Partner went on my phone whilst I was in the shower

It's over. The relationship is bad all around.

He obviously felt something was up, so looked at your phone. This is exactly the sort of advice often meted out on here.

You were foolish enough to put all that into writing in text messages to your friend? Unbelievable.

Honestly, people incriminate themselves far too much with technology. If you fancy a bit of someone else then pick up the phone or chat in person but dont go writing emails or texts or adding new friends on facebook. It's asking for trouble. People have always been like this but proof is off the scale now as people are careless.

He doesn’t trust you, and rightly so. He can do better.

Well they do. There have been a fair few 'rumpuses' about it on MN posts. Posters saying "I looked/snooped on DP's phone and found out this..." and they get called out for it.

We are pretty open with phones in our house, but understand that not everyone is like that.

My sentiments on this thread would be exactly the same if the sexes were reversed.

Yet lots of women 'accidentally' go through their husband's messages etc and no-one ever says she's 'violated' his privacy. Wonder why that is?

he smelt a rat and he found one

The hypocrisy is staggering unreal but highly amusing

exactly 😂😂😂

totally harmless for women to have a crush, flirt and go into great details with their friends how they fancy someone else and everything else that was said on this thread
but wait until they come across a message or a phone conversation when their DH says the same thing, that always goes well 😂.

It’s laughable isn’t it? I wish I could say I’m surprised but the majority of MNetters tend to think that the man is always in the wrong and women are automatically victims

He did exactly what a woman is often advised to do here when her senses are yelling at her that something is wrong with her partner. Something different, something off.

If a woman does the detective work and discover he's had his head turned, he's having an emotional affair, etc etc, we advise her to get her ducks in a row and LTB.

Then when he turns round and accuses her of violating his privacy, being the bad guy, we tell her about DARVO.

You're him.

This site cracks me up 😂

If he went away, she’d be encouraged to snoop his phone, she’d find these messages, he’d be accused of having emotional affair and consensus would be she should LTB.

Whereas he’s checked her phone and found these messages, yet she’s done nothing wrong, therefore he’s invaded her privacy and as a result she should LTB.

The hypocrisy is staggering unreal but highly amusing 😆😆😆😆

I would hate the lack of trust and invasion of privacy.

However your partner clearly has reason to feel worried - you are looking outside your relationship and no doubt he senses this. ('Nothing happened' is often said but I'm not sure that infidelity is simply a physical act.)

He was really wrong to snoop but his suspicions were really right.

Trusted his spidey senses and caught his sleezey cheating partner out, fair play to him.

He clearly has reason to and I'm sure you have given him reason before by the sounds of it. Yet he will be the bad one here even though you were wrong.

What's "awall"?

If someone feels like they need to check partners phone just end the relationship. Clearly there’s no trust - either someone is up to no good or there are jealousy and control issues. Neither are good.

I agree with @Mothership4two though. Of course you’ll meet people you fancy at some points in life, you don’t lose that just because you’re in a relationship. I have a group chat with friends, 90% of whom are in relationships, where we’ve discussed people we’ve met that we felt that way about. We’re all women. It’s a safe space to talk about this stuff. Feeling it isn’t a crime. Acting on it, that’s where the problem starts.

OP your partner has every right to check your phone, you’ve obviously checked out of the relationship after having your head turned. They should be getting all their documents together and sneaking them safely to a trusted friends house. They should copy all financial documents and get their ducks in a row ready to leave you for the beginning of this emotional affair, you’ve clearly done more than your willing to admit here!

AH CRAP WAIT, your partner is a man, sorry that’s different, the bastard has NO RIGHT to go through your phone, you should leave him for his HUGE breach of trust, you should be allowed to discuss a guy you have giddy feelings for at length with a friend and you have obviously never given your partner any signs that you don’t think much of him because he’s not an attractive older guy, with a much better career than he’s got currently, all the things you want in a man that your partner hasn’t lived up too!

As very proper aunt says "just because you're on a diet doesn't mean you can't look at the menu". A bit of harmless flirting is fine when you're content in your relationship.

But don't commit in writing to anything you wouldn't want quoted back at you.

My God the faux outrage on here 😂 as if anyone is going to go though a ltr or long marriage and never fancy anyone else.

Women are not dead from the waist down.

I've been married for over 20 years, I'm perfectly certain my husband will have found other women sexually attractive.

The OP had a crush on a man she met briefly and had a giddy conversation with a friend about it.

She didn't shag him, or even snog him. It was a brief and harmless flirtation. Literally some eye contact and a rush of hormones.

Christ the sheer volume of men that cheat, watch porn, use sex workers and go to strip clubs, but no let's burn this hussy for.......feelings.

Going through your partner's phone however in secret is not harmless.

Dump him OP

Your partner felt something was off and felt the need to check. That may not be the right thing to do, but what you’ve done is worse. We all look at others and think “oh he’s nice” or the other way around. But telling your friend you’re experiencing feelings for this man is entirely different, in my opinion. If I found messages on my husbands phone telling a friend how much he fancies a woman he met and can’t stop thinking about her I’d be incredibly hurt. You need to reflect on this. It sounds like the relationship is probably over. You’ve broken his trust, and yes he’s broken yours by checking your phone. But he felt the need to and found something. Fancying someone else isn’t the issue here imo, it’s acting on it. The flirting, and the telling your friend how much you like him is acting on it.

Your poor Partner.

Not only are you having intense feelings for another man, you have so little respect for your Partner, that you are texting your mates about this. It's such a betrayal.

If you were in love with your Partner, you wouldn't be gushing about other men.

I think your Partners probably picked up on the fact you're not happy, or behaving out of sorts, so he's looked at your phone. And it's confirmed his suspicions.

The relationship is dead.

I have no problem lending my DH my phone, if his isn't to hand. To check the weather, or google something. Who cares? I have nothing to hide. He certainly wouldn't find any messages to my friends about having intense feelings for another man.

I don't think there's any coming back from this.

And please don't make this about him looking at your phone, as what you have done is far worse. That would be gaslighting of epic proportions.

Get your partner to post on here so I can comment ‘you need to leave.’

Yes of course no one should go through their partners phone but he clearly had a feeling so had a peep, I would have done the same. Not only did you meet someone and feel a ‘connection’ with them. You spoke about it with a friend, pretty disrespectful to your parter if I’m honest

well he’s not actually found anything, i’m sure if you went though his phone there’s worse being shared between him and his friends.

he has just hurt himself, it’s unfortunate but his own fault. no idea what he was going for reading messages between you and your friend.

she wasn’t ’meeting men’ she was on a business trip!