To kick him out 3 days after he moved in!?

"He is a qualified tradesman but he isnt working right now". just how is a good tradesman not working??? The good ones are booked back to back!!!

@YourRubyBee, he sounds stunted, with a lower maturity level than your 16 year old. You are playing with fire by bringing him into your teen daughters’ home. Get him out pronto.

This 👆🏻
It's easy for everyone on the outside to say their bit. I'd be really proud of myself if I was you. Enjoy your new home 😊

This.
Bloody hell.
Get him out of your house asap.
I think you know your daughters deserve so much better than this from you.

No way you should have had a man move into the family home with vulnerable kids, after just one year. No way you can know him properly.

Get rid. Deffo a sign of things to come

Good on you for recognising it in three days, and deciding to tell him this is not working. Many of us take three years or three decades to do this.

And apologise to your daughters, tell them you realise you made a huge mistake because you weren't thinking straight and that getting silly over a boy can be a disaster.

Show them that women do not have to put up with lazy freeloading behaviour and be a great role model by saying no and putting their wellbeing first.

Well done for seeing the situation so quickly, for coming in to the nest of vipers and asking its opinion!

You have what here at Mumsnet is known as a cocklodger. Or a CF. It isn't entirely his fault; he's just not ready for this.

He's only ten years older than your eldest daughter. At 26 he has only just reached maturity (our brains are only fully adult around 25) and you are WAY ahead of him in maturity, life experience, responsibility. He's gone from parents' house to a substitute mum's house with no responsibility and he's behaving like it.

You've now got three teenagers to mother.

He needs time to grow up, and to be honest by the time he's in his thirties a woman in her forties may not be that interesting.

You and your daughters needed time to settle in to your new home. They shouldn't have had a new youthful brother/father figure imposed on them as well at the same unsettling time.

Yes, you've made a mistake, we all do. It's only been a few days.

He has a home to go back to.

This is the thing that Mumsnet is so good at - holding a very chilly mirror up to an OP's eyes with the words What Were You Thinking?!!!! engraved on it

It's often a shock and quite upsetting, and I think you've had a hard time - but it was important. And I think some of the flaming may be coming from the mothers of teenage daughters.

Bye bye ex partner.
Stop making him food drinks etc youve enough on your plate, what an AH.

Has he seen a financial advisor to help him invest the money to generate some passive income?
Or is he just spending it?
Will he burn through it and then look to you to support him OP?

And you need to ask??!

He is independently wealthy. He isn't working at the moment because he is using inheritance to support himself.

What a fucking loser this guy is, he has no sense and sees this financial gain as a means to live like a lad? You and him are on two different wavelengths, you’ve grown up and had children and bought a house, while he’s slobbing about whittling his money away and no doubt expecting the parents to pick up anything financial in future.

Youve let and unemployed lad slob about in a new house. It’s absolute nuts

I thought he was a teenager. Ridiculous.

Bless-have done that with my teenager tonight as he was shattered after getting back from his DofE-however, he IS a teenager and I AM his mum! OP you are a grown up and your BF is also a grown up. You are not his mother. Send him home.

He’s not independently wealthy he’s burning up an inheritance he should be investing - and your life.

Sorry you're getting such a flaming @YourRubyBee
I can totally understand why an independently wealthy person seems like a good catch but I dont think this lad is a good prospect. If I have understood things properly he might as well be a trust fund baby- it tends not to end well for them.
Also I'd be worried about his intentions toward your daughters.

Oh op, the very best thing you can do is make your big mistake only 3 days long. By the time his inheritance and his parents patience runs out this man will be mid30s with very little going for him, and you do not want to be there to pick up the pieces. Send him back. Say 3 days of doing fuck all has shown you this is a mistake and off you fuck please.

I can't believe you'd allow a man like that to live with your 16 year old daughter. Don't you realise there's a similar gap between the two of them, as the two of you? It's not a responsible parental figure, it's almost a peer. Very bad.

I see that you realise this now. MN can be biting but whenever I've had my arse handed to me I've been glad of it, after the initial sting. I hope that in months to come you're glad of it too. It is not too late. Tell him you've made a mistake and ask him to leave. Apologise to daughters. Enjoy new house!

You have been stupid, OP. From one stupid person to another. The good news is that being stupid is not terminal. Time to boot him out.

Tbh I’m similar age to OP, and I’d feel quite maternal/big sisterly to a 26 year old man. I don’t even have friends that young let alone partners.

Most men are less mature than a woman of their same age, so I couldn’t imagine being with a 26 year old. They just seem very boyish to me. There are many exceptions of course but this man doesn’t seem to be one of them!

This one may be particularly lazy (ugh where’s his sense of ambition and motivation to work ?!) but let’s face it, even the more industrious 26 year olds who are living in their parents doing minimal housework, aren’t going to jump at the chance of taking the joint lead as the other adult in the house,
cleaning up after two teenagers and all the other household duties.

This was never going to work. He needs to find a job and a woman at a more similar stage of life to him. Maybe someone slightly younger than him, with no kids and less established - this will maybe force him to build with her instead of expecting someone to mother him as I suspect he’s probably doing when he goes with older women.

This relationship isn’t good for either of them and it would end in resentment on both sides the longer it continues.

Sounds like the Cocklodger has been spoiled by his family.
If his parents have indulged him, why on earth should he work?

He can be a dilettante and loll around while Mummy number 2 cooks and cleans, toils and moils-
It could be ages before his parents die leaving him
what he clearly thinks of is his due.

If he’s a skilled joiner he needs to find a workshop and get busy!

Unless you are looking for another child (him), or a cocklodger, move him out.
Adults adult when adulting is required. He is not an adult.

Op good on you that you posted here asking about this predicament you are in. It’s very helpful to have 8 million (?) readers see
your post and answer. You are new to MN. You have tapped a the very core of MN who hate cocklodgers of any age and frankly are quite good at tracking the traits and calling it out. The youth the inheritance the fabulous lifestyle were and are very nice but you need to read think listen and consider these concerns readers have expressed about being premature with living together and putting your young teens lives first and looking for more in a partner. Start reading posts daily….so so many women posting about unhelpful lazy financially irresponsible partners. Op I’m 30 yrs older than you so I am going to say this…a man 8 yrs younger than you is not the partner you need in life. The age difference matters very much. think about the future of yourself and your girls. Move him right back out with some chicken noodle soup in case he is really sick but still move him out

Did you discuss and agree financial contributions and division of domestic chores before moving in together? It somehow sounds like he's a wealthy cock lodger - that he's contributing financially but in return expecting to treat the place like a hotel with you being his room service. Or maybe he's just got really bad exhaustion and hangover from the holiday, but that's starting to getting a bit beyond reasonable after 4 days...

So, you can admit you made a stupid move. Please don't compound it by letting him stay there. Sending him back to his mommy and daddy's house and reclaiming your house and your freedom is being very smart.

He is very immature, and living off his inheritance shows this immaturity. At some point, it will run out, and he'll have to be waiting around for his parent's to die to continue his lifestyle.

I'm sorry you are getting blasted, but I think many were just shocked at his behavior and the fact that you let it go on. Enjoy your new home with your teens. I hope they have some great ideas for making their room(s) theirs.

Best of luck and happiness to the three of you.