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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To kick him out 3 days after he moved in!?

391 replies

YourRubyBee · 04/07/2024 17:49

Hi all, I have been with my boyfriend for about a year, he had never been to my house (my choice) and instead I stayed at his parents house with him 3 nights a week and we went out etc. I moved house last week and he was meant to be moving in with me. Unfortunately the house move fell during the week he was away on a lads holiday that was booked months ago.

He came back from his holiday Monday night and came straight to the new house. He has effectively been in bed since. He has gotten up a few times, once to shower and once to make a sandwich, other than that he has been in bed (mostly asleep). At one point he bought an airbed downstairs and slept on it on the living room floor because there are no blinds in the bedroom yet and the sun was in his eyes and the 'couch is uncomfy' (this was during school hours and he went back upstairs to bed when my kids were due home).

I have done the house move, organising everything, cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, school runs etc alone. I am looking after the kids (mine from a previous relationship) and the dog. He put a lampshade the night he got here and has done precisely nothing since. He says he has a sore throat but it feels like an excuse. To be fair to him he was saying he had a sore throat whilst on holiday but still managed to go out drinking every night. He is a qualified tradesman but he isnt working right now.

I have asked him to get up and come downstairs, walk the dog with me, have tea together etc (I am currently making him meals and he is eating them in bed).

What would you do? Is this a sign of things to come? He did spend alot of time in bed whilst we stayed at his parents house but I assumed it was because we spent our time together up there watching films etc because his parents were downstairs.

Any advice please

OP posts:
Iaskedyouthrice · 04/07/2024 18:22

Oh OP, what were you thinking? So now you know he just stays in bed all the time, you made excuses for it when he was living at home, you can't make excuses now.
Please want more for you but more importantly, your children. Get him out.

SamW98 · 04/07/2024 18:21

Jesus Christ what have i just read? Why the fuck would you move an unemployed cock lodger who’s never been to your house before under your children’s roof?

They do say no one falls in love as quickly as a man who needs a roof over his head.

Get rid and learn from this

Skodacool · 04/07/2024 18:18

Primefungus · 04/07/2024 18:00

Why are you cooking his meals? He's an adult isn't it? He doesn't get up, he doesn't get fed. He wants food, he gets up and gets it himself.What exactly does this unemploymed loser add to your life? Or your children's?
Back to mummy for this one

Precisely!

CollyBobble · 04/07/2024 18:16

He doesn't work and sleeps all day.

Kick him out and buy a Sloth as they sit around doing very little but at least look cute unlike your slob of a boyfriend.

madameparis · 04/07/2024 18:13

Oh dear god no! Send him back to mummy and tell him not to contact you again until his voice has broken and his balls have dropped.

PiggieWig · 04/07/2024 18:13

What’s the arrangement here? Does he own any share of the house or have his name on the tenancy?

I wouldn’t go from ‘never been to my house’ to living together in one move.

I’d give anyone grace for being rough for a few days after a heavy holiday. I’m not above a bit of that myself. But in these circumstances it’s deeply unattractive and setting things off on the wrong foot. Back to his mums, sleep off his illness, back to work and if you want to continue the relationship let him stay over from time to time.

AmandaHoldensLips · 04/07/2024 18:13

KLAXON:

MAN BABY ALERT!!!
MAN BABY ALERT!!!

Liripipe · 04/07/2024 18:12

OP, this makes no sense. He's never even been to your house, you've stayed with him at his parents' house and you 'went out', and after a year of this you move him in with your children??? And suddenly discover this man is a juvenile idiot?

soscarlet · 04/07/2024 18:09

JFC. This is the problem with rehoming a man straight from his parents, he’s got no idea how to be a grown up. Send him back ASAP or you’ll be stuck with him.

Out of interest, how old are you both?

FrustyOldCrump · 04/07/2024 18:09

I suppose it didn't occur to him to cancel the holiday in order to help with the move?

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 04/07/2024 18:09

The door is that way oh little prince of a man!

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 04/07/2024 18:07

@YourRubyBee unless his job is driving a snowplough, then i dont know why he isnt working!! any tradesman is hard to pin down! as for lying in bed for three days while you run around that is not on!! turf him out!

MadeForThis · 04/07/2024 18:06

He needs to move back in with mummy.

trytofly · 04/07/2024 18:06

What a poor example for your children. Both of you.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/07/2024 18:06

I’m assuming that only you own or rent this house?

Ponderingwindow · 04/07/2024 18:05

Do your children even know him?

there are so many red flags here. Get him out now. It will be easy. I’m sure he hasn’t expended any energy unpacking.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/07/2024 18:05

Kick him out immediately. Just no. This doesn’t happen.

Blanca87 · 04/07/2024 18:04

No, just no. Stop doing everything for him. Fucking hell woman give your head a wobble and think of your kids.

Starseeking · 04/07/2024 18:03

Oh my goodness, I would send him back so fast his feet wouldn't touch the ground Confused

You've already got x number of DC, don't take this man on as another one!

ActualChips · 04/07/2024 18:03

What did I just read?!
The only reason to move an unrelated male in to your kids home is if it's in their best interests. Is that the case here?

You haven't been dating for long, he's an unemployed slob and you're skivvying after him. Why?

TargetPractice11 · 04/07/2024 18:02

My goodness.

Kick him out immediately.

Why are you bringing him meals?!

What a poor example for your children.

He should never have moved in. Continue to date him if he's fun but don't move him in again for a long time and without a lot of communication and understanding about how that would go.

cheddercherry · 04/07/2024 18:01

What on earth do your kids think of him just in bed all day?!

Scorchio84 · 04/07/2024 18:00

Oh god no get rid of this man child, what must your children think?

Primefungus · 04/07/2024 18:00

Why are you cooking his meals? He's an adult isn't it? He doesn't get up, he doesn't get fed. He wants food, he gets up and gets it himself.What exactly does this unemploymed loser add to your life? Or your children's?
Back to mummy for this one

VickyEadieofThigh · 04/07/2024 17:59

combinationpadlock · 04/07/2024 17:51

he goes straight back where he came from. You've only been with him a year? Too fast to move in together when you have children, anyway.

Gawd, THIS.