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Ex appears to have ghosted me, I'm devastated

413 replies

Canttakemuchmoreofthis1 · 04/07/2024 15:55

It was me who left. It was for various things, the first one being stalling on commitment.
The second was that he was quite critical of me, like I'd get a new haircut and he'd burst out laughing and say it looked like (insert X cartoon character)
Or he didn't like me using shop bought sauces so one time he deliberately hid the one I'd bought so I'd have to make a new one.
I felt like the cooking thing was a huge deal for him.
Our tenancy was ending soon and he seemed hesitant about us finding a new place to live.
Or on several occasions, he'd go out all night and not even tell me he'd gone out, I'd just come back to an empty flat.
He heavily berated me when he found out I had 1.5k of credit card debt, even though I was managing to pay it. He also told his parents something about my credit which I really didn't like.
I'm trying to justify why I left, but the main one was that I didn't feel I was his 'one" and that he was quite critical of me even though I did so much for him.
He really wanted me to be an avid reader. I do read, but I'm much more into non-fiction, I'm not massively into literature. I'm 'book-smart' I guess you could say, but I am just not someone who constantly reads novels sadly.

We stayed friends. We would still message all the time, he seemed upset at first but I wouldn't say he tried to win me back. I often felt I'd made a mistake, we had so many wonderful times together. We spent 5 hours together the other week.
I guess it was strange to still speak to your ex every day.. anyway, despite being the one to message me last, he's ghosted me. Just stopped reading and replying to my messages.
I am devastated.. I still regret the break up, we were together a long time. I'm 34 soon and I panicked.
But I didn't expect this. Everyone said I'd done the right thing leaving, but I still hoped we could work it out.

OP posts:
CountessWindyBottom · 06/07/2024 20:14

Canttakemuchmoreofthis1 · 06/07/2024 16:03

Since I wrote this he's got back in touch, just normal texting. Said he'd just been busy. Dunno what to think.

Will you please PLEASE just rip the plaster off? He’s clearly not at all interested and you are way overly invested in a possible reunion. His actions have shown you that he doesn’t want a future with you. He has told you this. You are anxious that you are 34 and want to fall in love and yet you’ve wasted eight months engaging with a person who has not only been cruel and nasty but who has explicitly rejected three separate attempts by you to reignite the relationship.

Block his number and move on, please!

BirthdayRainbow · 06/07/2024 18:47

He is not the only man in the world...

WhiteJasmin · 06/07/2024 18:46

Agree with @Lifechanging12

Unfollowing this thread because either this is a troll post or OP have no interest in taking in the overwhelming comments to move on. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

Lifechanging12 · 06/07/2024 17:39

Canttakemuchmoreofthis1 · 06/07/2024 16:03

Since I wrote this he's got back in touch, just normal texting. Said he'd just been busy. Dunno what to think.

You’ve had over 300 comments telling you that you’ve dodged a bullet and you still ignore everything everyone’s posted.

I really do believe this is a troll post, I can’t believe you are 34 years old and still acting like a love sick 16 year old obsessed with the 18 year old boy who was a massive jerk but you can’t get over him.

Seriously, you say you want marriage and kids. You’re apparently 34. Don’t waste another second.

Mummacake · 06/07/2024 17:28

OP, he's made it clear to you that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Honestly, you've dodged a bullet. Focus on you & your future without him in it.

AccidentalTourism · 06/07/2024 17:06

I'm sorry to say, he's telling you you're not the one. Repeatedly he's telling you.

The relationship has run its course. It's time to grieve and move on.

Scorchio84 · 06/07/2024 16:55

diddl · 06/07/2024 16:21

What is there to think?

He doesn't want to get back together!

Literally this, please don't get back into that cycle of doom

nutbrownhare15 · 06/07/2024 16:53

He's messing with you. It's time to block and move on.

NalafromtheLionKing · 06/07/2024 16:50

Being brutally honest, he’s just not that into you. You did the right thing dumping him and shouldn’t have tried to get back together. You should focus your energies on meeting someone new and better for you Flowers

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 06/07/2024 16:42

His last conversation with you was to say he can't commit and He gave you a list of the things he was unhappy with

And the killer comment...
"he wished there was a solution he could see before it was too late"

OP. He's asking YOU to solve his "problems" he wants YOU to fix things to make him happier in a relationship.

The most telling item on the list, apart from stupid things like, he doesn't like your cooking and your working hours was actually that he thought you were

you weren't organised or transparent enough about finances..
Which is odd as you were financially supporting him.
So he's putting the onus of finding a "solution" for you to be more transparent about your finances so you could continue to support him...and by the way being more "organised" in this context definitely means being more generous - to him.

