To think that my sons teacher is making a big deal out of something quite small

@AmelieTaylor

But the child assaulting other children by whacking or kicking is ok? Sounds like they're worried about the wider pattern of behaviour so are probably being extra strict on his level of physical touch.

Yeah let's blame the "precious" teaching assistant who's working minimum wage supporting your children to help them learn. Who cares if they are punched, grabbed, kicked or slapped whilst doing so 🙄

So, his punishments are age appropriate (I hope). He's not allowed to play the play station for a week

Now you're just on a fucking wind up?

And this is why I would never work with children these days. Some young children can be stronger than they look. But the parents of these children never believe the harm they can do.

We will luv. I have a feeling that we might be diammetrically opposed on most things so best if we don't converse.

@LateAF

Well if I had a child with some behavioural issues, the PS would be one of the first things to change. Not as a punishment..more to help them with their communication skills.

I think the first thing is to stop dismissing it as all 4 year olds do that. They don't. Talk to him very seriously about how he is a big boy now and big boys do not hit out, kick or grab. Tell him from now on that if he does that he will be punished and tell him what will happen. It has to be taking away something he cares about. And every time he does it talk to him sternly and make it clear it is not okay.
You do not normally have to be as harsh with children as this, but he has obviously got the impression this behaviour is semi acceptable, so you have to be very clear the rules are changing.

Me too. Teaching assistant sounds precious. Not in a good way.

I refuse to believe a 4 year old would leave a significant mark unless attacking aggressively.

Assaulted 😂😂😂😂😂

he's FOUR, he grabbed her arm to get her attention to walk with her.

Give it a break.

It doesn’t mean you’re a terrible parent if your child is lashing out or being too rough. All it means is that he needs to be: taught, supported, monitored. Of course, limiting screens is a great idea for any child of that age.

I have taught for 22 years and have known lots of children who have done things like this when they were small. They were supported to stop and develop healthier ways of communicating.

If they were ND in some way then that is different but ultimately the goal is exactly the same- hitting, pulling or grabbing is not ok. I doubt if your son really knows or understands why his PS time is being limited; maybe downplay the screens as bargaining tools and give him extra time with you as a reward, if possible, when he shows willing/can action what he has been taught.

You could give yourself a break and also listen to the posters giving sensible advice about the punishments not fitting the ‘crime’ and just work with the school and others as you are already doing.
Also over the summer break your son may mature if it is solely a maturity issue, but it may be something that needs more input.

How does DS interact with his brother?

So judgey - everyone parents differently, and any tech in moderation is fine for a 4 year old (I say this as someone who does not allow my children to game - but that's my personal choice and doesn't make me right or better than other parents who do allow their children to game). In fact gaming at least engages a child's brain actively compared to the passiveness of watching TV.

It's not that common for children to behave like this and especially at this stage in the year. Although it's true that reception children might occasionally lash out of upset, it is unusual for a child to physically grab an adult.

You also need to listen to the adult professionals when they tell you what happened and respect their judgement rather than rush wounded to mumsnet. They have afterall had a few hundred children pass through their care. You will cause huge problems for your son if you question and undermine teachers in front of him.

It’s contradictory that you don’t think it was appropriate for a teacher to talk to him after the event as ‘he will have forgotten’ yet you’re punishing him after the event. Taking away snacks seems counter productive too, as if he’s hungry he’s likely to get cross.

Is he in Reception and just about to turn five, or the nursery and just turned four? If it’s the latter it may be worth considering deferring him starting Reception

@Runnerinthenight

Well we'll have to agree to disagree on that one, won't we dear?

It's not UNHEALTHY if played in moderation, dear.

I don't think he needs punishing. I think he needs redirecting. A lot of boys have excess energy and it helps if they can run it off, literally, through sports of some kind or games of another kind. I think Eton school even introduced classes where the boys stand up during the class and can move around so they're not frustrated by being stuck in seats behind desks all the time. And they're a lot older than 4 where you're still learning your limits.

I say he sounds exuberant and I wouldn't want to squash this, just cultivate more of a sense of boundaries with other people physically and like I say, run off that energy.

Hello,

Sorry to hear you are worried. While I dont think it is helpful to overly worry,
there are a few concerns here:

Your child is so desperate to walk with another adult that he accidently hurts the adult. He has no relationship with this adult. Doesn't know their name.

I dont know the set up but there could be another 25 children on the class? What if they all grab the adult? That's a lot of grabbing.

I would directly teach your son how to get adult attention without grabbing. Practise lots of times asking politely.

I would also ask the school (out of curiosity) why they think your son wanted one to one adult support going to assembly so much that this happened. (especially to someone he didnt know well.) Not excusing the behaviour but if you know the reason then you can work to try and prevent it happening again.

Also, every time he hits another child in school maybe have a short consequence after school. E.g. 5 mins of time given back to you before playing together to make up for the time you spent talking to the teacher. Hopefully the school are supporting him to apologise, rebuild relationships etc.

Hopefully this helps.

A 4-year old on a PlayStation?!?!?!?!

Hallelujah. OP has answered her own question.

Gentle parenting sites would certainly have something to say if an adult grabbed a child hard enough to leave a mark, but the other way around, an adult starting a new job just has to take it...

Don't pay any attention to the more judgey mums. Most of us are reasonable. Shit happens. The trick is to make sure it doesn't happen again. I've raised three to adulthood pretty successfully!

He is not violent or aggressive but if someone upsets him or antagonises him rather than tell the teacher he just reacts which will either usually be a whack on the arm or a kick.

This is an oxymoron. You need to recognise that his behaviour is sometimes violent and aggressive.

The mum shaming on this thread is awful. I agree with you OP, the arm grabbing incident has been blown out of proportion.

However, hitting at your son's age is not the norm but at the same time it's not developmentally inappropriate. It only becomes an issue in countries like ours where young developing children are forced into formal systems like schools.