Ex appears to have ghosted me, I'm devastated

I know from experience that trying to work out why somebody has ghosted you can drive you crazy and the sad truth is you will probably never find out but you’ll get over it with time. All I can say is, it says more about the ghoster than the ghosted person - it’s a very cruel and hurtful thing to do so maybe he’s just not the person you thought he was.

It may be painful, but now you can .move on with your life.

I wouldn't have left him for lack of commitment, I'd have left him because he behaved abusively. Laughing at your physical appearance? Hiding food from you to "make" you cook from scratch? These things are not normal, OP. Nice men do not do these things.

If I was you I'd have a read of Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. I bet you'll find your ex in there. Why on earth do you want to get back together with someone who was so mean to you!? Invest in some individual counselling to understand why your bar is so low. Then raise your bar (minimum standard: partner must not be mean to me) and move on with your life.

One day you will thank your lucky stars he.ghosted you.

As hard as this is, it's for the best. Its totally normal to miss someone, but spending 5 hours with your ex will do you no good. You need to cut all ties, so you can have clarity of thought and decide what you want to do. Focus on yourself, be busy and enjoy life.
For what it's worth hiding the sauce is a massive red flag for me. Very controlling.

You made the right decision IMO. This person does not love you. Someone that loves you builds you up, not takes any opportunity to knock you down. Period.

Either he is talking with someone else and was edging his bets, or he wants you to start begging him to talk to you. Or he doesn’t want to be on an emotional rollercoaster anymore. Believe his silence and I know how incredibly hard and painful it must be, but you need to start to move on from this, because it’ll never be more than something you settled for. It’s red flag central.

Seriously?! You're still wanting him to?! Why???
I keep seeing you say exes can be friends. No. They can't. Only under exceptional circumstances can this work and what you've said isn't one of them. How would your new partner/their new partner feel about it???! It'd be a no way from me!!
You need to hear what we are saying. You can do better. Sack him off and move on. And in future - don't financially support a partner!!!

You sound like you gave him an "ultimatum" indirectly. He said he doesn't want to commit to you, you are 34, so you want to threaten him with leaving by packing your bags. But you regret the decision because it didn't force his hands.

You keep saying you guys could have "sorted it out". There is nothing to sort out. If 2 people are not compatible, they aren't compatible. If things can be "sorted out" by compromise then anyone can be a couple together.

I think you are 34 and freaking out to start over. Stop wasting time on the ex. He made it clear you are not the one. Instead of moving on to understand yourself/what you need and finding your "one" you are wasting precious time holding onto a relationship that's not working out.

He did you a favour by cutting things so you guys can both move on.

Sounds like he needs to force himself to move forward and the only way to that cold turkey is cutting off contact. Do the same yourself, exes don't generally stay friends or in contact for long, time to move on. No need to block, just put him to back of your mind. Xx

Erm read this back!! You can't be serious? Really?

How long is it since you heard from him? He may not be ghosting you, just backing off a bit. Maybe he thinks he is keeping you hanging and it isn’t fair as you want to get back with him bit he doesn’t want that.

it seems you still want him to be different, want different things and he doesn’t want that. He may wish things had been different just as much as you do but accepts that they weren’t and can’t be.

Hedoesn’t sound like he was very nice to you so surely you would want that to be different and he just doesn’t want to out the effort in. The reasons you left him are valid and nothing had changed. You deserve better but it will be hard for a while. You haven’t really grieved for the relationship because of the constant contact. It will get easier.

He sounds like a bell you're well rid.of him.

Just stop. Why would you want to rekindle a relationship where you are criticised and judged? You are still young. Don’t act like any man is better than no man. It ended for good reason. Be kind to yourself. You deserve more.

It will hurt for a while op, but one day you will see that you did the right thing, and that he did you a favour.

He's ghosting you because he can. There is literally no reason for either of you to stay in touch with each other. You're not friends.

If he hasn't blocked you, then maybe you should delete his number and block him, so that you re not tempted to restart contact. It's not healthy.

He doesn't love or respect you, so respect yourself and have nothing further to do with him.

He's a narcissist. Be glad he's gone no contact. He is trying to get you to beg to get him back. Typical narcissistic behaviour. You're well out of it.

You wanted out, he left. Perhaps he’s found somebody else.

MN is taking sisterly support to quite ridiculous lengths in this thread!

At first I thought maybe he’s stringing you along and trying to make you desperate to get back with him but then your replies make it out that you were stringing him along.
He told you he didn’t want to settle down, you didn’t think you were his “one”. You broke up but think you made a mistake.
You didn’t make a mistake and he’s now telling you that.

This.
Plus how many times have you asked to sort things out and he hasn’t replied? He’s telling you it’s over. Go find yourself someone who shows you the love and respect you deserve

Men don't behave like this when they love you. They don't send mixed signals, they don't call you names or go out all night without saying where. They prioritise you and care about you and your feelings and they don't ghost you. So if you got back together is he suddenly going to love you and be a changed person? I don't think so. Let him go emotionally as well as physically, otherwise you're giving him the power to hurt you over and over again.

He sounds controlling and knows that ghosting you will make you want him back....and he can then carry on controlling you...been there..I'd move on.

You're not right for each other. It really hurts and will carry on being painful but you did the right thing breaking up and it would be better for you if you completely cut ties. You'll meet someone who likes you for you.

Indeed - bet this guy wants fresh custard and a tuna bake.

Please take a step back and look at how desperate you are being. It’s understandable to feel hurt but his actions are showing you that he is not interested. Why would you want to be with someone who isn’t that bothered about you? You are not his priority so let it go (even though it is painful) - that way you are taking back control and having respect for yourself. Even if he does reply to you in a few days and throws you a few more crumbs, you need to walk away. He is not committed and you are wasting your time and energy on this man.

Have you read the whole of her posts? She knows. She won't accept it.

He knows exactly what he wants. He's just messing with her head and heart for fun.

OP. I think you need to read the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. You need to understand other people’s boundaries and establish some of your own. You are portraying yourself as needy and clingy. You definitely need therapy to work on this. Don’t date until you work on yourself. You shouldn’t be so desperate for a romantic partner that you are willing to give up your dreams of marriage and family and are willing to be abused and belittled.

Sometimes people can remain friends with an ex. Sometimes they are an ex for a reason and you need to cut ties. It doesn’t sound like your ex is someone you should remain friends with. After reading comments that it has only been three days, he may not be ghosting you. He may just be busy. I still think trying to continue to talk with him is unhealthy as he is abusive.

Being friendly and chatting with a coworker can be great. If it starts to interfere with his relationship/time with his significant other, it is violating a boundary. If he ended the conversation, then that doesn’t seem to be ghosting you. That is him setting a boundary. Respect that and don’t be needy and clingy if you want to keep the friendship.

Call him and ask him. This not knowing is the worst then you can move on or get back together. But it sounds like he doesn’t know what he wants.