I have a best friend of almost 30 years. Been through thick and thin together. About 15 years ago another person from our friendship group (let’s call her N) decided she didn’t like me and that I was manipulative. This coincided with my dating a guy from the friendship group that she was close to but not romantically involved with. (This guy and I have now been married for 10 years). N initially tried to break us up but when she failed, she went on a smear campaign against me and then became extremely friendly with my best friend.
My best friend and I remained friends but it hasn’t been the same since. Her and N have been holidaying etc together while I’ve been home raising DC. Recently, after being home for a decade with the kids, my husband and I got back in touch with the friendship group. We felt like “going out” again. They were all happy about it except N who made a huge deal of it and has flounced off the group WhatsApp and generally been complaining to the others - which is embarrassing for myself and my husband and probably everyone else. I literally haven’t spoken to N in over a decade. The problem is she has ramped up the propaganda to my best friend who is now eying me with suspicion - even though I’ve done absolutely nothing to warrant any of it. I feel like cutting off my friend because of this but I really don’t want to because I value her a lot. I don’t want N anywhere near me however and she is sort of getting access to me through my friend. Also I don’t know how viable it is to have a friend who spends a lot of time with somebody who irrationally hates me. I’ve tried saying this to my friend but she clams up whenever I broach the subject. So, AIBU to distance myself from said friend as there seems to be no resolution to the drama from N? Or should I just say nothing and carry on? Talking about it isn’t an option apparently.