Partner went on my phone whilst I was in the shower

And an incognito male is actually posting if a woman says a man checked her phone and discovered something.

You're lucky he stayed

I'd have no problems with DP going through my phone. But then I know he won't find messages on there about me fancying another man like mad.

If it was a man doing that then all hell would break loose and everyone would be telling you to leave him.
You're no better than these men we all complain about.

I've gone through my bf's messages in the past. It has been when I've felt something is off. I felt like he wasn't communicating and I knew he would be talking to his bff. I
Not the mature way to handle it but we managed to sort it out partially because of my snooping. If he otherwise doesn't do this and is not in general insecure. My guess is rather you've been off.

Me neither

@Epicaricacy

Yes, that's the only 2 options, what a pitiful life you are living 😂

If you think it's normal to act upon attraction, it's your choice.

But I understand you need to reassure yourself that it's the way to stay with someone for so long, enjoy. I obviously touched a nerve looking at your reply, it tells me all I needed to know - not that I actually care about your little relationship.

That's quite funny as I assumed your snippy response touched a nerve. You seem ultra sensitive to the suggestion that a partner would be attracted to someone else. As I have been happily married for decades there's not really anything I'm that sensitive or bothered about in our little 🙄relationship. I don't particularly like posters being twatty to others for no good reason on MN but that's just me.

Yes, that's the only 2 options, what a pitiful life you are living.

Actually was mirroring your either/or but gave you the courtesy of putting it into a question (don't think you do nuance). They seem to be your two options. You seem judgy and unworldly.

If you think it's normal to act upon attraction, it's your choice.

I think a bit of harmless flirting isn't abnormal, no. Like I, quite clearly, said carrying it on into something more serious is a no-no (in my book), And the thought that my OH might find someone else attractive doesn't blow my mind. If you want to try to police your partner's brain, well, like I said before good luck with that, but I would imagine that's quite controlling and unpleasant for them.

After all this time I really don't need any reassurance about my relationship😂, That's hillarious. We're fortunate. It just seems to work and luckily we don't have to overlook anything. Can only wish you the same some day.

Thanks for all the little put-downs. I could say that they tell me all I need to know about you but I wouldn't be such a knob as to read a few lines from a random stranger and smugly announce how much I know about their lives. I think I've seen some of your other MN replies and seem to remember you like to doll out a bit of nasty.

Feel free to twist my words again but I won't be reading or responding to any of your posts. I'm sure you'll want the last word 😆

👌🙌

Unreasonable, seems you have no trust and should question the relationship continuing.

I would also have no issue with my husband using my phone and vice versa.

I agree. I feel for your husband. He obviously knew something was wrong. Yes he shouldn't have been on your phone but I would have been very, very upset if I was him. I can't blame him for not trusting you.

It sounds like you "got caught" and are trying to turn it into someone else's fault!

Only women are allowed to check their partner's phone when suspecting infidelity. For so 'tis written.

He shouldn't have looked at your phone. But what you've done is worse.

The advice always given to women posting on MN about 'spidey senses' is to check his phone. That's what the OP's partner has done.

He's probably picked up on the fact that you're not entirely happy in the relationship.

That's why I checked my husband's messages anyway. And confirmed my suspicions.

Do the right thing and let him go.

It feels like a man has written this.

so if your partner was texting his mate saying he’d met someone, had intense feelings, was flirting, you’d be all well that’s ok? We all do it?

I’m really not sure the argument he breached your privacy is going to get you out of jail here. I mean it’s one things to get the hots for someone it’s a whole other thing to be texting your mate about it.

Wow
he did what many women are advised to on here. Trust your gut, check up on your partner.
he found something which indicated you hadn’t been truthful, and your head had been turned.

if he posted as a woman he’d be fully supported, told to get his ducks in a row and leave you. You would almost certainly be assumed to have done more than you’d shared.

you have behaved badly. He did something that wasn’t great but is normally fully accepted on here if it’s a woman doing it

“Just to clarify, nothing happened between the two of us it was purely kept professional but whilst I was on my travels, other than the constant eye contacts and maybe a little bit of flirting.”

You’re lying in your post even here 🙄
I was a phone checker once, driven to it my a cheating XH.
I’d go nuts if my current husband checking my phone. So hands up to hypocrisy.
But it does leave me not always assuming a phone checker is a controlling arsehole.

Anyway. Stop lying, and split up.

Do you really think your (actual or past) partner has been and is only ever attracted to you? Oh dear. That's quite endearing although unrealistic, naive and not how human beings work. Good luck believing that though.

Are you a jealous watchful partner whose OH daren't put a foot out of step or a judgy person, with a broomstick up your ae, that thinks everyone should stamp down their feelings and try to live like robots?

Yes, that's the only 2 options, what a pitiful life you are living 😂

If you think it's normal to act upon attraction, it's your choice.

But I understand you need to reassure yourself that it's the way to stay with someone for so long, enjoy. I obviously touched a nerve looking at your reply, it tells me all I needed to know - not that I actually care about your little relationship.

@Epicaricacy

Either you are a doormat with low self esteem, or you treat your own partner like shit.

Not that it's any of your business but I am neither. Will have been with OH for forty years next year. Do you think, all that time, I have never fancied another man or had a bit of a flirt? Would OH have done the same, probably, but I'm secure enough in our relationship that it doesn't bother me. Wouldn't have done it under OH's nose or do anything to hurt him. I haven't "majorly" done anything about it, ie not acted in a way to show 'the door was open'. I haven't kissed another man in 39 years and am pretty sure OH has been 100% faithful too. Luckily we still have a strong supportive relationship with an understanding of each other's flaws and plus points. And that is more info than you deserve. So your either/or is totally wrong, but probably is more telling of you and your own life.

You are really happy for your partner to be attracted to someone else as long as they don't majorly act upon it?

Do you really think your (actual or past) partner has been and is only ever attracted to you? Oh dear. That's quite endearing although unrealistic, naive and not how human beings work. Good luck believing that though.

Are you a jealous watchful partner whose OH daren't put a foot out of step or a judgy person, with a broomstick up your a**e, that thinks everyone should stamp down their feelings and try to live like robots?

Is this a reverse? If not, it seems like you have checked out of your relationship and he knows it, hence the snooping.

And why did this guy you had just met via work give you a hug? 🤔 Doesn’t sound professional, does it?

End this one and see if Mark is available.