Ex appears to have ghosted me, I'm devastated

OP, please understand that I’m not trying to be mean with this post. You come across as needy and desperate. Your ex sounds like a user and abusive. It is past time to block him and get some therapy to help you move on and explore why you were willing to accept his abuse. Before you justify his abuse by saying he was lovely to you most of the time, google cycle of abuse. If abusers were always mean, their victims wouldn’t stay.

I half suspect ghosting you is just another way to abuse and control you. You’ve told him you want to get back together and he keeps seeing you without reciprocating. I think he is testing to see just how long he can ignore you and you will pursue him. Take this as an opportunity to move on without him. Block him everywhere so he can’t play with your emotions anymore.

You keep saying you tried to sort things out. But how? If he doesn't want you then no amount of coaxing or cajoling will bring him back and even if it did, he's not there because he wants to be or wants you, he's there because he either got badgered into it, or he figured you will do until he does find the one.
Have some self-respect. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't like you that much and definitely doesn't love you? That's setting yourself up for a miserable life with someone who will never put you first, support you, love you, and will probably fuck off the first time he meets someone that turns his head. Because he didn't want to be there in the first place. Spare yourself that at least.

He's not interested in rekindling the relationship, and after 8 months maybe he's finally called it a day because you cant just be friends and are hoping to restart it again. He's making the sensible choice here and putting a stop to this continuing charade.

Because he is, as previously discussed, a nasty, abusive wanker, @Canttakemuchmoreofthis1!

Would you want your daughter, in the future, or your best friend to be in a relationship with a man who berated them, hid food, criticised what they chose to read, refused to commit to the relationship and vanished off on nights out without telling them? Or would you want better for them? Someone who would support them, lift them up, praise and encourage them, be a real partner to them?

Don't you deserve a decent man to be your partner?

There are decent men out there - leagues ahead of this abusive man. Please turn your back on him, let yourself grieve the future you thought you had, and then go and find someone wonderful - you deserve it!

It seems though he wanted you as his back up plan until someone else came along and that seems to be the case now.

Let some other poor woman deal with the immature prick and find your dignity.

But he didn't want to!!

That's what you seem to not be fully grasping, OP. The day came when he didn't want to keep in touch anymore. As he's fully entitled to do.

You haven't been together for 8 months. I see it as healthy and positive that he's eventually moving on. You should, too, perhaps with some outside help in the form of therapy.

I’ve actually considered the fact this may be a troll post now

You are giving him too much credit - you had wonderful times when you were acting like he wanted.

@Canttakemuchmoreofthis1 - be very, very clear on this. The reason why you felt you weren’t his one is because you know, deep down, that he didn’t care for you. The real you. That he was so cruel in so many ways, and somehow made you feel like you deserved to be treated like that because you weren’t good enough - that’s awful, plain and simple.

You’re till a bit brainwashed at the moment, it happens. But you know what - go get yourself a couple of new non-fiction books, make dinner with some table sauces and meet someone who wants you just as you are (because I bet you’re awesome).

The person you’re missing and wish you could be with doesn’t exist.

Good lord! Lucky escape!!! Your gut told you he was wrong for you. Listen to it. He's a bully from what you said. And yes - bullies are good at giving you just enough of what you need to stay in control. He's controlling you still! In 10 years time you'll look back and be thankful he's a distant memory.

OP you left for very valid reasons, he sounds like an absolute prick and you deserve a man who wants what you want and is willing to commit to the future. I’m sorry he has ghosted you, but I think you’ll see in time you’re absolutely better off without him. No man worth loving would laugh at your haircut, berate you over credit card you’re in control of or make you cook his way and hide food from you. Thank god there are no kids involved! Get some counselling and hopefully find someone new and lovely.

You aren't a bitch and you didn't need to apologise. However, when you left him you should have done so on the basis that that was that, not hung around dithering. He's torn off the plaster and done you a favour.

You weren’t unreasonable. He wasn’t nice and you wanted commitment, that’s fair enough. But he’s also allowed to cut out contact once you’ve broken up. It’s always hard letting go even when you know it’s the wrong thing for you and coupled with your desire to settle down it’s totally understandable and normal to feel the way you do. There’s nothing to do but wait for time to heal the wounds I’m afraid. An ex one ghosted me as his new girlfriend didn’t like him speaking to me. It was hard tbh - I put a calendar invite that I can try to contact him again two years later. That helped take my mind off it and feel like it wasn’t a forever goodbye but by the time that time came I had no desire to speak to him anymore and he’s now been over a decade and I have 0 intention of ever contacting him again. Maybe something like that might help!

