Are not all children able to cope with nursery?

When was he last seen by a Health Visitor? Might be worth a chat and tell them everything you have said here.

You did the right thing. The nursery didn't sound right, not for him anyway.

Find another nursery.
When a child wouldn’t settle with us our advice was actually to increase days. It always worked. Children got used to us quicker and then sometimes parents dropped back down. The only time we would ever ask a parent to pick up early/drop off later or reduce hours was if there were some additional needs that meant we needed to put things in place to keep the child and or other children safe. If this were the case they should have spoken to you about this.

One of mine never settled and my mum moved in and quit her job. He was so much happier. I appreciate that might not be an option so a childminder in your home so minimal changes perhaps. Children are all just so different and it was so hard, especially as all of my friends children settled into nursery with no issues whatsoever.

DC is 10 now and not impacted in any way. I would add however that he had 121 sessions with a clinical psychologist aged around 5 and she said he was still angry at being put in nursery. Like a regression therapy. So you're doing the right thing to explore other options. Don't ignore your gut feeling.

Aug/Sept can be a good time to start with a new setting, when all the older ones have just left for school and it's a bit quieter. I hope you find some childcare that suits him more. I wouldn't necessarily rule out another nursery if having a group setting is important to you, but I can see that a nanny or CM might be a better bet if you are happy either way.

I took my eldest out of nursery after a few weeks at age 2.5 as he didn't settle, he still remembers how much he hated it and he's 25 this year !

Children settle at different periods of time. Can be days or months. Perseverance is needed and regular attendance. I only ever seen 1 child who didn't ever settle despite us trying for months. You will get there. Good luck

How old is he and why did you move him to nursery full days?
What do you do the other days if you work full time?

It doesn’t sound like a very nurturing nursery.

A childminder might work well but just a word of caution that sometimes needy children (sorry for phrasing it like that but you know what I mean) can actually be better in a nursery setting where there are more staff. Childminders might have fewer children overall but also less ability to devote time to just one as there will be other children there who need to be tended to.

Ducking hell, they sound awful, I would move him if you can OP, poor little thing 😔 I get it might be logistically a bit difficult for him but surely if he is young, the ratio should be 1:3 so surely he should be able to be close to his key worker whilst she does things with other DC?

I just feel so sad for your DC, it sounds like they really lack empathy and I would not be happy. To be fair, I don't have much experience of this as my older 2 DC only went to pre school part time from age 3.5, and my youngest who is about to start school hasn't gone at all as they had no places.

Ducking hell, they sound awful, I would move him if you can OP, poor little thing 😔 I get it might be logistically a bit difficult for him but surely if he is young, the ratio should be 1:3 so surely he should be able to be close to his key worker whilst she does things with other DC?

I just feel so sad for your DC, it sounds like they really lack empathy and I would not be happy. To be fair, I don't have much experience of this as my older 2 DC only went to pre school part time from age 3.5, and my youngest who is about to start school hasn't gone at all as they had no places.

My son never really coped with nursery. My daughter had been full-time from tiny and was fine. My son had a combination of nanny and nursery with a maximum of 3 days p/w at nursery. At best, he was sad going in. At worst he was sobbing. We didn’t know whether it was him or the nursery or both. Because he was a summer birthday, and so would be leaving before he turned 4, we just kind of pushed through, but it was pretty heartbreaking some days.

If it’s any comfort, we dreaded him starting school, given how bad nursery had been for him, but he practically flew through the door on the first morning and has never struggled since (he’s now nearly 10).

Change the nursery, 100%. The setting isn’t right for him and they don’t sound that sympathetic to either of you. I have loads of friends whose kids settled perfectly at a different place, not always a childminder, sometimes a smaller less hectic nursery was much better too.

As PPs have said, I think it depends on age. If still a baby I would try another setting. If they are a preschool, it may be the adjustment of they have been with family before.

My youngest took a looooong time to settle. Instead of sending him in 3 days as scheduled we ended up splitting his hours over five days instead, which was far from ideal as it then became 3 hours a day which was quite annoying. He did eventually settle though! Took maybe 5 months before he stopped crying at every drop off 🙈 He's been there almost 3 years now and is starting school in September - he's a completely different child from when he started. He's so confident and absolutely loves nursery.

I think you might need a different nursery though... they don't sound very nice or accommodating. Our nursery actively worked with us to help our son whereas yours doesn't seem to be doing that.

Good luck, I hope you figure something out :)

I still remember poor Liam from DD's nursery 10 years ago. Wailing crying, bless him. He did eventually settle and did brilliantly. But it was a struggle.

How old is you child? If under 3 a new provider might help. If 3-4 you may need to push for more days or go for a specialist pre-school that starts with 3 year olds.

How old is your child (sorry if I've missed it).

It sounds like this setting is not ready for for your child.

I would look around at other settings, including childminders.

How old?@Mintchocco

My nursery was frankly not great with under 3yo kids.

How is he with strangers or family etc?
How is his speech?

However my dc does turn out to be asd. She never settled after several sessions.
I ended up not going bacl to work. But she was also not sleeping well and ill all the time too.

That isn't going to work long term for your child, nursery or you. Nor will it help settle them as they're spending more time away from the setting.

I'd be looking elsewhere or perhaps a childminders. Depending on their age could a preschool be an option?

Apart from being distressed, have the explained any other behaviours that are concerning?

I think a childminder might suit your child better with fewer children and more attention?