Am I being too precious about son with disabilities?

Senco here. Two things stand out - why has Nursery got him on a ‘behavioural report’? What support have they put in place for him? What adjustments have they made? Why did they not apply for a needs assessment themselves?
The second thing I’d say is, if you came to see me at my mainstream school I would very much guide you towards special school. We would likely be able to support your DS well in Reception, possibly in Y1, but as he moves through school it would be trickier for him to receive the education that he needs. What many parents don’t realise is that it is far far easier for a child with such additional needs to get a place in a specialist provision for Reception, then again for Year 7. We currently have 4 children who sound very similar to your DC. All are INAs and started during Reception year or Y1. No previous schooling. The LA knows all really need specialist provision but as an in year transfer they don’t stand a cat in hell’s chance. We’ve had them for 3 years now. We cope, they cope but if I’m honest they deserve so much more.
The time to fight for the right school for your boy is now.

It’s not ‘precious’ to want your DS to get the support which it’s quite reasonable to predict he’ll need. I don’t think it 100% requires ruling out mainstream school in the future if he shows he’s capable but as things are you need to protect him, which you are. Keep going and well done :)

It's so sad to say, but in my area atleast, due to the limited spaces of specialist settings, children who obviously should be in one are having to go to mainstream as there's no other option. You are not being precious at all, I'm sorry you've even been made to question if you are.

I would be discounting mainstream at this stage if I were you, the right school for your boy will help him SO much and while development can happen very quickly, I don’t believe with the best will in the world, that a non walking/talking/toileting 3 year old with the development of a 15m old could catch up to that of his peers within the next year.

All young children have SO much potential, and the right environment will really nurture and bring that out of your boy. If a switch to mainstream is the right move later on then that’s great too! But the right school at the right time is the main thing.

No you know your child best. In your shoes SEN school sounds a better fit but don't discount state schools as SEN places are very hard to come by. Good to hear you've been proactive re EHCP.

Think about what he will get out of it. If he has such a low development age, will he really get the type of education that he needs in a mainstream? You are ahead of the game in sorting out an ehcp now, so it is in place for starting school. Just remember that the local authority is on the side of saving money, not what is best for your son.

EPs aren’t allowed / supposed to recommend a specific setting. They should clearly identify the full extent of need and outline the specific provision required to meet that need.

If you would prefer him to go to special school then the EP should report that in their assessment.

My best advice is to visit the schools in your area and see where you think he would be a better fit.

If he very much wants his own space he will struggle at mainstream

I don't see how they could accommodate that or integrate him gradually

I haven't been in your shoes but I've worked in schools and they'd try their best but the funding won't be there either

Go and research special schools in your area.

I am just guessing, but would it be easier to move a child from a specialist school to a mainstream one, than vice versa? Purely because there are so few specialist places, so they are like gold dust, and if a parent wanted to free up a place by moving their child to mainstream, this would be useful for the LA?

If that is the case, and I had a child who I felt might benefit more from specialist school, I would fight to get them the specialist place, knowing that, if it proved beneficial for my child, I could move them to mainstream when/if they were ready.

I have two boys diagnosed with ASD and adhd. Younger one also is globally delayed and is around 2 years old (give or take a couple of months) in social and communication areas. Both attend different mainstreams. I won’t lie, I cried a lot when it came to putting the younger one in mainstream for many reasons. My eldest has had a shit time having his ASD recognised because he’s academically capable, the school continues to be surprised when he has ‘bad days’ (sensory overload or huge anxiety meaning he can’t take part in some lessons). My younger one also didn’t get his EHCP in place until reception. However, he goes to amazing school, and with great support is doing fantastic. Yes he’s still notably delayed compared to his peers, but he’s also part of the class not sidelined or ‘othered’.

Due to a huge lack of SEN school places, he still doesn’t quite reach the level of qualifying for a place (shocking considering his high needs) but it will be necessary as the gap between him and his peers grow. But not all mainstreams are awful for ASD children. I’ve been on both sides and honestly a good mainstream in the early years is a possibility.

Also, please accept my apologies for all my typos!!! I really need to go and get new glasses!!!! 😂

everyone I know is getting rejected so work on that theory and just keep going - nice surprised if accepted.

So first of all they have to agree to have a Needs Assessment so all the professionals (Ed Psych, Speech and language, OT etc) all write reports. The council then decide whether they agree to have a EHCP then they have to agree to a placement.

