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Original poster

Is it fair to have a go at a friend who cancels plans?

357 replies

Honeysucklelane · 05/07/2024 16:29

Had to cancel plans with friends yesterday, due to work. It’s the third time I’ve not been able to go, for a genuine reason each time. I’ve got two jobs, kids and sometimes I get ill.

It was nothing expensive or special, just a walk. The others still went. I felt really bad I couldn’t go. Despite apologising and wishing them a great time, one of them sent a really off message about it.

For once I stood up for myself and said that they should be kinder if a friend can’t make something. We’ve now totally fallen out.

I’m wondering if I should have just bit my lip and ignored their snarky remarks?

OP posts:
LizTruss · 05/07/2024 19:38

Oh yes!
I'd arranged a smashing bash for Rishi's celebration night, but no. He let it all slip away at the last minute with a number of ill-judged decisions.

What was he thinking about? I mean it's not that difficult being PM. Ask me, I know, I had it sorted in 42 days and then stepped aside to let him have a go and look what happened.

Not a lot for me to do now that the populace have disregarded me too.
Ho hum, I think I'll wash the nets tomorrow...

Youcantellalotofthingsabouttheflowers · 05/07/2024 19:37

She said several times she had to take care of the kids and she couldn’t leave them alone which in fact was not true. She decided to spend the day with them even though they are old enough to stay home alone. Her choice to do this but making out in the posts it is because she had no childcare is misleading.

lowsugarchilli · 05/07/2024 19:34

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HÆLTHEPAIN · 05/07/2024 19:32

I think you’d have got better responses if you put in your OP.

‘Cancelled 2 times out of’ (however many you have been out with them in total over the past 7 months).

Because the fact that you said you weren’t available the time you chose to spend a day with your kids isn’t relevant and it’s not relevant to separate the walks from the nights out.

Blueroses99 · 05/07/2024 19:30

LuckySantangelo35 · 05/07/2024 19:26

@Honeysucklelane

why were you spending the day with your kids if you had made plans to spend the day with your friends? Had your babysitting fallen through or something?

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OP quite clearly said that she DIDN’T make plans with friends because she wanted to spend the day with the kids.

Honestly don’t understand how it’s considered cancelling when you said all along that you couldn’t come…

LuckySantangelo35 · 05/07/2024 19:26

Honeysucklelane · 05/07/2024 17:43

Have you ever been too ill to meet up with friends? Then they’ve had a go at you? Even when I said in advance i couldn’t come because I was spending the day with my kids, one of them commented I could leave them to fend for themselves.

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@Honeysucklelane

why were you spending the day with your kids if you had made plans to spend the day with your friends? Had your babysitting fallen through or something?

Echobelly · 05/07/2024 19:24

Is it fair to have a go at friend who cancels plans?

No, not if they have small kids, an illness that can make going out difficult, a job with long hours.

Yes if they regularly cancel at the last minute because 'I'm a bit tired', 'I'm a bit skint' (and you know they're not really), or 'Oh I just realised I'm not sure how I'll get there, it's a bit far' when 'there' is perfectly reachable by public transport if you spend 2 minutes working it out. Which are all things I've had from people who are just flakey.

lowsugarchilli · 05/07/2024 19:22

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DrFoxtrot · 05/07/2024 19:22

OP I don't think you are unreasonable at all.

Sometimes plans have to change, and yes that usually means something more important than the social catch up has come up. In my case that might be an urgent home visit on my way home from work making me very late or one of my elderly parents is unwell/ has fallen. I once had to cancel a weekend away as my child had taken an OD. Are these good enough excuses?! I don't give a shit if it makes me look like a flaky friend. Luckily my friends understand, unlike most of the posters on this thread!

lowsugarchilli · 05/07/2024 19:21

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lowsugarchilli · 05/07/2024 19:21

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LaughterThroughTheWalls · 05/07/2024 19:19

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Then they're not friends and aren't worth worrying about.

I really appreciate my friends more when I read these replies.

Original poster
Honeysucklelane · 05/07/2024 19:19

Thinkbiglittleone · 05/07/2024 19:15

I get really frustrated with flaky people.
If I have made plans with you, it means I will have refused plans with others and organised my time around our meeting - for you to just cancel is annoying, to do it repeatedly is rude, it's disrespectful of my time and people who are like this, normally let their disrespect creep into other areas, do it's a personality trait, although I can see these other people will be going walking anyway so not really the same.

Have you met up in between these 7 months or are these three only 3 occasions you have agreed to meet and then bailed.

Met on several other occasions. I was ill on the day one time, the next they knew I wasn’t going to make it anyway, this time I told them the morning before as soon as I found out I had to work. I wish I could afford to prioritise a walk with friends over earning money, but I can’t. 😢

OP posts:
lowsugarchilli · 05/07/2024 19:19

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Lentilweaver · 05/07/2024 19:18

Just spotted you have DC and they don''t. Hmmm...maybe you are incompatible for a bit until your DC grow up.

lowsugarchilli · 05/07/2024 19:18

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readingmakesmehappy · 05/07/2024 19:18

I wouldn't have a go but I wouldn't be inviting them to the next thing.

lowsugarchilli · 05/07/2024 19:17

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ruethewhirl · 05/07/2024 19:17

How old are your kids? Telling your friends in advance is still cancelling 😂

If OP never said she could go in the first place, how do you work that one out?

Original poster
Honeysucklelane · 05/07/2024 19:16

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I’m sure they did. It would have been an interesting walk for them. Ironically one of the others cancelled once for work, and they were all sympathetic about it.

OP posts:
Thinkbiglittleone · 05/07/2024 19:15

I get really frustrated with flaky people.
If I have made plans with you, it means I will have refused plans with others and organised my time around our meeting - for you to just cancel is annoying, to do it repeatedly is rude, it's disrespectful of my time and people who are like this, normally let their disrespect creep into other areas, do it's a personality trait, although I can see these other people will be going walking anyway so not really the same.

Have you met up in between these 7 months or are these three only 3 occasions you have agreed to meet and then bailed.

Original poster
Honeysucklelane · 05/07/2024 19:14

Youcantellalotofthingsabouttheflowers · 05/07/2024 19:13

No it is cancelling plans to spend a day with your kids who are old enough to look after themselves. It’s a choice.

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They asked if I could come on that date and I said I couldn’t as I’d be with the kids.

OP posts:
HÆLTHEPAIN · 05/07/2024 19:14

Youcantellalotofthingsabouttheflowers · 05/07/2024 19:13

No it is cancelling plans to spend a day with your kids who are old enough to look after themselves. It’s a choice.

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No, it’s choosing to spend time with your kids on your only day off on a particular week. Age of kids is irrelevant.

Original poster
Honeysucklelane · 05/07/2024 19:14

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I told them the morning before, when I spoke to my boss and had to work. Perhaps I should have made it clear that I didn’t cancel on the day.

OP posts:
Youcantellalotofthingsabouttheflowers · 05/07/2024 19:13

HÆLTHEPAIN · 05/07/2024 19:12

No it isn’t! It’s saying you’re not available.

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No it is cancelling plans to spend a day with your kids who are old enough to look after themselves. It’s a choice.