Dd keeps saying she feels like she has done something wrong

@Whatabeautifulsunset
Sorry you are going through this. It’s so hard when your child isn’t happy.

You’ve had some good advice and I’d second getting a good child therapist. My dd had therapy for a different reason but it certainly didn’t add to her stress, it was only a positive thing and helped so much.

It sounds like a chicken and egg situation with the constipation. Does the anxiety cause the constipation or vice versa. You’ll work it out in time.

A couple of thoughts on your question about sleep; magnesium spray on the soles and tops of her feet at bedtime to relax her and help with sleep (good for constipation too). Watch some ASMR videos with her at bedtime. There are good ones for kids on YouTube and they helped my anxious dd in times of high anxiety. A bit of lavender oil on her pillow. Bach rescue remedy pastilles.

Last thought, from experience children feed off our nervous systems. If you’re stressed out and so scared about the situation she will feel worse. I know it’s easier said than done but she needs you to have a calm nervous system in order to regulate her own. Try to be the calm for her x.

OP, all sympathy to you, its so stressful. I noted in one of your earlier posts that you were worried you contributed to your daughter's worries by scolding her.

My eldest was very anxious as a 6 year old and I constantly blamed myself and my parenting. Turns out he is on the spectrum. All of my fretting and trying to change how I parented was a complete waste of energy.

You sound like a wonderful mother. Your daughter has challenges which are entirely separate to you, and you will help her with them.

A piece of advice I once saw on here, which I have found helpful:
parent the child you have, not the one you thought you were going to have.

Trust yourself

Could it be that she cannot explain some of her tummy problems and the only thing that is similar is the feeling of being naughty/caught? For example, when we have the sudden need to have a bowel movement or cramps, it might feel different to her, like chills and bowel contractions, which are also common when one gets a scare. In her little world, the feeling closer to that might be when she has been naughty, so she's associating the cramps, chills and uncomfortable tummy with the feeling of being naughty. If so, that must be driving her nuts because she probably knows she's not being naughty but cannot explain what the symptoms are. I would try to validate the symptoms and see if they are physical and she's just associating them with her limited experience to make sense of them. The tummy is one of the first organs that react under stressful and fearful situations (hence the saying of "sh1##ng yourself"), so she might be doing the opposite, feeling the bowel symptoms and explaining it as a consequence of a worry. If she can articulate the symptoms or understand that those symptoms can have other causes, maybe she can separate the two (if that's what it is). One of my DC is scared of plasters because of associating the plaster with a bad hurt, even though the cut/injury comes first! My other DC mixes excitement and anxiety, and sometimes needs help to understand which one it is at that particular time. It's not always easy to identify feelings with limited experience, little ability to compare, and perhaps not being able to fully explain what you are feeling, with words. Could she try to explain how "being naughty" feels? How does she know what that is, how does it feel for her? Maybe you can see other symptoms appear there.

This could be a general anxiety thing but with OCD I had this a lot as well. I used to call them dreams because I didn't know how to describe it but it was intrusive thoughts. It was as vivid as a dream in my mind - unlike just passing fleeting thoughts I could see the images very clearly. Yet it wasn't a hallucination. I knew it wasn't real. I just couldn't stop thinking it.

I was writing out a post literally begging you to take her to someone but I see you've gone ahead with making the appointment now. I'm very glad OP. Thank you for the updates.

My DS responds really well to the sleep casts on the Headspace app, but you could try any guided meditation on YouTube. Or even a loving kindness one. I just leave them running on my phone in his bedroom.

Odd that this is a sudden thing. Has something happened that is making her insecure?

My DD went through a phase when her sibling went into hospital, she seemed to act her fear & anxiety out, she was constantly worried about having given something away & now wanting it back, it was really strange to see a very stable girl becoming so anxious. She was about 9 at the time. We said to her that she was worrying about her sibling & this worry was sort of leaking out.

We offered her either to meet with someone to talk her worries through or maybe spend more time with us on a Saturday. She opted for spending more time with us. We used to take her out for a couple of hours, it worked very well. She is now a very stable 24 year old.

No, it’s Ritalin used for ADHD.

My Dd was initially diagnosed ASd. Anxious, overwhelmed and avoidant with social anxiety. Then she was diagnosed ADHD. I wasn’t convinced she was ADHD although there were a few soft signs.

She triated up to her dose over about 4 weeks and was like a different girl. Bright, happy, confident, friendly and motivated. It turned her to be like her younger self rather than an angst ridden adolescence. Shes 18 now and it’s totally transformed her.

Her ASD symptoms have totally gone. We now think she’s just ADHD.

My Dd too.

Literally turned her round. It’s just amazing.

That also sounds ND. My Dd was very very similar.

I think ND.

My Dd presented with anxiety at an early age and ND was missed.

I increasingly keep reading and hearing that anxiety is often the first presenting symptom of ND in girls and gets ignored or misdiagnosed. Severe anxiety in childhood isn’t a normal thing.

This could be an anxiety reaction. the charity Mind have some useful stuff on childhood anxiety. Your GP and school Senco should be able to refer you to some mental health services too.

Your child might not be Neuro diverse. We are dealing with a Fear of Failure child...we get tantrums, self doubt, procrastination, avoidance...the whole shebang.

I hesitate to say, because I don't at all want to imply that this is the case with your child, but I experienced sexual abuse as a child. That said, I experience feelings of guilt as an adult that are not related to my childhood experiences, which I have worked through in therapy, and just seem to be rooted in generalised anxiety. A concrete example: I struggled to sleep last night because I felt bad about a situation at work. One of my superiors has actively blocked a development opportunity for me without telling me, and I had rightly confronted my manager about it. I was totally in the right and did not behave badly, but feeling like I'd misbehaved kept me up last night

Get her seen straight away as many health professionals on this thread have advised you to do. Don't wait any longer as the sooner she is seen the better. Seeing someone will not only help her but also help you to understand what's happening and you'll get support on the best way to help her

This resonates with me. I have had that feeling of having done something wrong a lot in my life (including this week, at the ripe old age of 41). For me, its a manifestation of my anxiety, and not related to anything beyond that like OCD. As a child, it was directly linked with abuse. Not saying that this is the case with your child, and I hope it isn't, but that was the first place my mind went reading your OP.

I’m a psychotherapist. It could be a number of things, but I’d look into OCD (it sounds like the obsession might be intrusive thoughts of having done something wrong and the compulsions might include telling you about it?) or maybe social anxiety (she’s going back over things she’s said, worrying about how she comes across). Either way, I’d get her into therapy before all of this gets entrenched.

I think the point out people and taking criticism very hard could be indicators of ASD.

The feeling she's done something wrong seems like perhaps anxiety which again could be linked to ASD.

I think you're doing all the right things to reassure her.

If you start the process for ASD assessment you'll get to do a screening questionnaire and then you'll have more idea if it is a possibility.

This sounds very much like anxiety to me. Have you tried play therapy? It might help find out if theres something going on shes afraid to tell you about or cant verbalise. Id go down that route before thinking of autism etc. Best of luck x