There are lots of people it has happened to, sharing their experiences saying they have had similar relationships, and offering you the opinion that it is for the best it is over and it will be ok, but you are resistant to hearing that.

It is over. Over. And it needs to be. You were your best self and he didn’t want that and it doesn’t mean anything is wrong. If he stays in contact he still won’t want you and it’ll make you feel like shit and you’ll constantly be down on yourself thinking you aren’t enough. It’s over. You will be ok. Never give him this much power again.

I haven’t read the full thread but I think it's obvious he has met someone else and decided to leave you in the past. Of course it will hurt like hell, you wanted him to fight for you, show you he cares etc but he isn't going to do that for whatever reason. The only thing you can do is give it time and with no contact you will eventually move on. It's a grief process and you've prolonged it by keeping in touch and hoping. In a month you will feel much better. Concentrate on doing fun things and seeing friends. I promise in a few weeks you'll be fine.

He sounds very unpleasant, OP. Read up on emotional abuse. If abusers were unpleasant all of the time, their tactics wouldn't work. So he can do the Mr Nice Guy thing and reel you in, then return to his nasty, critical comments.

He may well be ghosting you so that you will beg him desperately to get back together. Please don't.

But why would you want to get back with someone who you clearly knew “you weren’t the one” for him? I know you said you tried to fix things but I don’t think you can because either you are the one, or you’re not. 🤷‍♀️

I know it’s upsetting but I think it’s for the best and you will see that one day in time.

Look. He doesn't want to sort things now as for him they are sorted. He doesn't want you. You can't have him. He doesn't want to be you. You need to twork on why you want him!

Oh for goodness’ sake. I’m bored of this now so will stop reading. There is no way you’re a 30+ year old woman the way you’re carrying on. You sound absolutely pathetic.

Pretty much everyone on here is cheering you leaving him and encouraging you looking to your future and getting what you want. But you’re too hung up on the loser you left who, quite frankly, hates you.

Get a grip love.

I'm sure it's been said, but he sounds like an absolute cunt.

What are you doing to try and meet new people? At least you'll be spending a but less time texting this loser.

You bought him dinner. He apologised to you and you dismissed his apology.

Why though?

Honestly? He sounds like a nasty piece of work.

Laughing at your haircut? Hiding sauces? Divulging your personal financial situation to other people? What a creepy guy.

I'd block him myself and just not give him any more time. Any time spent on him is time not spent on finding someone who could be the one.

Look, you dumped him because he wouldn't commit and for the other reasons listed in your OP. He sounds like a prick and you can do better than him.
You've kept up texting and so on for months when really you would have been better off having a clean break.

You went out for a meal with him and then he ghosted you. Maybe at the meal he got signals from you that you wanted him back or whatever and that's not what he wants and so he decided he had to put a stop to it.
Maybe the whole thing hurts him a lot and he's realized that having contact with you is making it worse and preventing him from moving on.
Maybe he's met someone else.

I had to ghost and block my ex in the end (even though he was the one to end the relationship). He was behaving in a similar way to you - texting, phoning, chatting, wanting to go out from time to time - but he didn't want to commit to me or to have a relationship again. I felt like he wanted to keep me hanging around as a Plan B in case he couldn't find someone better. Maybe your ex is getting vibes like that from you, even if you don't think those are the vibes you are giving out.

TLDR: He's done you a favour. You're better off without him and all this contact with him is preventing both of you from moving on with your lives.

Apologies if I sound blunt OP
but everyone here is giving you the same answers and advice
you keep asking the same questions over and over and over again.

He’s probably just got bored with you keep trying to sort things out and make it work.
He’s made it very plain to you that he doesn’t want to.

This is a blessing in disguise. He’s showed you the person he is, believe him. He’s immature, selfish and controlling. You had a lovely time the other day probably because you bought him dinner and he didn’t have to even commit to paying for his own dinner. Wake up OP. This isn’t the man you want to be spend the rest of your life with, he’s the man you’d be spending the rest of your life trying to get rid of. Your gut was correct the first time.

Because he could. He used you.

Please get some therapy as I feel something must have been lacking in your childhood for you to think you deserve this and that he's the best you can do.

I wonder if it was your plan and hope that you'd leave and scare him into proposing ..