It’s really good that you’re already starting this process.

My youngest was given his first EHCP at nursery but that was ten years ago and I fought for a place at specialist primary. He’s now thriving at secondary in a specialist unit in a mainstream where they stay in their own small classes with TA support and only have PE with mainstream.

It took me 15 months to get an EHCP for my eldest (legal timeframe is 20 weeks) because I kept having to go for mediation. I self referred for this too. Do not believe people if they say you won’t get an EHCP (wish I hadn’t for my eldest).

Please feel free to contact me by DM if you’d like to.

He's only 3 and they can develop fast at this age, my dd went from non verbal to able to converse in complex sentences on an adult level in just months, she's autistic and just couldn't be pigeonholed it seems. She was mainstream educated as we fought for that having been concerned that her academic ability wouldn't be stretched in special education, the providers we were offered didn't have a good track record of GCSEs and a levels

You should push for what yoy fee suits your child's needs best
Honestly my son is 14 now and has been in a special school since reception his needs could never have been met in a mainstream school
He's very much included in his school
I was reluctant at first but in hindsight a special school has been the making of him.

I'd say it's easier to start in a special school then move to mainstream if possible rather than start in mainstream and then try to find a place in a special school

You are quite right considering a special school. Good for you for admitting he most probably needs one rather than put him through misery and inflict his needs on a struggling system who simply won't be ablate meet them. You sound like you want the best for your lad, and that is commendable.

Do you have any support from an occupational therapist? I too was thinking of a leg splint, but it would only be recommended if suitable and beneficial to get him up and walking.

You aren't being precious at all! Are they suggesting a full mainstream school, or a special needs class that happens to be within a mainstream school? I too would be pushing for a specialist school. He could always move to mainstream down the line if appropriate, but more difficult to move the other way.

My cousins son was very similar. Non-verbal, not walking, isolated etc. He also couldn't swallow properly, so was peg fed. He went to a specialist school and has really thrived. He is now 13. He can walk independently, the peg was removed a few years ago and he can verbilise better. When younger, he was taught makaton, which is a simplified form of sign language. They live abroad, so I don't know if its used in the UK, but worth asking about. Does he have SALT?
Makaton - Wikipedia
You are just trying to do the best for your son. My cousin has had to fight for everything unfortunately too.

I work in Early Years in a school that has a higher than average number of children with additional needs. There are a few who I honestly feel are not in the correct setting and are more being 'contained' than having their needs met. Go and look around the SN school and see what you think. Many mainstream schools have children spending a lot of the day in one small room as they have neither the staff nor resources to work with higher needs children.

Absolutely not being precious, you know your child best. Definitely visit both special and mainstream schools to see what provision they offer, but to me (as a paediatric physio with20 years working in SEN schools) I think a specialist provision would be better. If he makes fantastic progress with intensive early support you could look at transition to mainstream later if appropriate

it very much depends on MS, some are just not suitable /inclusive at all. I guess it’s not all primary school of the area you are looking at. It’s realistically: the local catchment primary, mainstream primaries with special units for his needs and specialist primaries so maybe 3-4 schools. I would go and have a look at all of them with open mind but from your description specialist school certainly sounds better.

Not everyone gets a refusal to issue, but yes, some do. If that happens, you should appeal.

LAs and professionals involved with the LA will often try to steer parents to mainstream. It doesn’t mean that is actually what is suitable. If the LA issue an EHCP without naming your preferred specialist school, you can appeal.

I wouldn’t advocate for a mainstream school for a child that has a possibility of not walking when they start.

Not precious at all and my advice would be to fight tooth and nail for the specialist place. You know your child best.

I have two ASD boys, Both are affected very differently. One goes to mainstream with extra TA support to help him concentrate etc the other has always been to Specialist.

It’s really hard to get a specialist place but (without sounding rude) it sounds like your son’s needs are high. It would absolutely push for a specialist place, particularly with GDD. My son has come on leaps and bounds. If you think that he would be able to cope in mainstream when he’s older it’s much easier to get a mainstream place at that point rather than swap from mainstream to specialist.

Mainstream always say that they’re inclusive etc but it’s always about which environment your child would thrive in. Good luck.

Oh and it’s likely that you will get refused for an ECHP as everyone does these days but always push for mediation/appeal.

Good luck.