.

You have been told what's happening, which I was, same type of behaviour. Please prepare yourself that this really isn't what is considered expected behaviour for NT children. You will be advised to look into possible reasons and support. Don't take this in a defensive way. It may be short term or life long issues, just try to engage and get to the bottom of what is causing it. Xx

No, it's not fairly normal behaviour or ok for your child to hit anyone or to hurt anyone physically or otherwise.

Parenting is having boundaries for your children revolving around kindness, politeness and respect for other people.
Children need to know that certain behaviours like hitting aren't acceptable. You can't just keep explaining it away as "only 4/5 years old so doesn't know any better" - errm of course they do and it's your job to make sure you teach them boundaries so they know better.

Oh but of course, it's not his fault...it's because the other kids were being mean to him

A 4-year old on a PlayStation?
I’m really against young children on consoles, having seen the change in my friends 7 year old son once he got access to one (albeit limited).

Please don’t downplay what your son did. I know he’s only 4, but it’s not acceptable to grab people and you’ve admitted yourself he has trouble regulating his emotions. I think he might have grabbed her in temper and that’s why the school are bringing it to your attention.

Not posting a thread about a school that's managing your son's poor behaviour?

What's the point of this thread? The school were reasonable.

I'm picturing a little 4 year old hand. How would they exert enough force to leave a mark? It must have been a pretty small mark!

Exactly, how much force to leave a mark. It needs addressing.

They don’t have full self restraint until they are at least 7.

I think it’s about context. He has a history of hitting, so being physical does seem to be something that he relies on when communicating; this needs to be addressed.

The TA may have reacted as they did due to a lack of confidence for one thing, especially if they’re new. We also don’t know if your DS was the 10th child to be physical with them on that day; it really is a possibility! I don’t understand the pulling out of assembly thing, long after the event. Bizarre!

What you could ask school to help you do is to keep an Antecedent Behaviour Plan which is about noticing what comes before the physical acts. Trust me, his peers are doing all sort of things that would be deemed socially unacceptable. However, everybody deserves to be safe at school and he needs support now.

'generally' is the key word.

I work in school and see this quite a lot. It's more often the TAs on poor wages that are the targets.

My children didn't have any consoles until they were much older and my youngest (now 11) was about 9.
The girls have never really been bothered with the PS4 or Xbox but it has totally changed my son (when he's on it) for the worse. He struggles with making friends (though he's never been physical at school) and I feel guilty it's become his go to.

I do believe they have a profound affect on SEMH especially in boys.

If you say so.

Also it is very common for them to still hit in reception. Don’t fell like your son is the odd one out.

Where did you extrapolate the kicking from, pray tell?

He struggles with regulating his emotions and sometimes when angry or upset will hit rather than use his words to explain what he wants or why he's upset.

You're contradicting yourself as you’ve already said he hits. It’s not common for reception children to hurt staff and I’m pleased you’re supporting school with this by having consequences at home. Maybe consider if a play station is a-pro-ate for a 4 year old and may not be supporting his language development.

No PS for way longer than a week is actually what is probably needed here tbf.

4 year olds aren't renowned for their skills of recall.