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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To kick him out 3 days after he moved in!?

391 replies

YourRubyBee · 04/07/2024 17:49

Hi all, I have been with my boyfriend for about a year, he had never been to my house (my choice) and instead I stayed at his parents house with him 3 nights a week and we went out etc. I moved house last week and he was meant to be moving in with me. Unfortunately the house move fell during the week he was away on a lads holiday that was booked months ago.

He came back from his holiday Monday night and came straight to the new house. He has effectively been in bed since. He has gotten up a few times, once to shower and once to make a sandwich, other than that he has been in bed (mostly asleep). At one point he bought an airbed downstairs and slept on it on the living room floor because there are no blinds in the bedroom yet and the sun was in his eyes and the 'couch is uncomfy' (this was during school hours and he went back upstairs to bed when my kids were due home).

I have done the house move, organising everything, cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, school runs etc alone. I am looking after the kids (mine from a previous relationship) and the dog. He put a lampshade the night he got here and has done precisely nothing since. He says he has a sore throat but it feels like an excuse. To be fair to him he was saying he had a sore throat whilst on holiday but still managed to go out drinking every night. He is a qualified tradesman but he isnt working right now.

I have asked him to get up and come downstairs, walk the dog with me, have tea together etc (I am currently making him meals and he is eating them in bed).

What would you do? Is this a sign of things to come? He did spend alot of time in bed whilst we stayed at his parents house but I assumed it was because we spent our time together up there watching films etc because his parents were downstairs.

Any advice please

OP posts:
SamW98 · 04/07/2024 18:50

ActualChips · 04/07/2024 18:46

She made them go along to the boyfriends parents house for a sleepover. The mind boggles.

Jesus Christ I missed that bit. Those poor kids being dragged to stay at a relative strangers house so mummy can get a shag.

Dear God - yet another MN thread where dick gets prioritised over kids. Its grim as fuck

Beautiful3 · 04/07/2024 18:50

Congratulations you now have a man child.

Skyrainlight · 04/07/2024 18:50

I'd get him out now before the parents realise what a joy it is to not have him there and say they don't want him back.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/07/2024 18:50

Julyshouldbesunny · 04/07/2024 17:58

Congratulations on your new teenage ds...

😂😂

Lifechanging12 · 04/07/2024 18:49

ActualChips · 04/07/2024 18:46

She made them go along to the boyfriends parents house for a sleepover. The mind boggles.

WTAF…

pinkyredrose · 04/07/2024 18:48

Yuk. I bet your vagina has shrivelled up. To give it a chance of future hydration kick this waste of space out. Immediately. Like right now!

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 04/07/2024 18:48

Cor blimey - sincerely hope your contraception is effective... chuck this loser immediately!

LakeTiticaca · 04/07/2024 18:48

Have a serious conversation with him
Either he gets a job and starts shaping himself or he's out.
A skilled tradesman shouldn't be short of a job

BuggeryBumFlaps · 04/07/2024 18:48

If he's not working how is he going to contribute towards household expenses?

Tbh I'd not even bother with a response from him about the above and boot his arse out. If he was well enough to go out with mates he's well enough to pull his weight now

Stropalotopus83 · 04/07/2024 18:47

Aside from all the other issues - if he isn't currently working how was he supposed to be paying his share of the bills? Was there a discussion about this? Did you just agree to him moving in with no way of contributing? Odd.

Bex071509 · 04/07/2024 18:46

Mrsttcno1 · 04/07/2024 17:51

I’d give him a minute OP, if his lads holiday was anything like my girls holidays I was always good for absolutely nothing for a week afterwards recovering and catching up on sleep

are you being serious?!
OP- kick him out! He sounds like a man child!

ActualChips · 04/07/2024 18:46

Lifechanging12 · 04/07/2024 18:43

A house move is a big change for everyone especially kids. Why have you invited a guy you’ve only been with for a year to live with you?

Where were your kids when you stayed with his parents 3 days a week?

She made them go along to the boyfriends parents house for a sleepover. The mind boggles.

FOJN · 04/07/2024 18:45

Send him back to mummy and daddy before he gets too comfortable.

Iaminthefly · 04/07/2024 18:45

And he doesn't even have a job?? Jesus Christ woman. What's wrong with you?

Iaminthefly · 04/07/2024 18:44

Why the fuck have you moved a man you've known a solitary year into your chidrens home? Are you really that desperate to have a man around? Your poor kids. I pity them having a mum with such little regard for their welfare.

SoComplicated · 04/07/2024 18:44

Why did you ask him to move in with you when he’s not working? Does that mean you will be paying for him to live there as well as making all his meals to eat in your bed?

Overther · 04/07/2024 18:43

I'd stop making his meals for him for a start! He sounds like a lazy arse, I'd tell him he either pulls his finger out or he can go back to his parents

CestLaVie123 · 04/07/2024 18:43

Jesus fucking Christ OP - wake up!!! I'm glad you posted on MN and i hope that this is the wake up call that you need - get rid of this utter loser! Work on your self-esteem, raise your bar, stay single if no worthy men present themselves!

Lifechanging12 · 04/07/2024 18:43

A house move is a big change for everyone especially kids. Why have you invited a guy you’ve only been with for a year to live with you?

Where were your kids when you stayed with his parents 3 days a week?

Getonwitit · 04/07/2024 18:42

You dragged your children from their home to your new boyfriends parents house so you could have sex ! FFS. Put your children first.

Sunnydiary · 04/07/2024 18:41

Why isn’t he working?

Actually, scrub that, who cares.

Tell him to fuck off.

mybeesarealive · 04/07/2024 18:41

Sounds like a cocklodger as no doubt many have said before. Send him home to his mum for some TLC. Once he's there, tell him not to come back. Find someone who wants more than a free maid with benefits.

GiggleMugsMandy · 04/07/2024 18:40

Kids aside, I couldn’t stand for someone to eat a meal in bed, he’d have been out the door the first time he tried it!

ActualChips · 04/07/2024 18:39

YourRubyBee · 04/07/2024 18:31

He does know the kids, they have met him alot and we have been out for meals, days out etc. They have stayed at his parents house with us also. He grew up in a very well off household and I'm starting to get the impression nothing was ever expected of him at home.

He is definitely a joiner, he has worked whilst we've been together but not recently. The more I write the more I'm seeing sense but tbh his priorities seem to be the gym, sunbeds, pub with his friends and sleeping most days recently.

Ffs, how stupid have I been.

Edited

How embarrassing. You've chosen to have kids, so your standards need to be exceptionally high. They're non existent now. Put your kids first.

Jellycatspyjamas · 04/07/2024 18:39

What on earth, no he either joins the household as a fully contributing adult, financially, housework, emotional support or he fucks off. He isn’t even giving you a honeymoon period here - how does he think a home runs? On fresh air and auto-clean.

Send him back where he came from and only consider having him stay when he’s shown commitment to holding down a job, contributing to the household and showing you the consideration and respect you deserve.