Am I being too precious about son with disabilities?

My advice would be special school. From my experience ( I have taught in both types of school) in mainstream he would be an afterthought in planning every day to the teacher, and would be cared for by unqualified staff largely. "babysitting"

In a special school he would have a teacher planning every day with a small number of children with disabilities at the forefront of their mind, and the resources, and input he needs, as well as being on a par with his classmates

You're not being precious and your position I would think seriously about a special school.

I worked in a school and had a lot to do with DC with EHCPs. IME, the more complex the diagnosis, the more likely the child was to move to a special school, but it could be hard to find a place.

You are not being precious at all. Follow your instinct. You want the best and safest environment for your son.

Sorry it a bit random...but I also have hypermobility ehlers danlos and had something called occult tethered cord. They don't recognise this in adults in UK so I had to get diagnosis and surgery abroad. It can affect walking..causes delayed development...I wonder if your son could have it. Could you ask for a referral to great ormond Street and get an mri on his spine

He needs to be in a specialist school so he can get proper support. Ive taught kids who should really have been in special but parents insisted on mainstream, we don't have the knowledge, skills or time to support properly. I know teachers in special schools they are amazing and the ratios are so much better. Kids can really achieve and feel good about themselves

The Op,s child has been assessed aa being 15 months developmentally though which suggest, s there is,some global development delay, now I know some kids can and do catch up or make big strides in their development ,but some don't
In my LEA the child would be assessed by a panel to see if they are eligible for one of the special schools, if they are ,they would be placed in the one that best suits their needs ,although there can be quite a variation in the needs of the children that get a place but they all have significant learning disabilities.

I am a teacher in a mainstream school and have taught several children with similar diagnoses and behaviours as your son.

In every case, parents regretted not seeking earlier specialist provision and were desperately trying to find a place by Year 3 or Year 4. In our area, places are very limited so they weren't prioritised for transfer until the end of Year 6. Every parent has since told me that their child is thriving at their new school.

You will be encouraged to consider mainstream because it is cheaper and they don't have enough special school places.

Limited understanding in a social sense/developmental delays doesn’t mean that there’s a learning disability. My younger son needs one to one to guide him through the day, to keep a firm routine of when they’re sitting/eating/going to play. But his academic understanding is well beyond his peers and always has been. In fact, the further children like mine progress through school, the easier it becomes due to the ridged routine. ‘High academic focus’ really isn’t applicable to early years regardless, if a high needs child does need a placement there until an appropriate sen school is found it’s doesn’t mean that they’d be considerably behind their peers academically.

I absolutely agree with this.

How is he cognitively? You mention limited understanding and for me this would be the biggest red flag that he is unlikely to thrive in mainstream. Mobility doesn't have to be an issue, schools are very geared up to handle physical disability now, but if he is developmentally delayed he may not handle the high academic focus. Even in reception while its play based there's a lot of academic learning - maths concepts, reading and writing.

Because there are so few special school places they may try to get you to agree to non special school, but how would it benefit your son to be in classes with children who are years older in developmental terms? I would push for a special school place from the start

My preference would be mainstream but I’d suggest posting on the SN boards rather than AIBU

My friend who managed to get her severely autistic boy into special school in I think Y3 or 4 said that the difference was he was just being managed in mainstream. He was being baby sat but learning nothing. He was not integrated in any real sense he was just in the same place. He was safe with his 1:1 and not unhappy but she wanted better for him than that. The primary school were trying their best but with the best will in the world they were largely focused on the NT kids.

Once he went to the special school he made loads of progress because everything was focused towards the ways that he could learn.

Special School. My daughter started (part days) at two and a half before going full time. She has very severe cognitive and physical disabilities.

In the early years, there were quite a lot of children with milder impairments and they got the benefit of on site physio, SLT and OT therapies alongside teaching in small class sizes from teachers experienced and trained in the king of differentiation and adaptation such diverse needs require. As DD progressed through the school these children gradually moved to mainstream school, presumably having made the progress that would enable them to cope. By 16 the children in DD’s class were all students with very profound needs.

The point being that Special School isn’t necessarily a one way journey, for many children it can be a very helpful stepping stone into mainstream education. For those that will never make that leap it is the best choice anyway. We were very lucky to have an excellent Special School in our postcode.

I have a friend who REALLY regrets not doing a specialist school from the start. She is now trying to transfer from mainstream because they just aren't equipped to help him... but because he has been there for 4 years of schooling no one is taking her seriously (school are trying to push her out but deny this).

Everything I have observed gives me the opinion that it's better to start out specialist and move to mainstream if you decide later on, than the other way around.

One thing I learnt early on was you make the best decision you can at the time with the info you have at the time and you always trust your own feelings. It’s a constant battle, you most certainly aren’t being precious. You are fighting for your child. The fighting doesn’t stop so look after yourself so you can keep fighting for your boy.

Insist on special. They are bursting at the seams and it is much easier to get in at the beginning. Also if he is already having behavioural issues these are likely to get worse in mainstream as they just do not have the skills or environment to manage this appropriately.

I knew at age 3 my daughter needed a special school placement. The educational psychologist told me that my only option was to ‘let mainstream education fail first’ and only then will a specialist school be considered.

She’s now 6. The last three years have been the mainstream school requesting the local authority move her as the school is unsuitable to her needs. No shit! She’s still in nappies, non verbal and has no understanding of danger/cause and effect! They’ve had to install locks on her classroom doors to keep her from roaming the school!

Anyway, I got a call yesterday to say that she’s finally been given a place at a STF unit and I’m so happy! If I could go back in time to that first meeting three years ago I would have pushed, appealed and fought for her to be in a unit from the start. It haunts me knowing the progress that likely has been lost due to her spending the last three years in an environment completely unsuitable to her.

