Partner went on my phone whilst I was in the shower

If this was a reverse and a woman found messages on her DPs phone about a woman, I bet your answer wouldn't be the same!

If that was the case I anticipate you'd be saying that he should apologise and she should be keeping an eye on his phone!

Sorry, am I reading a different post to you?

What has OP 'done' exactly?

Felt a spark of attraction, looked at someone, exhibited body language and speech patterns typical of someone experiencing high levels of dopamine and norepinephrine...

How awful of her! How dare her brain produce such chemicals, how absolute dare she allow her body to behave like this!

And then, to compound this awful behaviour further she's talked it through with a friend, presumably in order to decide what she should do?

Welllll... thats just fucking outrageous really.

You’re flirting with another other guy, telling your friend about it but your partner is wrong for checking your phone?
You sound too immature to be in a committed relationship OP if your eyes are wondering.
He deserves better

Honestly, he obviously had some sort of feeling something happened whilst you were away so checked your phone, he was right.
If I found out my husband fancied someone else and was talking about these feelings to his mate, I’m sorry, that would be us over.

It’s ok to find other people attractive, I mean we all look at others and think ‘she’s pretty’ ‘he’s sexy’ or whatever, but to fancy someone else (different to finding someone good looking) whilst in a relationship? That’s a concern.

So you are basically mad you got caught, he found messages where you're telling your friend you had intense feelings for someone else and you're mad at him ? Fair enough going through your messages isn't good but sounds like he had reason to be suspicious .
This relationship needs to end your lasting after other men and he doesn't trust you ,it's done

so partner going through your phone is end of relationship but not the fact she’s ogling at other men and then bragging about it to friends?

At first I thought disrespectful checking your phone - but he did have reason and probably sensed something was up instinct is real. You would prefer some him to be like someone else. He def does not deserve you - you're a gold digger.

Thoughts?? Well you broke the trust me by telling your mate how much you fancy another bloke. He isn’t in the wrong here you are.

Don’t mind me, I’m just here for the expected MN double standards, carry on everyone.

Hooray! I agree with this post.

Also long time married, never cheated and, of course, have been attracted to other people.

It's what marriage is: an agreement to "forsake all others for as long as we both shall live." If it was easy, it wouldn't be a commitment.

I think as others have said I would question if this relationship is right.

There is nothing wrong with being attracted someone else but even how you have described feeling giddy about him shows that this is more than just thinking someone is attractive. You have also intimated your partner is not what you want (in comparing him to Mark).

Your partner shouldn’t be checking your phone and clearly he was looking for something? Or there is more going on? Could he have somehow thought there was someone else?

In honesty I would have a serious think about whether you want to be with your partner and have a conversation with him… why stay with someone you don’t want to be with?

Such an obvious 'wind em up and watch 'em go' thread. Must do better OP. 🥱

This!!!! You’ll be annihilated on mumsnet for this entire scenario I’m sure but he should not be checking your phone and he has purposefully waited for you to be out
of sight which is even more conniving. You spoke about something in confidence with a friend, you expressed guilt for the way you were feeling and spoke openly as though you weren’t being monitored (which you shouldn’t have been) and he obliterated that trust.

I’d acknowledge the issue with him that you were struggling with having a crush on someone else, but that simultaneously does not and will never give him the right to betray your trust and violate your privacy.

Exactly what I was thinking. There's another thread at the moment where a woman has gone through her partners phone and found his location info then become suspicious about it. Everyone on there has been encouraging her to follow him and find out where he's going, and apparently going through his phone was absolutely fine. A man does it and he's in the wrong

End the relationship. This doesn't sound healthy.

But if you arnt going to do that...then honestly just delete messages like these moving forward. Its fine what happened with Mark and it's fine you told a friend about it but leaving the messages on your phone was a bad call tbh.

I understand why your partner is upset, but then he shouldn't have gone through your phone. Why did he? He shouldn't have done it but then also it sounds like his suspicion/ concerns were valid considering you did have all this stuff on your phone.

How many times have you flirted with other men? We need to get away from making those that have looked through a phone (man or woman) as some kind of controlling stalker. Yes there are people like that, but plenty look through a partners phone because they are giving off vibes that they aren't being faithful.

And indeed women on here are always given the advice to do just that, to trust their gut and their spidey senses.

If you were truly happy with your relationship then you wouldn't have had your eye turned.

Do the right thing and end the relationship.

He probably felt the need to do it because of your behavior no doubt. And he was right! Don't be in a loyal committed relationship when there is no trust on his part and zero loyalty on your part. Imagine how he felt seeing that? Like a betrayed laughing stock no doubt. Just messaging a friend to say how awesome another guy is. Leave him for his own good. For everyone saying you shouldn't check partners phone, if they had nothing to hide it wouldn't be an issue would it. He's probably paranoid about this shitty behavior!

Awall?

On another thread someone commented that they reckoned that half of mumsnetters were actually men pretending to be women. I laughed at the time. Now, reading the outrage over a married woman fancying someone other than her husband, I'm not so sure.

'This isn't the first time he's checked my phone behind my back'

How many times have you flirted with other men? We need to get away from making those that have looked through a phone (man or woman) as some kind of controlling stalker. Yes there are people like that, but plenty look through a partners phone because they are giving off vibes that they aren't being faithful.

If you are getting 'urges' and 'really fancy Mark', end the relationship now before you make things worse.

apparently it's a perfectly normal feeling when you are a married woman!

Savage indeed.

Right?!

Maybe your partner is a secret MN-er and was just following all the advice to check your phone?

Crushes etc are normal but going on about how this guy is everything your partner isn't is another level entirely.

Are you genuinely saying that you wouldn't be heartbroken if your partner said that about you?

It's over. Move on.

Mark was also older, had a good career everything I would like my partner to be, so maybe that's why the attraction was there...

Just plain savage.