Slightly offended DGM announced I 'married well'

What she said is true. There's nothing wrong with marrying well. It's a good thing IMO.

You married well. You live a good life BECAUSE your husband earns well. Him being away a lot is not the point. Lots of wonen marry well, in comparison to the background they came from.

Each party brings something to the table in a relationship and your husband chose you for the qualities he sees in you.

They come from a different time where money literally meant life or death.

My DGM told me I’d never do better than my ex - who paid for everything and I lived a comfortable life. She was also aware he had been cheating and visiting prostitutes.

To her financial security was worth it to put up with that shit.

And her support (with teh risks entailed) enabled him to pursue that career. They both made a fortunate marriage, not just the OP

Well you did didn't you? Your husband fund's your ability to follow a passion project rather than a bill paying job.

But you have both made a fortunate marriage. Your DH has benefitted careerwise from a wife willing to risk taking the "company wife" role wholeheartedly, you have benefitted from being able to pursue your passions even though they were less well paid. Both of you have been able to achieve in your own areas of interest whilst raising a family.

From where I'm looking you have formed a good team which is surely the definition of a good marriage.

And a couple of generations ago - well women didn’t have so much security did they?

Even my big sister when she got married and they bought their first place she couldn’t get her name on the mortgage. Great grandma died as a result of a backstreet abortion because her husband was a a-hole (all the family agreed) and she couldn’t cope. Mum left school at 14 to work in an office and was basically told to leave when she got engaged (by a female boss funnily enough because ‘women who get married just do it because they want to have a-e-x!’). I suppose we all have stories of women generations ago who didn’t have a lot of control in their lives because of how women were treated.

So she says you ‘married well’ (sounds like something in the Brontes!). Say ‘thank you’ and get on with your day.

@JennyTalworts - yes that's right and why I wrote my reply. Nothing she does will change her grandmother!

@HoneyButterPopcorn the phrase "married well" is about money, not personality

i do however feel sorry for the older generation... they get such bad press because they are not hip and cool and trendy! you have to remember, im however many years, when you are very old with many great grandchildren etc.. your views will also be classed as outdated.

just smile.. you are chosing to be offended

She could maybe have been more tactful, but you have married a man who enables you to do the work you want to, whilst still having a good standard of living.

Did she mean money though? Mum was very pleased with my choice of husband - because he always has my back, is very generous and kind and we get on really well (unlike my sisters first husband who was an arsehole).

Eg if she's had dinner at our house, she'll offer to do the dishes and my dh might insist on doing them as she's our guest. "What a saint!" Er, no. Just an ordinary man doing the washing up (eye roll)

(Not that I think of my dh as just ordinary. But hardly a saint ffs)

Aargh my DM has form for this too!

I can't even get too angry because I know she honestly doesn't mean to be mean, she just genuinely thinks it and it slips out.

She's described my dh, variously, as a saint, an angel, she says I'm so lucky to have him, and of course the classic "such a hands on father". Once I snapped "he's a saint to put up with me, you mean?!" And my dm looked sheepish, because yes, that is actually what she meant!

My own dad was an emotionally abusive husband, and utterly absent throughout my childhood. My grandad beat his kids (my dm and her siblings). So to my dm, any ordinary non-abusive man soars over the terribly low bar she has for men. So I try not to take it personally!

my reply would simply be '... yes and he's punching above his weight'

This thread reminded me of a friend of my mother's. Very Hyacinth Bucket, marbles in mouth kind. She used her maiden name, very unusual back when I was young in the 80s. She would tell people quite openly, 'I married beneath me'. I literally heard her say this myself. Someone would ask what her husband did for a living or where she lived and she was answer with that add on. It's actually quite funny when you think on it. I wonder what her DH or kids made of it all

Exactly, it’s commendable to work like the op does but you can only do it if someone else is paying your bills.

I think what the OP is annoyed about is that her 'career' working for Charities, volunteering, fundraising and raising awareness, and following her 'life's mission to help others' isn't being recognised by her grandmother.

This is a bit of a non issue and I suspect you are actually annoyed at the amount of spiteful things she's said over the years.
Let it go for your own sanity. She has history and you won't change her.

I have a family member like this and I just now agree with them whenever they say something like this. It shuts them up because they've can't go any further if you agree!

You have married well. I can’t see on what planet that can be seen as an insult. It’s not the same as “punching” at all. “Punching” is marrying someone who by virtue of loveliness of some sort (usually physical), could have married someone much nicer than you. Married well is just the person you married is nice and usually also financially secure.

Presumably if his lack of investment in family time were a deal breaker you would have left already?

I'm guessing she's decided that she likes her life, and it's an acceptable trade-off. It certainly beats having an absent father to the children and having to fight for child maintenance.

No it's not the equivalent at all because that's about looks, so that would be rude.

This is just a fact. The OP can carry out her life mission to help people and not have to worry about paying bills, because of her husband's job.

I don't know why you've taken it as an insult when it's obviously a compliment? You have inferred that she thinks nothing of your work and contribution to society but she hasn't actually said that at all. It is a compliment because it does imply you have good judgement.

How would you feel if she had said you had married badly? Would you take that as a compliment or an insult?

Pretty much what everyone else has said, by marrying the type if person you did enabled you to do exactly what you wanted to.

I don't think that's offensive, it's just a plain statement of fact. If anything, it's a nod to having enough acumen to engineer a life where you can now pursue your own interests. Presumably if his lack of investment in family time were a deal breaker you would have left already?