To kick him out 3 days after he moved in!?

All those questions have been answered already. Read the OP's posts.

If you weren't decided before, then please think about them.

They need to see positive relationships not some bizarre stay-a-bed.

This. Why was he living at home? How old are you both?

Where are tour kids when you were staying at his parents house 3x a week?

Sorry but it must be so uncomfortable for them to have a virtual stranger, a male, in their home. If you still like him continue to see him but don’t move in with him until your daughters move out.

No one falls in love quicker than a man looking for somewhere to live

Send him back to his parents. He isn't ready to live as a grownup yet and you don't need another kid about the place especially not a lethargic teenager.

Also you mention that his parents house is currently for sale - is this the reason he decided to move into your home after just a 12 month relationship? Or for true love? 🤔

Forgetting the shitty first week you’ve had in the home…….. what would concern me the most is that he has a sizeable inheritance and instead of buying a house, starting his own business or upskilling, he has decided to move in with his gf, not work and piss the money up the wall on a lads holiday. The lack of ambition and drive would be a complete turnoff for me. What is he planning to do when the money runs out? What a waste of an opportunity.

This

My guess is he's on a comedown from using drugs on the holiday but to give him benefit of the doubt could he have Covid and is genuinely ill?

@YourRubyBee I’m sorry you have had some shitty comments. Unfortunately, there are lots of nasty keyboard warriors on Mumsnet. You’re being sensible by realises quickly that letting him move-in was a mistake. He is clearly a man child. Suitable for a bit of fun only!

You moved him in with your kids after knowing him for just a year????

He sounds like a prize Cocklodger. I wouldn't accept that behaviour from my teenagers. My 15yo DD came home from a school trip abroad (v. Long overnight flights) and arrived back when we were in the middle of moving house and provided more assistance, albeit unwillingly.
Any tradesman who is unemployed at the moment is not an actual tradesman, more likely a shoddy labourer. Tradesman are overrun with work in our area and would be taking on anyone that knew what they were doing.
He is extracting the urine.

Send him back to his mum. Yes that could cost you the relationship but there's not really a lot to lose anyway.

You are giving your kids a terrible example!
Why have you let him move in?
Don't you have any self respect?

Look, sometimes things only emerge when we change a context.

Like in your case, now the two of you share an equal space as adults but turns out he's not 'adulting'.

He's also not bothered working, so there's a lack of motivation or a reason to get up and do something every day.

"He isn't working at the moment because he is using inheritance to support himself."

Chances are he won't work anytime soon.

Now, if you have an income then some might ask - why work?

But what you are seeing is that you are his new Mummy who is his Carer not an equal.

I think you both want different lifestyles and they don't suit.

He's not going to take over management of the house as an equal.

If you look back in things maybe you were masterminding this whole moving in together and he was just saying 'yeah, hmm that sounds good' to please you.

Maybe he was happy living in the country pile yet also having you over 3 days a week.
He thought you would just do the Mummy tasks as well in the new place.

Sorry for your troubles and all the effort you went to. You were just trying to build a nice family for you and the kids, and him.

But be Firm. Have Boundaries.

Show him the bloody door waster

You have a stern word about behaviour and responsibility and if he doesn't get off his ass and start contributing he goes back to his parents.

On the off chance that this is vaguely real - @YourRubyBee - YWBU to move him in in the first place so YANBU to kick him out.

OP we’ve all made mistakes, some huge cock ups and some smaller bloopers; I’m 63 and could write you a list of mine.
But…. the important thing isn’t what you’ve done but how you deal with the fallout. And you seem to realise that you’ve made a mistake and now you can deal with it. Probably won’t be easy but you can do it. I worry more for the women who can’t even see the issues in their lives.

I asked for advice, I realise I've been an idiot here and I'm going to resolve it this evening.

You haven't been an idiot @YourRubyBee - or at least not more than many women. We are conditioned by our society to look after those we love. Go easy on yourself!

The fact that the man you love isn't worthy of you is another matter.

But please do chuck him, or keep him as a weekend boyfriend. His behaviour won't improve, if he isn't trying to impress you at the start of living together.

Agree with this. YANBU and the anger towards you was undeserved in my opinion. We’ve all had our heads turned and made mistakes but it’s not unsalvageable. Set some expectations for him of what you need him to do and if he doesn’t change in a week give him his marching orders.

I think to kick him off is an excellent idea.

I only said what lots of other posters were thinking. If you are so upset about my post please report it and have it deleted. That might help you to calm down a bit.

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