Hi everyone, please be kind as I am really struggling. This is absolutely not a child or neighbour bashing thread. Noone is particularly in the wrong, I just need some practical advice to get through.
I live in a terraced house and I just cannot cope with the noise from my neighbour. They have a toddler and baby - the toddler in particular is very loud and screams often, and the parents are very loud. The thing I really struggle with is that the whole day is a running commentary from the mum to the children and she has a loud voice. Their door is often open and they are usually in the garden. So the noise is quite loud and it's constant. As its not antisocial, e.g. loud music at 1am, I don't feel I can say anything. But it is massively affecting my mental health and I can't cope anymore.
I find all of this noise so upsetting as there is nowhere in my house that I can go to avoid it. For example now I am just sat in bed unable to get up and have had constant noise since 7. It seems to paralyse me. I have stopped using my garden because there is no peace. I am neurodiverse and desperately need some quiet time to recharge, and I get to the point where I just have to go and cry somewhere to let it out. I have tried being out of the house most of the day or going out in the evening but this causes me more stress with more people and noises and I am just exhausted, because it's even less peaceful. I can't escape and despite it being my house I don't have control over 'my' space - I feel like my private life has been taken away. I appreciate that not everyone is affected this way by noisy neighbours and lots of people 'get on with it' but this isn't the case for me and trust me I would love more than anything to not care. I am desperately looking to move but it's so difficult. It is also impacting my partner as by the time he comes home I'm frazzled and for example can't deal with him putting even quiet music on if he wants to.
I ABSOLUTELY understand that children are noisy, and that people are entitled to live as they wish in their home. They are not necessarily doing anything wrong, and they are not bad people. But I don't think they are aware of just how much noise they make and how much it is impacting me. It is CONSTANT. I feel completely stuck as I don't want to upset them, or make things difficult for them, but I would like to find a way to ask them to be a little more mindful of the noise and try to reduce it some times. For example, I'd really like to be able to relax in the garden just a couple of hours a week, and perhaps they could close their back door? Or if the kids are screaming for a long time, perhaps they could take them inside? Or ideally use softer voices outside? I don't know what to reasonably ask for or how to do it.
It feels to me like they are living their life with no understanding of being in a terraced house, whereas I really try to keep my noise down and be considerate. I am a people pleaser and hate upsetting people. She has complained about one-off noise from me (we're not taking about parties or anything terrible here!) and immediately picks up on anything I do, and so I do feel like there are different rules for us and I live in a bit of fear of impacting them or upsetting then. E.g. I wouldn't dream of playing music with the door open, but they often do.
Again I am not interested in either slagging them off or slagging me off. We are just two people living our lives, but I just really need some practical advice as to how to address this carefully and kindly for both of us. I have tried everything from leaving the house to playing music to wearing noise cancelling earbuds constantly. All of this just exhausts me more. At the same time they cannot help having children, and I cannot help being neurodiverse. I have really really tried to not let it affect me, i haven't done anything to impact them or ask them to change anything at this point, and I don't want to upset them. Perhaps if they knew the impact on me they would try a little to keep it down. I'm hoping they are just unaware of how much their voices travel.
Sorry that was long, it's hard to get it across in the right way. Has anyone got any advice?