Ex appears to have ghosted me, I'm devastated

i reckon you have dodged a double bullet...once for leaving him and the second because he has cut contact and stopped you doing anything daft. I'd block him....its not unknown for ghosting to be a part of abuse....he ghosts then contacts you again.

@Canttakemuchmoreofthis1 I really mean this in the kindest way but you have to let him go. You were absolutely right to dump him when he wouldn't commit. I really understand how at 34 you are panicked that you won't meet anyone else and your biological clock is ticking. In reality, you do have time and you can and will meet someone who isn't hesitant about you. I met my long-term partner in my late 30s and had a baby at 38. There are lots of us out there with a similar story. You won't get what you want from your ex so you really have to move on. I do wish you the best.

You left him. By your own admission he's not trying to win you back. You can't decide whether you want him back or not, so you keep hanging around. He's decided he wants to move on.

Surely a typo - did you mean to say 'I am delighted!'
If not, you should be.

You couldn't sort it out as you're not his one. He didn't want to. He barely liked you. People who love someone don't take the piss out of them or hide food so they have to make it from scratch.

Why would you want to sort things out with such a horrible man?

It really wouldn't matter if you had left him for no reason.

No. No faux self flagellation. No one is going to say you're a bitch or you deserved it but no one likes a person who tries to put themselves down so others can build them up. You know you've done the right thing. You know you're not a bitch. Don't go there.

Do some casual online dating. It should help take your mind off it. You definitely did the right thing splitting, he sounds abusive. Abusive partners aren't like that all the time, that's how they get people to stay with them. But no doubt he would isolate you and work on continuing to reduce your self esteem so that he could get away with ramping up the abuse over time. It's hard when you split up with a long term partner, natural to miss them and want to have contact with them. But it's actually easier in the long run if you don't have contact as you can start to grieve the relationship and start the process of moving on with your life. That won't happen if you are still catching up with cosy chats. You don't need to understand why he did it, it's over between you and it needed to be over for your long term welfare. So I agree you should block and start the process of moving towards your better brighter future without him.in it.

He was trying to mould you into someone he wanted... which wasn't you. You ended it for a reason. You can't make it work with someone who is trying to change every aspect of you. It wouldn't be congruent in any form.

You've just ripped off the plaster and are feeling vulnerable because he is all you've known for a while. Just let him go.

Why are you ignoring all of the good advice?

If a man is lovely most of the time - listens, cooks dinner, helps, supports and comforts you, is interested in your life, wants to know your hopes and dreams for the future, wants the same out of life for example marriage and kids

but hits you, abuses you, financially controls you, is unkind or spiteful to you does the first list make up for the second?

He has gone and you have to move on. I know it's shit. I asked for space, my h decided we were done and didn't fight for me. I know I'm better without him and it is 100% the right thing for me it still hurts all he's done that necessitated the divorce and that he walked away in less than an hour and has treated the dc and I awfully since.

Fill the void with something op.

This is one of those times where it hurts like hell but you have to trust that your own desires aren't calibrated to the truth right now and are in fact self sabotaging... For now, place your trust in time and space from him and properly hear that this is not the disaster it feels like, there is life and sunshine on the other side.

He wasn't lovely. Expect better for yourself. Be glad he has gone and given you the chance to have a better life.

He’s probably met someone else and is moving on. You’ve listed all the reasons you’ve broken up and they sound plenty. You’re grieving it’s natural but you can do much better than this

You keep saying you tried to or wanted to sort it out, what does that mean? That you tried to make up and get back together?

U 2 were not suitable for each other !
I think u be happier with someone else tbh !

He probably hasn't. He's just realised that she's never going to do one thing or the other, just hang around like an emotional leech.

Him not hook...

Come on OP he's spelt it out to you.

He doesn't want to spend his life with you maybe marry etc.

You can't fix this and should except he doesn't really love you.

As for his behaviour towards you...belittling you, that's not how a good relationship should be.

Do some work on yourself and improve your self worth.

You really need to take a break from dating anyone and work on your self-esteem. He treated you horribly. Just because sometimes things were "good", his abuse of you was wrong in every single way.

You seem to act like you don't deserve better treatment or are so desperate for a relationship that you'll settle for an abusive one.

You deserve MUCH better than what he was giving you. Please seek some counselling so you can learn to value yourself. Until you value yourself enough and understand how you deserve to be treated kindly, with love and respect, you will not find the relationship and love you deserve.

I am sure you are hurt now but don't settle for someone who acts so ugly and disrespectful. Block him so he can never darken your heart again.

This! But the word you used @Canttakemuchmoreofthis1 was “rejected”. He’s been a dick to you because 1) it’s his nature, and 2) you aren’t the person for him.
You seem to be reading that as if it means you aren’t enough when really it’s just that you aren’t right for each other.
It is almost like his ghosting (“rejecting…”) you has made you more desperate for his love and proven to you that you somehow aren’t enough. But you ARE enough, so where does this thought pattern come from? I think counseling will help you understand where this fear of rejection is coming from. Your self-worth should not be so tied to whether or not one single person in a world of billions wants to be in a relationship with you. I think in time you will also see that THIS particular person was really not worth hitching your emotional wagon to….

Completely agree.
I think your internal dialogue has constructed a strong dialogue of star crossed lovers who came so close but things didn't align and you blew it and are at fault... Or something along those lines.

Your perceptions on what that relationship could have been / what you have lost and what you're hearing from some really balanced replies... It's like a fairground hall of mirrors in there.

It takes time to unravel things, gaps have to be filled with more wholesome life and self affirming things... Meanwhile if you are able to find and access support to explore why your thinking is so skewed on this, I think would be time well spent.

It would be nice to be free from this ache and self recrimination wouldn't it.