To think I should start getting angry more?

In theory I couldn't give a shit either. But a group of mums took a dislike to me many years ago and my DD was not invited on playdates or to parties...

@Trytobekinder can you explain exactly how and why this woman was rude?

I wouldn't care less whether other mothers might think I was rude to somebody who was as rude as this woman was. By the way, if a group of women were so easily swayed I'd think they weren't particularly intelligent. Luckily, I come from a country that doesn't have a tradition of the "school run". Our children largely get themselves to school by foot, train or bus or we simply drop them off at the gate and leave. A private school one of my children once attended actually said that parents should not be on school grounds without a good reason.

Would also be absolutely bonkers for someone to read all this into one sentence of polite small talk 😂😂😂

I’m imagining one of those movie scenes where there’s a visual of someone’s eye rushing into the centre of their brain so you know the character is a savant having a vision 💆🏼‍♀️

The other woman sounds a bit weird.

I think most posters are, or wish, they were like they post in real life. They might not show it, they might be too shy, wanting to avoid confrontation or have plenty of reasons, but I do think people show exactly who they really are on here. It's anomyous, there's no consequence, no judgement. This is a fascinating insight on what SOME people really think or say behind your back.

Most of us wouldn't have given 1 thought to that 10 seconds interaction. You are the one being miffed about it, and needing to start an entire thread.

So yes, it says a lot about you.

I genuinely find it fascinating to read that some people are putting so much importance on things I barely notice at school, or work and so on.

This is such an extreme reaction to something quite minor.

Yes, but if someone doesn't want to, for whatever reason, it's not a normal reaction to get angry or start a fight. Now that, would be an arsehole.

Well done for sniping at me and the personal attack, you do have it in you after all.

Nothing you have written here suggests that you are a people pleaser. Instead, you come across as rather resentful.

Perhaps people sense your incongruity and the other Mum bristled because you sounded fake/clearly didn't give a shit what year her child is in?!

You have a very skewed view of what not being a people pleaser is.

I think the issue is that this scenario doesn't fit the question. Nothing to be angry about. Nothing to respond in a snarky way about either.

The thing is, you don't have the right to that information whereas she has every right to choose what information she discloses about her child and to whom. It's not rude. Maybe not polite, but not rude.

I think a lot of people that see it that way are people pleasers too so would never do anything like that because it's not nice or kind or polite.

Maybe instead of getting angry, start with reaffirming that you don't owe anyone your time, or answers or anything like that, especially complete strangers. Baby steps.

Very interesting responses. I'm a people pleaser just like you OP and this is absolutely a situation I'd have said ignored it like a deer in headlights but would assume most people would have "said something" to call her out on her rudeness. Not anything crazy but just sort of defending themselves in an assertive way.

Evidently that's not the case!

I do think she was being very rude though. Your question was totally innocent and normal.

If she wasn't in the mood for chat she could have just said "year 3" politely and turned back away without asking you any questions in return. I am guessing it would very quickly have become apparent she wasn't interested in a chat but without the aggressive "why?" as if you're some sort of kidnapper.

Agree with others, the best reaction was ignore her, which you did.

Often ignoring people and silence is the best option. Why waste your energy getting angry and annoyed about this nonsense when you can just let it go?!

I've found that a good tip though for being more assertive in difficult situations is to take out all emotion just stick to the facts.
'I asked for this, not that'
'I've not received what I ordered'
'This isn't what I ordered'

If someone makes a smart arse dig or put down, ask them to repeat it. That's my favourite one.

You don't need to be an arsehole to be assertive.

Maybe she thought you were really rude because it seemed you were listening to her conversation and then joining in.

Maybe she just wasn't in the mood for boring small talk with some random, was polite enough with people she knew but didn't want to have to carry on with a stranger.

I think the appropriate thing was to ignore, as you did. Who knows what her issue was.

Watch out for overcorrection OP!

No, but it's how she reacted specifically to you and your actual question.

And I agree she was rude..but I'd say at the school gate, exercise caution. You may have to see these women many more times and they might know someone who knows someone who gossips that you were rude and before you know it, they're all against you.

I think it’s worth saying something (not necessarily getting angry as that’s quite a strong response) if people are trying to take advantage of you for example. But if someone is just being an asshole, I don’t always find it’s worth stooping to their level.