To think that most people wouldn’t walk away from this marriage?

If you want to leave, leave. The decision is yours. Be prepared that you may end up sharing the kids, but if you can and want to - you should

I understand that you are in a situation where leaving feels like the right option. It sounds like a lot of the things you hate are situational. I think before leaving I would absolutely be trying to work on that first.
My partner was miserable in his old job and hated where we used to live. It made him hard to live with. Our house at the time was mid renovation and there was a point where I thought, "I'm not sure I can keep doing this and we can't sell the house like this"
Then he got a new job, we had our daughter and then were able to move to a new area and I have the person I love back.
You need to tell your husband exactly how you feel. That your current life make you want to separate. If that doesn't give him a kick that where you live has to work for both parties and he doesn't take your concerns on board properly maybe separating is the right decision.

Different circumstances as my sister was in a DV marriage but my nieces life has been better every single day since her parents split up. When together her dad was too focused on controlling my sisters life to be a dad and he barely saw my niece as my sister wasn't allowed in the family house at weekends. Her leaving allowed him to begin being a dad.. It isn't always the case that children do better in a marriage but I believe all avenues needed to be explored first to make sure that the marriage is the problem and leaving the solution

Does he work? If he’s retired then it doesn’t matter how much you do outside of your job, legally he’d be the primary carer for your youngest child any way. You need legal advice.

From what you've said op, I'm not sure why you think he's kind. What do you actually mean by that? He dismisses your opinion, leaves all the grunt work to you, and doesn't care if you're unhappy. What is kind about that?

Putting kids first, very often, and seemingly in this case, would mean splitting up. Happier mum is priceless.

I can understand that! Could you do some therapy together or speak with a counsellor? It might be that you can resolve it. Or, it might make it clear what the real issues are and whether they can be solved or not.

If you are unhappy in your marriage and he is not prepared to effect the changes that will help this (ie such as moving) either seek counselling or leave and live the life you want to. Nobody has to live an unhappy existence and life is too short.

You need to be more precised.

You want to move away from the village, he doesn't. Why not? He might have very valid reasons, he might not.

You absolutely can't just " take the kids with you ".
You're married. There is absolutely no reason why he couldn't have them. The courts and divorce solicitors will start at 5050

YOU don't get to decide that.
Besides, you've had enough of him, fair enough, maybe they would still like to see their dad !

I actually think it's the opposite and ops decided to tell us how shit he is because posters didn't immediately tell her to leave.

Of course you can leave if you want to op, but they're your joint children. He will get a say and if you can't agree the court will decide.

So he doesn't help with the house or kids and doesn't care that you hated living in a building site or jn a small village and won't make any compromises but just insists on having his own way on everything?

What does "kind man and ok dad" mean?

If he actually was kind he would care about your happiness and you wouldn't be in this position.

You are gaslighting yourself into thinking it's your fault and it sounds like it's his.

what's your work situation? What's your income, can you even afford to move out?

Yes, it does sound like he deserves better than being with someone who doesn't love him and hate their life.

If you move and take the kids, which you can't do because he's just as much a parent but for the sake of the argument, what do you do?

nothing stops you from sitting down and having a frank discussion, explaining that you are not happy so you want to move, have found a place, kids would go to x school and you need to discuss the parenting split and go from there.
Not having a moan, but practical solutions showing that you mean it.

If I had 3 young children, the husband wasn’t abusive and a significant source of my unhappiness was his failure to listen to and acknowledge my concerns, I’d try marriage counselling, properly, before leaving.

The divorce wasn't the issue there as much as the fact that afterwards the parents put their kids through a shitshow caused by one moving so far away that travel between the homes was completely ridiculous and neither of them providing stability - one didn't even provide food!

Had the mother moved only a short distance away and both of them got their sorry arses in gear so the kids had two secure, safe and stable homes and civility between them, the children would have fared far better.

(even if that means you have a discreet affair or two)

Oh good Lord...

Ahh OP I feel for you, sounds like a few women I know who married older partners, fine when the men are in their 40s and still young and virile, but once they are 60 and you are still in your prime in your 40s you find yourself married to a boring upper middle aged man. And I know there are some men who stay vibrant no matter their age, but what I have seen in my social circles is that there is a lot of situations as the one you find yourself in.

However, as you have young children, in your position I would grit my teeth and put them first and if it is not a terrible marriage with no abuse I would do everything to keep the family unit together (even if that means you have a discreet affair or two) https://thespectator.com/topic/how-divorce-never-ends/

It’s not him who will be calling the shots though. If you disagree, the family courts will decide where they live and it will be based on what is in the best interests of the children rather than what seems fair to either parent or how much effort they put in to the marriage or whatever.

Maybe you'd have had different responses if you had have explained more. You've posted as though it's you with the issues. You don't feel the same, you don't like the house, you don't like the area. All of those things don't give you the right to walk away with your kids, and indicate more so that maybe you need some support.

Oh no, that is hugely stressful. So you moved to a fixer upper in the middle of nowhere and he agreed to work on the house but now isn't doing it? And you feel disconnected and lonely?

Why won't he move? Is he actually happy or does he just not want to admit the project has failed?

I have children, so I would put them first and keep my family together, work on my marriage and the other aspects of my life.

People are saying you don't just get to say "I'm taking the kids".

You “hate the house and hate the area” - would you actually be able to afford to move to a different area/somewhere nicer on your own? Wouldn’t your children be devastated if you were to up sticks and leave their Dad? Kind men are not as easy to find as you might think - you have only to read some of the posts on these pages to know that. Take a long hard look at what you’ve got - and remember, the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence.