Mum favours other grand children

Walk away! I did and I wish I’d done it sooner. The catalyst for me was when my child asked why they weren’t loved the same 😫

I can understand how hurtful this can be, unfortunately it happens often in families. Very unfair, are you able to have a conversation with your mum about it? Good luck going forward.

I understand why by the OP is very judgemental of her mother and sister's relationship maybe they've picked this up

We have thus with my ils and their dd. They had always been closer (plus live 5 min away compared to 45 min away) but once dn was born that changed everything. Ds didn't get a look in. It use to bother me a lot but over time I learnt to accept it and I stopped making all the effort. Pil now are irritated ds is not that interested in them and don't seem to realise it's their doing.

A shame and must be hurtful for you.

How much did she see you when DS was younger? You mentioned she used to be more involved?

Are your sister's children girls? Some grandmas seem to have a closer relationship with female grandchildren, especially she likes doing their hair/clothes shopping/letting them play with her jewellery etc.

Has your DS always been very talkative? Do you attempt to rein him in when your mum starts to look bored or frustrated? I wonder if he's telling her all about Minecraft or BunnyVMonkey, as boys his age often do 😆 When they're getting the hang of conversations they sometimes forget to let the other person talk. Or chatter about things older people haven't even heard of. One of my nephews talks in monologues about Paw Patrol, no idea why my brother doesn't have a word.

What does your DS want to talk about? Is he ever quiet doing things on his own or does he want constant attention? Because that can be just as difficult to cope with as bad behaviour

1. maybe your mum likes feeling needed, by your sister and her children.

2. it sounds like a symbiotic dependent relationship, that your sister and mum both want/ need. What can you do about that? Force your way in, or just let them carry on.

3. maybe it’s because your son is older and your mum doesn’t know how to entertain or engage with a child of his age, or doesn’t enjoy it. At 8, I assume he wants to play a board game, video game, go to the museum etc. maybe your mum is more comfortable with little ones?

4. perhaps it’s because your sister has two kids.

5. is there something in this, where your mum sees that you can cope just fine. Your sister can’t.

ultimately, it seems like your mum and sister are enjoying their equation, and don’t want to change it. I think it is sad for your and your son, but I think it would be more sad if you kept pushing and persisting. What does this show your son…to plead for attention from people who don’t want to give it to him? No. Show him to enjoy his life and indulge in his passions and interests. The people whom he will spend time with along the way, will offer him an opportunity to socialise and form bonds with. When his grandmother does see him, enjoy it, without bitterness or need or desperation.

Comparing yourself to others and their relationships family or not, will never make you happy OP. Just be the mum you want to be and you'll find others will want to spend time with you, if not, their loss. Be awesome x

Phrasing I've heard before is you can't pick your family, but you can pick the family you see.

They say you can't pick your family.

But you can go no contact.

We did this and it's bliss, we're so much happier now and at peace.

Sorry OP, withdrew my comment as I realised it wasn't what you were talking about!

Hope you are ok, lots of us totally understand being made to feel the outsider x

How the fuck does writing something like that benefit you? Did you get a kick out of being such a bitch?

Is your sister on her own? Do you have a DP?

Not that it's an excuse but could be a reason.

You need to distance yourself. You know she always favoured your sister. You know how that makes you feel. Don't put your son in a position where he feels the same way you did. Protect him.

From birth my ils had their dd's dc overnight. Holidays. School events.. My dc never had more than a biscuit during the weekly hour visits we were allowed.... Back away op. Your dc don't need to realise they are second class...

My mother kept comparing my children to my sister's children unfavourably to me . My mother did this to us as children. She now plays the helpless old lady and now has her grown up grandson, my son running round after her despite favouring the other grandchildren when they were small .

I Also think she has been putting things in my kids heads about me as they sometimes come out with critical things about me using her phraseology. I think that the penny is slowly dropping and they are starting to see my mother in her true light . My son's wife has I think . I've said nothing . I've let them figure her out for themselves.