That's not necessarily true and very much area dependent, in my LEA we have two special needs primary schools, one for children with moderate to severe learning disabilities and autism, and the other for children with severe to profound learning disabilities and autism
We also have two special needs high schools,
Again one for children with moderate to severe learning disabilities and autism
And the second for children with severe to profound learning disabilities and autism

We also have two autism hubs ( primary )
And two Autism hubs ( secondary)
All four special schools have doubled in capacity in recent years.

Both conditions are also on a huge spectrum and vary massively in how they impact a person.

Also just to say - people think ‘special schools’ means low attainment.

but it doesn’t - both mine left with GCSE’s and vocationall qualifications - never in a million years did I think that gcse was a possibility when they were failing and learning nothing in Mainstream - as totally unsuitable environment .

But once mine were getting the specialist provision and teaching so they could learn - they did learn and did great !

so never let people convince you that special school is 2nd best or = low achievement / attainment and taking away chances in life.

the right specialist school opens up their chances and they are far more likely to succeed in a school that understands their learning needs / sensory issues etc.

some in my eldest child’s specialist school even did A levels - one lad (with ASD) went on to uni - because they were being taught in a way that suited them.

The LA pushes everyone towards mainstream as it’s ‘inclusive’ -

bollocks is it inclusive - they do it as it is CHEAP

your child has high needs - get them in a specialist school and get those needs supported.

should they make amazing progress and suddenly mainstream be an option - it will be easy enough to transfer back into a mainstream school.

but once they are in mainstream - they will mess about - make a lot of promises - babysit rather than teach him and he won’t be being ‘included’ he will be there but not getting the education he needs.

mine both limped through mainstream for infants, - one went to specialist for juniors to end of school - the other renss as Uber in mainstream until seniors then went to specialist school.

bith we’re failed by mainstream as the system is not set up to cope with high level needs children. One of mine was 1:1 all day including breaks etc and still was not enough to TEACH them in mainstream school. It contained them and kept them snd everyone around them safe - but it wasn’t the precision teaching they needed for their level if need.

you are not being precious - you are being realistic. if I could do my time again I would have got mine into specialist schools from day 1 .

please don’t be swayed by the LA - I am an old hand at this now and can see their major interest is always budget driven - that isn’t your concern… your concern is getting the right education for your son.

our school places cost the la a fortune - could have sent 6 kids to Eton for what it cost to educate my 2 in specialist schools per year. (1 residential, 1 day) Not exaggerating - that is the truth. but they were the right places that actually met my child’s needs. Don’t settle for 2nd best and don’t fall for ‘let’s try them in mainstream’ .

not bring harsh but I say this as a mum of 2 disabled kids. Our kids are different . They are not going to ‘fit in’ in mainstream. No matter how kind, how PC, how disability aware, asd friendly a mainstream school claim to be - they don’t have the money, resources, staffing nor specialism to deal with complex needs children.

get them into specialist school and watch them thrive.

With the exception of the behavioural plan, you could be describing my son. His EHCP was turned down because they blanket rule (which they shouldn't have) was at least two years behind and failing in an academic setting. Everybody had written in their reports "requires EHCP" but were ignored. Our solution was to delay his start to school (he's summer born) so he started a year later. Best. Ever. Choice. Then we applied for an EHCP again and it was successful.

DS is now a sport mad (although not competent remotely, bless him) nearly 11 year old who has had so many interventions and specialsts involved - paeds in his life since 9 months old, and basically on their books ever since. Still waiting for ASD assessment as they kept sending to various other people eg Speech and Language in case that would help, which took him off the waiting list each time.

By the time he started mainstream school a year later than usual, he could just about walk (lots of tumbles though), speak very short phrases and was just about out of nappies (lots of spare clothes necessary though.) He is now about to go in Y6 and is holding his own - quirky, hyper-focused on special interests and goes on and on about those (I could now list every Archbishop of Canterbury, and know that we must turn football games on early in order to find out the refs and officials, else we have a very upset boy.) He doesn't really have friends but is accepted by his peers and seems happy.

We were warned at around your child's age that there was no way of knowing how ds would progress- could have remained non-mobile, non-verbal and in nappies. Or turn out as he did.

So fight for your son but don't necessarily dismiss mainstream.

Special school places are rare than hens' teeth. If you can get one, grab with both hands and don't let go until you see if he no longer needs it. The LA will definitely try to get you to go mainstream, but it might not be completely unsuitable by the time he gets to it.

As an adult with EDS I say this as a blanket statement that I think the whole world has gone a bit mad about hypermobility.

OP you understandably want the best for your DC but very gently EDS and ASD are both conditions you can have and live a totally normal, productive, successful life with. But absolutely if your child will thrive in a specialist setting seek that for them.

From your description of your son, I would not even consider mainstream. I have been in education (Early Years) for 22+ years.

The combination of his physical, sensory and social communication issues would mean that mainstream education would likely cause him great distress. I can't see how his needs could be met in a way which would not isolate him from his peers and/or overwhelm him.

Push for specialist provision from the outset. You can review this in a few years. However, it's so much harder to start in mainstream and then get a place in specialist provision later.

I am a teacher in a mainstream school and we honestly could not meet your child’s needs. Specialist schools are wonderful places and he will have tailored support specific to his needs. Trust your gut. I think they always advise to consider mainstream but in your son’s case I don’t think this would be a suitable option for him. I believe mainstream may have a detrimental impact on his development (the sensory noise, children without special awareness, the lack of specific resources and building awareness e.gz lighting).
I would also echo poster above who questions the behaviour report vs nursery meeting his needs.