He's realised that his cash flow has been affected and he's texted you asking for "a solution" to this "before its too late".

The Utter gall and cheek !

He treated you in a very critical and hurtful way and now he's suggesting he wants money. But that's OK because he's been upfront about the fact that he can't commit.

Seriously tell him to eff off.

Ghostgirl77 · 06/07/2024 16:41

Canttakemuchmoreofthis1 · 06/07/2024 16:03

Since I wrote this he's got back in touch, just normal texting. Said he'd just been busy. Dunno what to think.

He’s messing with you. Walk away.

Oldcroneandthreewitches · 06/07/2024 16:30

Canttakemuchmoreofthis1 · 06/07/2024 16:03

Since I wrote this he's got back in touch, just normal texting. Said he'd just been busy. Dunno what to think.

He was seeing someone else. Come on don’t fall for it

diddl · 06/07/2024 16:21

Canttakemuchmoreofthis1 · 06/07/2024 16:03

Since I wrote this he's got back in touch, just normal texting. Said he'd just been busy. Dunno what to think.

What is there to think?

He doesn't want to get back together!

Canttakemuchmoreofthis1 · 06/07/2024 16:03

Since I wrote this he's got back in touch, just normal texting. Said he'd just been busy. Dunno what to think.

OP posts:
CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 06/07/2024 15:28

Please, have some self respect and stop running after him. You're upset, I get that, it's hard, but if there is any chance he wants to get back together, your clingy behaviour will put an end to that.

It hurts, but try to move on, and leave any contact to him to initiate, and if that doesn't happen, then you know it's completely over.

AmIEnough · 06/07/2024 14:40

You’ve had a lucky escape! He sounds awful! You are clearly not the right person for him as he has too many things to criticise about you. I know it hurts right now but actually I think it’s better than the ones that you are not together and move on.

Cel119 · 06/07/2024 08:12

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Cel119 · 06/07/2024 07:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Staringatthewalljustmeagain · 06/07/2024 07:44

Then he was saying he had been unhappy as he didn't see me enough due to our working hours, then about the whole cooking thing and something about how I wasn't organised/transparent about finances. That hurts because I financially supported him.

And truly, it’s time to raise your bar 😬

Staringatthewalljustmeagain · 06/07/2024 07:37

Come on, OP. Pull yourself together. You dumped him because he was a bully with a nasty streak, and wouldn’t commit to you. Lucky. Who would want to be tied to someone like that? You’ll see it eventually. You’re just floundering because he’s taken the power away.

PinkStingray · 06/07/2024 06:32

He is just not that into you.
It hurts but you have to move on for your own sake.
While you keep obsessing about him and why he has ghosted you you keep your life on hold.
Shit happens, it how you deal with it that makes the difference.
You dodged a bullet he was not partner material.
Onwards and upwards

BennyBee · 05/07/2024 23:59

I am sorry you are going through this. I just went through something similar recently so I know how difficult it is to walk away from someone you love because you know that they don't love you in the same way. He can't give you what you need. You recognise that you are not the "one" for him but you do not want to accept it. You seem to be hoping that he will change your mind. I think he has realised that you are still hoping and despite telling you he is not interested, you keep hoping. I think he ghosted you in sympathy; he knows he can't give you what you need and wants to tear the band aid off for you. You need to take a deep breath, pull up your big girl britches and look ahead to a different future. It is only then that you will meet someone who DOES think you are the one. If you are not the one for him, he is not the one for you. Good luck.

Oldcroneandthreewitches · 05/07/2024 23:02

He has met some one so his attention has gone there instead

StripeyDeckchair · 05/07/2024 22:59

It's wierd that you were still seeing each other & messaging daily.
You've split up.
Block & move on

He doesn't like someone who is a long term partner; poor communication, thoughtless & self centred and belittling & undermining you.

Noseybookworm · 05/07/2024 22:53

Maybe he's met someone else. Maybe he's just decided to move on. It doesn't really matter why, what matters is what people do. You need to accept that it's over, block his number and move on with your life. It's okay to feel sad that it's over but don't get stuck in one place going over things in your head. Get out and about, see friends, go for walks/runs/gym/yoga/zumba - whatever makes you feel good 😊 try a new hobby, maybe an evening class? Keep busy and do things that make you feel good. It's your life to make the best of - take care of yourself 💐

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