Is it fair to have a go at a friend who cancels plans?

I think someone in a previous that people are more likely to be flakey and cancel due to covid. Each to their own - I don't make effort with people who always cancel.

To be fair you had genuine reasons op. We trying to do a group catchup 5 us. Its a nightmare trying to set a date. Its flaky to cancel a few times I know I get frustrated.

Same! The idea of a friend telling me off for cancelling is ludicrous.

Perhaps these aren’t the people for you?

I am by nature a very reliable person. However, since becoming a parent 15 years ago, and for 10 years of that being a single parent, my situation means that I can now seem quite unreliable. To the point where I tend not to arrange social things very often. As the OP said, when you work and have children, plus all the other things in life that life can throw at you, there are so many things that can get in the way of an arrangement. And I'm surprised that other people commenting can't understand that. 2 examples from my own life: me and 2 friends see each other once a year. On the day we were meant to meet, my son's dad let me down and didn't arrive to take him out for the day. There is no one else close by that could take him. I had to cancel. My friends were understanding and we rearranged, despite me having to cancel last minute. On another occasion me and another friend were going to go to a gig. He'd bought the tickets. I had to cancel 2 days before as a parent was very unwell so I had to prioritise vising them My friend was very understanding and I have bought us tickets to another gig.
The OP didn't want to cancel. She had no choice. Friends would understand.

Not many on here sound like they've got very good friends, I'd be ok with this and so would my friends. Everyone's so bloody rigid these days

So you’ve had multiple friends have a go at you/be off with you but you still don’t think you’re the problem?

Perhaps it’s time to move away from this friendship group.

I am casual about it, as are my friends. We just don’t take it that seriously. Perhaps due to there being plenty of us that there’s always a good number so if you can’t make it, it’s really no big deal.

I’m far from rude and am generous in many ways hence why I’ve had close friends for two decades.

I'd be pretty pissed off with a friend who cancelled repeatedly, you're basically choosing to do something that's more important to you.

Yes, in an ideal world people would always be perfectly understanding, but being let down hurts.

I have a friend who cancels all the time.

i don’t make plans with her anymore. It’s too frustrating

I'd be a bit annoyed of a friend kept cancelling on me. The activities you had arranged may have been their only social activities.

Then again, it wasn't a summons. You didn't have to go.

It has nothing to do with insecurity, it's about not having to put with someone unpleasant. YOU are busy, but is everybody else. YOU have a lot on your plate, so does everyone else.

If you are a really friend, acknowledge that everyone is as busy as you are

Yes you were unreasonable as it's the third time as you coming across as flaky. Suspect your friends won't bother now. Once ok twice sort of ok...third time flaky....you making you excuses and don't value your friends or their time.

Good point! I’m really not fussed about turning up on time either and my friendship group tend to take turns being late. Doesn’t seem to bother any of us.

Everyone is busy, everyone has a lot to deal with.

Other people will have made efforts ,will have make a lot of arrangements to fit you in. I am a serial canceller and you seem very casual about it, which means you don't care about other people's time, you think your time is s more important than theirs.

It's a choice, but you are very rude and inconsiderate to think you are "relaxed" when you show no respect for others.

Are you employed or self employed? Because if I had booked a day off with my employer or was not on the rota but was asked if I could come in I would say 'am sorry but I can't. I have plans'

Caveat: if I was Rachel Reeves and needed to walk up Downing Street to become the first ever female Chancellor I would cancel on my friends. And they would be fine with that.

But just to work an extra shift and do work a favour? Not a chance I would cancel on friends unless I didn't want to see them. So they probably now think you just didn't want to see them and made an excuse.

@HelloJillll I think most people gravitate towards people who have similar attitudes to this

I like to be on time and reliable, so I appreciate that in friends too. I don't like to be kept waiting

One of my friends is always late and often cancels. This irritates me but I acknowledge other people don't mind

Why did you say you'd go if you were working ?

How much notice did you give?

Most groups have a Larry Letdown.

OP, you’re the Larry Letdown.

I'm not insecure, but if someone cancels, then it (sometimes) tells me where I stand in their priorities

And if they don't prioritise me, that's totally fine, their choice, but I'd prefer to gravitate towards people who make more of an effort to see me

Sorry OP I've got a frequently flakey friend and to get to the stage of telling you off, either it's hit a nerve with your friend or maybe a pattern has emerged that maybe goes back further than this.

Just don't be a flake. Either prioritise your arrangements or don't make them at all. I know fomo and all that but your just disappointing your friends.

Is your working pattern unpredictable?