To think that my sons teacher is making a big deal out of something quite small

Ffs some of these comments are insane. He is 4 he didn't "assault" the teacher. Ask to meet with the head and speak to them about your concerns.

Thank you.

This 100%.

So many self-satisfied, sanctimonious twits piling in on the OP. Clear that half of them don't have the first clue.

No it seems like this poster is allergic to bullshite!

Hilarious!

He’s very young op- there’s a middle ground here- your son shouldn’t have grabbed but the teacher should have had the common sense to deal with it and tell him he was too rough. I wouldn’t call it physical assault if a child grabbed an adult to get their attention but I wouldn’t leave them off without letting them know that’s not the way to get someone’s attention.

Violence? Goodness, what a ridiculous thing to say. This is a 4 year old grabbing an adults arm to get their attention. He didn't punch or kick. Words have meanings. This isn't violence FFS!

Most teachers on here have all said similar including myself.

OP won’t have it and backtracks. Apparently it’s reactive to hitting and such displayed by other children and so the OPs son gives as good as he gets back.

The fact he grabbed a TAs arm and it marked hard enough and keeps reacting with gesture rather than words suggests that there should be at least SALT investigation as a minimum!

But then who are we teachers, and what good is our knowledge and experience! Someone quoted AI earlier to try and explain that the behaviour the OPs son displays is normal for his age, despite the majority of teachers on this thread explaining otherwise! I mean AI rather than the experience of actual humans 🙄

Sounds like he needs to wait until he’s five to start school.

A 4 year old grabbing an adults arm is not something I would call violence. I think several posters here are being ridiculous.

I didn't allow gaming at that age. When my children got older, they were only allowed to game on weekends, for a limited time. As a teacher, I instinctively feel that children's lack of attention span is affected by how much they spend gaming.

He sounds very similar to my DS at that age, There was always a reason for him lashing out.
My son now has a diagnosis of Autism and after a SALT assessment we found out one of his main areas of difficulty is asking for help/ telling an adult if there is a problem.
The school told me repeatedly that nothing was wrong and he wasn’t neurodiverse.
I would go above the school and have your son assessed, it’s not common behaviour in school age children.

State school reception (age 4-5) is free in the UK.

I doubt that up to 2 hours a week playing age appropriate games in a console will have much affect in a child's behaviour. Not unless there were other bigger issues at play.

Seems like this poster thinks being violent towards men is quite OK!

Of course it is! He grabbed hard enough to leave a mark!

Came on to say the exactly same thing.

Am also a teacher. And a mother.

4 years old is old enough to know not to 'grab' somebody. Hard enough to leave a mark, too! Come on.

I wouldn’t call that physical violence, not at all. There was no anger, malice or intention to hurt. He wanted to get her attention and didn’t know how to do that because he didn’t know her name.

You can talk him about what to do in that situation in future and just let him know that he can accidentally hurt people if he grabs them. It sounds like he might be a little impulsive and some children do take a little longer to be able to control impulses.

I'm a teacher - hitting other children and hurting an adult is not normal. Don't minimise it. Work with them now or you really are storing up more trouble later down the line.

You keep saying he grabbed her to walk with her but that doesn't leave a red mark.

OP - I think you have reached out for support and are getting a hard time so have started a narrative of the hitting being ok and normal…when you yourself started of in your first post as explaining it as he does it instead of using his words so it’s a communication thing …. you are now saying it’s just a boy play fight thing - he gets as many as he gives. Please revisit your quotes to see what I mean.

“ sometimes when angry or upset will hit rather than use his words”

“ but if someone upsets him or antagonises him rather than tell the teacher he just reacts which will either usually be a whack on the arm or a kick.”

“he gives as many whacks as he takes”

“ Boys play fight. Always have. Always will. If that makes me a bad parent in your eyes then so be it. I hope your little snow flakes never get a kick in the playground FFS.”

I have both a boy and a girl - and my boy is a very sporty boy so was often whacked in the playground during games by a handful of boys who struggled with managing their emotions. My son went to a three form school where there were 50 boys in his year - and it was not all the boys who did the hitting and kicking - it was a just a handful.

Honestly, I think you are trying your best to curb his behaviour. I think though you might get less of a hard time if you accept while it does happen in this age group - it’s not regular 4 year old behaviour and it’s not ok. It’s very unlikely your son is only hitting and kicking the kids who have hit and kicked him first because there is not likely to be many of these.

two things I would recommend you do is a) get his ears checked for glue ear - it is very common in this age group and it’s also very common for the kids to get overwhelmed and hit out.

And b) if you can afford it take him to a cranial osteo as they can help calm his nerves.

I am sure he will grow out of it soon.

Teachers don't report incidents for nothing. There's many incidents a day in my class I deal with and don't report to parents as they're so minor.

However, teachers and TAs do not have time to stop and chat to every child who wants to. We try our best but it's impossible especially with how tight our timetables are.

May I remind you, you asked me to give the OP advice, which I told you I had. You called me out-wrongly- for something I had done! It’s not my fault that you refuse to RTFT!!!
Not ridiculous! 🙄🙄🙄🙄

not if it’s a state school reception class.

OP it's not really just that he grabbed someone, it's that he grabbed someone hard enough to leave a mark (however big or small). That's not normal for a four year old, and shouldn't be minimized. The teacher will have seen far more four year olds than you so I would take their thoughts on board if I were you instead of dismissing them.