Ex appears to have ghosted me, I'm devastated

My ex ghosted me and it still aches, although I'm with someone else. You can see things more objectively when you're not in the situation. Reading this, I think: he sounds cruel and controlling. You've dodged a bullet in the long-term. I feel sad for whomever be ends up with. But I know it doesn't feel like that now. I think it will though.

You left him. He made clear he doesn’t want to commit to you. You had a crush and then all was fine. Now you don’t have a crush and you’ve moved your focus back to him. Maybe when he met you he wanted to see if you could be friends. You showed him you haven’t moved on so he’s removed himself from the situation. Leave him be.

Have some dignity and move on.

Just because you ended it doesn't mean you don't get to grieve the relationship, the length, the good times, the hope for committment. Be kind to yourself.

Read your post, you weren't being treated right and you do deserve better, the more you heal the more you'll recover and see it.

One day at a time

Don't be surprised if he unghosts you and you have this yo-yo pattern. Try and not backslide if you can, he's shown you who he is.

You need to make a clean break, keeping in touch if you don’t need to just makes it take longer to accept the situation and move on - for both of you. I understand it’s easy to want to keep in touch, you’ve spoken to that person daily for a long time and it’s like losing your routine and security blanket. But things were not good OP, he was clearly showing you contempt. You will see things more objectively once you wean yourself away from the contact. Trust me x

Take it as a hint from the universe to have higher standards.

He didn't treat you well. You deserve better. A clean break is needed so you can move on. Maybe in the future you can be friends but just now it is holding you back. If a friend told you she was being spoken to like that, what would you advise her? He isn't going to change.

You're well rid. He sounds like a right twat

Oh god I just read her last message.
She’s mental.

she’s going to text him and beg him to come back. This is so stupid

He's just not that into you. You weren't a good fit, and that's fine.

Get your friends together, get your frock on, get out there.

Get on with your life.

But you are 34. Off you go and grieve but stop obsessing over why he ghosted you. Why shouldn’t he? He wasn’t present in the relationship either. Like what’s the point of this? It does not matter. It does not matter at all why he did it and the only thing that matters is getting yourself to a situation where you don’t accept any of that bollocks from anyone anymore. And who cares if his parents think he was mean? You don’t get points for people being on your side. You get points for taking the time to sort your feelings out and sit with your sadness while NOT doing anything stupid like ever messaging him again.
And working out why you put up with that

You left because he is a ARSE. Well done.

We know just from your first post that you're worth more than that.

Trouble is, you don't.

Him moving on was the best thing that could have happened to you.

Let it go.

He is playing with you like a cat plays with a mouse before they kill it.
Or the way whales play ball with a seal before they eat it

I doubt the OP will be back because she doesn’t want to hear the truth.

She’d probably replying to his breadcrumbs as we speak and desperately hoping for him to suddenly change his mind - just wasting her life but it’s her call

What are the qualities he had OP, that have you in their grip so strongly? It might help you move on to thoroughly work through that. Were the pros in him really as good as you remember? Are you sure they cannot be found elsewhere?

I’m sorry but everything I’m reading op suggests you left him hoping he’d realise what he’s lost and come running back saying I can’t live without you, yes you’re the one

hes not going to do that. He’s totally in control and you will not get what you want which is commitment from him

This is understandable OP but hope you can move on from it soon. It sounds as though you made the right decision about the relationship.
I had a similar(ish) situation with an ex - I ended it, we stayed friends for a while (had better times than previously, in some ways) then he let the contact drop, basically after he met someone else. It can feel difficult when things move on, but stay strong.

Op he sounds truly awful . He treated you really badly. You know it wasn’t working and rightly ended things
Then when you decided that you wanted him back , he didn’t want you . Now back in touch but no apology . He hasn’t changed & things will just resume to the toxic relationship that it was
Im not sure what you’re asking . It’s over, let him go . Just be grateful that you had the strength to end things first time & don’t weaken and let him back in .

Nothing in your original post sounds lovely. He sounds derogatory, mean and emotionally abusive.

You are well rid of this person.

So he has the last word so to speak. It’s a power game. He had you dangling on a string then you said enough of this and left so now, after this time he has had you apologising and asking to come back he gets to cut it and be the one who ends it.

I know you’ve outlined reasons you left and stated he was lovely otherwise however he was trying to control you though his meanness

I refuse to believe this thread it real.

If it is, OP, please, get some counselling, work on your self-esteem. This man is not anyone you should feel a stab of regret about whatsoever. You should be thankful he is finally out of your life. Don't look back.

This.

There is a lot of cognitive dissonance in your posts.

I mean this in a nice way but please get a grip of yourself. You clearly left for a reason and now you are hanging around like a lost puppy waiting on him even though it is quite clear he isn't interested in you in a sincere way. You are 34 not 14, walk away before you embarrass yourself more.

I'm trying to justify why I left

"Or he didn't like me using shop bought sauces so one time he deliberately hid the one I'd bought so I'd have to make a new one"

Here is your answer.

I bought dinner!! The pain will fade in time . Take care and love yourself, mind, body and soul. You will come to realise what a git you were with.x