Adult children not calling or messaging often

DD here. I live in a different country to DM. We WhatsApp most days and talk on phone 2 to 3 times a week. I was calling her everyday, but she said it wasn't necessary, (I'm obvs the boring one)

DS lives about an hour away from DM and she calls her every couple of months and sees her probably 6 or so times year. They have a strained relationship.

I know someone who calls her DPs several times a day, and pops in most days. The DM is not the nicest person in the world, so I'm not sure why she has such regular contact with her?

Found it tricky when DC first left home to get the level of contact right. Too much, and you feel like a stalker. Too little, and it turns into Questiontime about what's been happening in their lives since we last spoke!

We do have a family Whatsapp and selfies from the dog, recipes, or silly memes usually elicit a response but I'm conscious not to contact too often as they get on with their lives and careers.

anyway I don’t message my mum much. Loads of reasons but sadly I will admit the main one is she is so dull. It’s just really boring. It’s not a fun chat, it’s either a lot of questions so feels like a job interview or it’s just a monologue of filling me in on all the things happening in her life. I think at this stage our age gap is the most obvious it’s ever been - our lives are so different. I’m not calling you boring per se but I do think there can be a mismatch
I could have written this! It sounds awful but I feel like I ring out of duty rather than because I particularly want to speak to her and then I have to find an hour in my diary to listen to a monologue of drivel about the neighbour's new car, or how early the supermarket delivery came, or a blow by blow account of everything my nephew did when she saw him, and anything she asks me is like a spanish inquisition (and she's often been told about on previous calls!). I don't know what people must talk about who talk daily, or maybe my life is just a dull repetition of work, gym, eat, sleep, occasional social event??

OP I messaged my mum a lot less in my 20s, I was just busy and thoughtless. In my 30s and once I had dc in particular I was never off the phone! It might just be the stage of life they're at.

I think it’s kind of normal? I hear from mine when they need or want something 😂

well, dont do that, its really annoying, takes up loads of space and time.

Send an intersting photo of your day once a week, or something.

I've 2 DC, like you get on well with both, both live within a 15/20 minute drive away.
One I've recently started helping with childcare so see weekly but before that it was as and when.

On top of our private WhatsApp groups we have one to keep in touch with as a family but certainly don't hear from them weekly unless I ping off an "everyone ok" message.

I know if needed they'd be here but equally I like to think that they don't need to feel they have to be in contact every day.

Family WhatsApp all the way

Post videos, memes, updates etc.. sometimes only gets a thumbs up 👍 reaction but it's communication and connection.

Sometimes it's a week between proper conversations (on the phone or in person) with my mum but we know we're all still alive

Young people don’t like talking on the phone anymore FYI. A family group chat is the best way to stay in touch

Are you waiting for them to ring you? How often do you check in on them? What are your conversations like?

Part of this is usually a symptom of the relationship imo, I’ve seen several friends have strained adult relationships with their parents because their parents still expected them to be children but in a way it needs to have morphed into a friend ship at this point and be a two way street.

I might be able to help I don’t know.

anyway I don’t message my mum much. Loads of reasons but sadly I will admit the main one is she is so dull. It’s just really boring. It’s not a fun chat, it’s either a lot of questions so feels like a job interview or it’s just a monologue of filling me in on all the things happening in her life. I think at this stage our age gap is the most obvious it’s ever been - our lives are so different. I’m not calling you boring per se but I do think there can be a mismatch

I also have older children who haven’t left home quite yet but they are 20 and over and we all have busy lives I don’t see them in person that much now!

I still speak to them most days, outside of the house so by text message but based on my own experience of my own mum, I don’t ask them loads of questions and sometimes our ‘chats’ are silly banter on a group chat, silly memes. They don’t always reply. I’ve just tried to keep it as contact that isn’t always contact with an expectation that they care about my life all that much 😂 so I will tell my friends about things the kids would find dull and my children I just try to keep it very light and entertaining

This! Our family chats rubbish all day. Just photos and thoughts. It's just rubbish but is nice to connect with different generations.

My mother still complains that we never visit, but we basically chat all day!

This is what I am wondering.

I'm a few hours away daughter. I started to get quite hurt because my mother never contacted me, then I realised she thought for some reason that I should always be the one to contact her first. Why??

Establish a family what's app chat and post chatty stuff

How often would you call/message them op?