Ex appears to have ghosted me, I'm devastated

I haven't read everyone's comments, o forgive me if I am repeating what someone else has said, but your approach to relationships is likely to put you in difficult or abusive relationships, whether back with this guy or with someone new.

Have a look at The Freedom Programme - freedomprogramme.co.uk as it might help you to raise your expectations of a healthy relationship moving forward.

He does sound awful. You left for a reason. The thing is, every moment you stay tied to him you are not moving on with your life.

You sound like a narcissist. My ex was like this. Anything I did or said that he took as the slightest criticism then he was the victim.
you ended the relationship because you weren’t happy and then are upset because he’s blocked you. What did you really expect? That he would come running back and change his ways? That’s not how real and genuine relationships work. They work because each partner has qualities the other loves, yes there might be little irks but not major ones like lack of commitment. Move on and find someone who fits with what you want from a partner. I think your ex has dodged a bullet tbh.

TBF, he sounds bloody awful; putting you down, criticising you, being shitty about the cooking and because you don't read the books HE would like you to read, not committing to you. I'd really call this a lucky escape. He would have dragged you down, and a few years on (had you stayed with him) you would have been miserable because he'd have found more "faults" and hadn't made a serious commitment to you. I'd take it as a good job that you did leave him.

OP, he's a class A manipulator. All the nasty things he said and did, but then obviously he was nice to you too. You wouldn't have loved him if he was nasty and mean all the time. It's how emotional abusers operate. They know if they're horrible all the time that you'll just leave. So he was nice to you just enough to keep you but getting his sport and enjoyment out of hurting you too.

It can be very difficult to leave a relationship like this because you desperately want more of the good times. You also want him to see how he's hurting you, acknowledge it and apologise. That will never happen with people like him. Not sincerely anyway. He might apologise like "I'm sorry if you were upset by what I said" (but not actually sorry for what I said).

You deserved better. You don't have to be in a relationship where you feel uneasy a lot of the time. Where you are unsure of where you stand and what your future might be. He was familiar. That's what you miss. You don't miss the feelings of anxiety, and being made to feel inferior or not good enough. You just miss the routine of what you had. That's not enough to make up for all the rest.

Take time to realise your worth. By the way I love, audio books, audio documentaries (I spend a lot of time in the car!). I have learned so much from listening to random books or documentaries that pop up on my lists. I'm highly intelligent, but I dint "read" a lot. There was too much about you that he wants to change. There is someone who will love all those thing about you that irritate him. But the longer you hang around trying to to make him love you the longer you are denying yourself a real, loving, mutual relationship. Let today be your first day where you decide you are worth more than he tells you.

Neither you nor him, I feel, will find commitment with another while you place so much importance on communicating with each other.
You should leave him if finding a life time partner and family is central to your long term plan. He won't commit.
No new partner will tolerate the hold you allow your ex to have.

Let him go. Think best for you both to just stop contacting eachother so you can both move on. You don't have to ghost him though. Just explain that you both need space.

To be honest he sounds vindictive enough that he just kept you on the hook to drop you and hurt you the way he perceived you hurt him when you left, but he sounds a proper weirdo block him and move on

He sounds like a narcissist who has you feeling exactly how he wants you to feel. Move on and take this as a got away lightly situation

1. your relationship was not healthy at all, and clearly you were unhappy.
2. Intellectually, you seem to know that his behaviour towards you was gross, and that you should be with someone who respects and adores you. Emotionally however, it seems like you berate yourself and think that the awful and immature way he treats you, may be warranted. If I were you, I would work on that, rather than trying to win him back.
3. the only correct thing he’s done is ‘ghost’ you. What he’s actually done is accepted that he is not your romantic partner anymore, and that you both talking for 5 hours and you buying him dinner, is blurry. He is moving on, and so should you.
4. you are panicking about being 34. Option 1: stay with a person who is terrible for your self esteem, does not love you for all your authentic self, and is probably controlling (eg expecting you to cook, via manipulation). You have children with him, then they see the toxic behaviour and become like him? You leave as a single mum. Option 2: you find a loving and mature man, who respects you as an equal and you are happy. I’d wait it out, hands down.

Exactly. You wanted to sort things out and get back together, and he didn't. If he doesn't want to be with you, he doesn't want to be with you, and you can't change that. But this is a lucky escape, really. If you HAD got back together, his lack of commitment to you would have driven you apart again ultimately. And you would have wasted even more time on him. Move on, for the good of your mental wellbeing. For what it's worth, he sounds like a dick anyway.

One of life’s skills is to learn how to move on when things end and to understand that you don’t need to be friends with Ex’s.

Imagine you were a mum and your daughter posted this. You would be horrified by his behaviour and rightly so.

You need to work on your self esteem and boundaries because holding a torch for a man like this is not healthy.

Sounds like he has moved on now anyway so taken the decision away from you. It’s for the best.

Fuck that.

Block him, he’s playing with you and the ghosting is part of the manipulation. He wants you to think you should try harder, should lower your expectations.

Get him in the bin and move on.

I am starting to believe this guy has had a lucky escape. At 34 you come across as extremely immature and love all the attention.

Omg op...
Stay strong and stay out.
I suspect you'll fold yourself back into this man's attentions, you are clearly still focused on it all working out if only... but future you is praying you don't because I'm however many years time you'll realise he was the problem not the solution and the 'if only's' require a personality transplant to fix.

You must realise the quality of your life can only ever be as good as the quality of your life partner... If you settle for this guy you are utterly closing the door on the possibility of ever enjoying peace of mind, contented confidence you are wanted for who you are, easy conversations over normal life matters like money or other domestic decisions... None of that can ever be yours of you keep hankering after this guy.

Something in you and something in the way he treats you is keeping you focused on the next hit of his positive attention... You need to recognise this is a false dream and follow through on the decision your gut made an that time ago and draw a line under this charade.

Please just ghost him. Although I can tell you’re not going to. I wish you’d waste no more time on a subpar man like that.

Come on OP, the ‘friendship’ just like the relationship wasn’t going anywhere. You told yourself all kinds of crap to keep hanging around someone who clearly didn’t want the same things as you.

He did you a favour, something you should have done for yourself, it would be a shame to waste this opportunity.

Agree too. Bit of a waste of time

You’re right and I don’t know why I even bothered commenting - sheer frustration and disbelief I think!

Of course she has. 99.9% of the posts telling her the reality but she’s not listening

Surely she can't give him another chance. I don't think he wants one.

He’s not interested in you and only gets into touch when there is nothing better on.

Please don’t say you’re going to give him another chance after this! I understand you probably want to talk to him to find out wtf he’s playing at but don’t let him draw you back in.

The ghosting is because he's with someone else now, almost certainly. Poor cow.

Just focus on how it's just one more example of what an arse he is. Seriously, he sounds awful. You'll do better.

He's been telling you who is for a long time, and now he's telling you again. Believe him.