To kick him out 3 days after he moved in!?

They've probably changed the locks already

This. Rip the plaster off and get him out. He sounds like an immature feckless waster. Why have you let him engineer a situation where you do all the donkey work and he lolls around being hungover and moaning? Madness. If living together starts like this he will never respect you

Recovering from a lads holiday doesn’t take 4 days, a day in bed and he needs to get on with it.

Hi @YourRubyBee , you know the answer and you know you’ve been silly. Just cut ties, learn from the mistake and move on. Having this man child in your house is not a good example from your girls.

Good luck.

Ok without spelling out the obvious risks, this is another significant reason why it’s not a good idea.

I used to work in education and social services and seen this kind of set up go wrong in so many ways.

I think perhaps this living situation has brought things to a head and really forced you to see how incompatible you are and how he’s going to be a burden at best and a risk at worse, more than anything else.

Cut your losses and go your separate way!

Please don't assume people are being mean, if anything they want to give you some anger so you are strong enough to get rid if needs be!

This. Different stages.

If I was his sister or friend or parents I actually wouldn’t be happy at this situation from his point of view. Not only do I think it’s not great for OPs kids but he is 26 no kids - he should find someone similar instead of getting with a woman 10 years older with two children.

Many (including me ) are always advising childless women- especially younger ones - on here not to get tied down with men with kids and just to enjoy their stage of life.

I’d definitely be telling a 26 year old woman to run if she came on here talking about moving in after a year with her boyfriend who has 2 kids.

You seem to have had some discussion about finances before he moved in but did you talk about sharing chores etc? Maybe he'll step up if you point out he's being a lazy git but it rather seems as if he's used to being waited on and you are just going to resent him if this continues.

This, exactly!

Are any of your teens female btw, OP? He’s about as close to their age as he is to yours.

Have you asked him to leave yet?

Your poor children. Less than a year and you move in someone who doesn't do anything. Have they meet him. Kick him out op ... You and your kids dont need him. You doing so well on your own moving working and looking after kids and dog.

Be kind to yourself OP. Relationships are tricky and we’ve all had the wool pulled over our eyes at some point. You’ve realised quickly and can take steps to sort out the situation for the benefit of you and your kids x

He’s a qualified tradesman and not working. Why? Why would any ever date anyone who wasn’t working and would be a burden.

Do you think he’s on a comedown from drugs on his lads holiday? Is he saying he has other illness symptoms or just a sore throat? I think you need to have a serious chat with him about whether the last few days has been normal behaviour for him and whether he intends to lift a bloody finger.

You’re not the first person and won’t be the last to have been charmed by a useless man so don’t beat yourself up about that. He is the one failing not you. But do do something about this sharpish (and then report back because we’re nosey and want to congratulate you for doing the right thing)

phew! I’ve been waiting for you to answer that question, I’m so glad that’s the answer!

you’re free to do what you think is best then OP, all the rest of the chatter is incidental, I’d personally give him the benefit of the doubt with regards to coming back from holiday ill, there is a lot of covid type flus making the rounds, one of my relatives have just come back with an illness that wiped them out for at least a week.

you know you have the choice to send him back to his mum and dads if it doesn’t work out so you need to have to have a good chat sometime about what your expectations are for living together, he may have assumed you’ll be his new mum figure and if so he’ll be in for a rude awakening, I’d give him a couple of days grace then start as you mean to go on!!

A sign of the times to come??? Don’t be silly Op, this is your life now unless you kick him out tonight (and stay firm in not getting him back). If this is how it is starting, it will get much worse.

Repeat this as a mantra:

I am a single mum
I need someone to help me pull the cart
Not someone to sit on it with the children while I pull it alone

I can’t use the money and the patience my children need from me to keep an unemployed cocklodger in comfort.

phew

off he goes then.

If you can’t afford it on your own I think you got 2 choices. Either you grit your teeth until your minimum rental term is up then split up with him, or you fuck him off now and get a lodger and hope your landlord doesn’t find out. Or if you have a female friend who’s looking for a housemate, maybe that could work?

Can you afford the house on your own, OP? If so, I would just say to him it’s over. I assume you’re renting? If so and he’s put money towards a deposit, you probably need to give him that back.

Is he usually in work?

And how often does he go for lads holidays?

If he literally is between jobs and has a new one already lined up for in a week, and only goes on drinking holidays once every few years, I might give him the benefit of the doubt this one time.

Anything else and he'd be gone.

hes 26 so basially still a teen in his mental age- youre at very different stages in your lives

being kind this just wont work

You. Red an honest, lay your cards on the table, chat. Lay our your expectations and go from there.

Send him back to his Mummy