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Original poster

Is it fair to have a go at a friend who cancels plans?

357 replies

Honeysucklelane · 05/07/2024 16:29

Had to cancel plans with friends yesterday, due to work. It’s the third time I’ve not been able to go, for a genuine reason each time. I’ve got two jobs, kids and sometimes I get ill.

It was nothing expensive or special, just a walk. The others still went. I felt really bad I couldn’t go. Despite apologising and wishing them a great time, one of them sent a really off message about it.

For once I stood up for myself and said that they should be kinder if a friend can’t make something. We’ve now totally fallen out.

I’m wondering if I should have just bit my lip and ignored their snarky remarks?

OP posts:
lowsugarchilli · 06/07/2024 12:30

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MotherofChaosandDestruction · 06/07/2024 12:29

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Okay! This makes sense. Have fun then I guess 😁

lowsugarchilli · 06/07/2024 12:27

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MotherofChaosandDestruction · 06/07/2024 12:27

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I don't know what the OP has triggered for you but you seem overly invested in this.

lowsugarchilli · 06/07/2024 12:25

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lowsugarchilli · 06/07/2024 12:24

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AliceOlive · 06/07/2024 12:23

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That laughing particular emoji is the absolute most annoying one on the planet.

roundtheworldx · 06/07/2024 12:16

Honour your plans - or don't make them. Once in a blue moon, fine - but 3/5 times is pretty shoddy. I'd be fed up with a friend if they did this too. We all have busy lives and commitments but make time for people who are important to us.

Littlefish · 06/07/2024 12:12

@letsgoooo my comment was to another poster. It's called a conversation.

lowsugarchilli · 06/07/2024 12:11

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AliceOlive · 06/07/2024 12:09

I’d love to hear what OP said that’s ended the friendship now, though!

AliceOlive · 06/07/2024 12:09

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She’s not unreasonable in the least if you read the full story

lowsugarchilli · 06/07/2024 11:43

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OhDearMuriel · 06/07/2024 11:42

Nothing worse than a friend who is unreliable and keeps cancelling.

You have to make an effort if you want to keep a friendship(s), otherwise people simply won't bother to include you.

It's a very simple fact of life.

lowsugarchilli · 06/07/2024 11:40

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PickledPurplePickle · 06/07/2024 11:40

Yes I hate unreliable people, it really winds me up

AliceOlive · 06/07/2024 11:38

I couldn’t be friends with a person that won’t respect that health, work and family come first.

It sounds like it’s just one person in the group who is angry with OP if she has other plans and declines an invitation though. I’d distance myself.

letsgoooo · 06/07/2024 11:36

Littlefish · 06/07/2024 09:55

@catlovingdoctor - same for me. I was investing more in the friendship that she was. Her regular cancellations made it clear that our friendship was not as important to her as it was to me.

I didn't whinge or bitch about it. I simply told her that her behaviour was upsetting me and therefore, I wouldn't be making any individual arrangements with her anymore.

A couple of years later I found out that she does it to almost everyone. She now has very few friends, just acquaintances.

Cool. But this doesn't describe the OP so not sure if your point

letsgoooo · 06/07/2024 11:36

@RickyGervaislovesdogs

I’d be sat outside waiting for her to come out of her house for an hour- I honestly think she waited until I turned up to get ready.
Not sure how this is relevant to the OP

Either say no from the outset or say I’ll come if I can, don’t work around me/ make the plan and let me know.
If you read the posts you would know she did. The 'second' plan she was accused of breaking was one she said at the outset she wasn't joining in with

I’ll come if I can. I’m in that position with DD and DM health issues. We always go in groups so that everyone has a good time and nobody works around me.
Which is exactly what happens with the OPs group.

The only plan she broke that she potentially could have avoided was the third one when she MAY have been able to say no to work. I say MAY as we all know some employers are difficult. Some jobs are not flexible.
The first instead ill
The second one she was never going in the first place.

Over 7 months 🙄
And with meet ups in between

letsgoooo · 06/07/2024 11:31

daliesque · 06/07/2024 11:05

Well with that attitude I expect that OP isn't too upset that you're not one of her friends.

There's no way I'd be one of her friends. I don't hang out with people who have no respect for my time.

Funny you talk about respecting people's time as you've jumped in here without giving time to reading the OPs comments properly.

  1. She was ill
  2. She never said she was going in the first place as she knew she was busy
  3. Work needed her

So ONE potential plan she could have avoided by saying no to work.

And these were over 7 months. And she say them in between.

If you think cancelling ONE plan for work in 7 months makes you flaky then I can't imagine why anyone would bother with you.

AliceOlive · 06/07/2024 11:20

FinishTheGame · 06/07/2024 08:35

Do people actually red them thread?

First time, OP was ill.

Second time, she hadn't even accepted the invitation from her friends, she just told them she couldn't make it when they were planning it. Therefore she didn't cancel!

Third time, OP had to work.

It’s so irritating!! People come on and have a go and clearly haven’t read much at all.

AliceOlive · 06/07/2024 11:17

daliesque · 06/07/2024 11:05

Well with that attitude I expect that OP isn't too upset that you're not one of her friends.

There's no way I'd be one of her friends. I don't hang out with people who have no respect for my time.

You don’t seem to have any respect for our time, as you’ve clearly not read the thread.

daliesque · 06/07/2024 11:12

I’ll still very much be instigating other stuff with other friends.

Do everyone a favour and stick to your "mum" friends. Because your attitude towards this group stinks (and interesting how they only became toxic when there were people saying you're the flaky one).

daliesque · 06/07/2024 11:05

Well with that attitude I expect that OP isn't too upset that you're not one of her friends.

There's no way I'd be one of her friends. I don't hang out with people who have no respect for my time.

lemonmeringueno3 · 06/07/2024 10:28

What was the message they sent when you cancelled op, the one that prompted you to defend yourself?