I have this with my dad. Sister was his favourite child (he'd deny this) so naturally her daughter is also his favourite.
My two and niece are all teenagers now (other grandchildren are in their 20s) and of course they've all noticed and aren't terribly happy about it.
Having said that, is your mum just better with younger children? Only ask as I had DS 4 years ago and my dad seems loads more involved with him so perhaps he's just better with younger children (or perhaps it's because DS is non verbal so doesn't answer back).
Of course it hurts and children do notice. Try to distance a bit and if one day your son says he doesn't want to see his grandmother then back him up. Why should he bother if she doesn't? Unfortunately this has happened with both my nephews who barely see my dad now but then who can blame them?

My son hardly sees anything of his grandparents (they’re not interested) so it sounds like you have more involvement and support than some. Is your sister a bit too dependent on your Mum perhaps because 6 out of 7 days is a wild amount of involvement in their family life?

This kind of situation was developing with my in-laws, we couldn't visit them without SiL and her children turning up, every single time. I was getting pissed off that our DC never saw their GP without their cousins being there.
Eventually, I told my PiL that sometimes we would like to visit, just us, so that they could spend time with our DC to build a relationship with them.
They hadn't really thought about this, but once they had they were quite happy to change things.
Perhaps as your DC gets older, your DM might enjoy chatting to your DC.
Try talking to her about how you feel.

Missing 1 sports day if she's attended the others isn't all bad. But if DSis is the golden child and enmeshed with your DM, you could try a calm chat with DM about how it makes you feel. Do you want a similar enmeshment in your relationship with her (sounds unhealthy tbf) or do you think your DSis feels in competition with you over DMs affections, or is it her needing more support than you because she has 2 DC? How does DM respond if you call her out on it? DMs only really got a few years before your DC becomes a teenager and will just want to be with his mates, not older relatives, so she's missing the opportunity to bond with him.
How does your DF fit in with this? Does your DF spend time with your son - maybe a joint interest?

Edited as I got the in-laws mixed up so comments irrelevant

Some odd replies on here. It's understandable and completely justified you feel the way you do. It's extremely sad for the child who isn't enjoying the same relationship with their grandparents as their cousins are. I can speak as one of those children whose grandparents bothered more with my cousin's than with me. It hurts.

OP I get it, my DD2 is second best in my mother's eyes to my DN3.
My mum has my nephew 2 days including overnight every week for my sister for free and usually one weekend day and/or night, whereas when it came to childcare for my DD she wanted £500 a month so I just put her in nursery instead. My mum has watched my DD for me a handful of times, but only for things like medical appointments. To put I to perspective, I had pneumonia when she was 8 months old and my mother didn't bother to check in on me, let alone help me with my daughter.

For those saying it's unhealthy so why do you care, in my sisters case it has become unhealthy becauseof the amount my mum does, it isn't that they once had an unhealthy dependent relationship. Their is no room for a relationship for my daughter because of this.

It makes me sad as I feel let down by my mum and I feel for my daughter who doesn't have a grandparent relationship like her cousin does but have now accepted it and have gone low contact to avoid my daughter from being hurt from this in the future.

Because a post like that is not helpful when you are dealing with hurt and generational neglect. It is also emotional very difficult to extract yourself from.

Op needs some encouragement and comments about how others negotiates this. Not be told she is wrong. Her mother has done that Indirectly all her life.

For @Whistledown1005
It took me years to accept that my mother whom I as a child and teenager thought I was close to saw me as the scapegoat. What gave me the push was my then 4 year old daughter looking at me in the way only a child could asking to play with her. (I was making dinner we were visiting my birth country my mother had not seen my children for a year niece she saw regular)
I said I can't I'm making dinner. Why don't you ask mormor?
Dd said in that way only children can
"No, she would rather be with niece"..

I can recall thinking. "Ohh no not on my shift you dont"

We went low contact. Slowly but surely. I fostered the relationship with mil and result is now in their 20s my children speak of MIL with great love and adoration of a much loved dearly missed grandmother. My mum is rarely mentioned not missed by them they didn't know her. She didn't get to damage them. I did good by my children they grew up feeling loved and important.