Can't cope with neighbour noise

I think much more likely is that it will antagonise the situation and paint OP in a very unreasonable light.

I'm so sorry OP. Have you tried something like Loop earplugs? They're very discreet and come in different types / levels of noise cancelling. They're not like noise-cancelling headphones which, as you say, work best with music, but are intended for noise management in their own right. (I swear I\m not shilling for them, but many of my neurodiverse friends have them and find them useful for exactly this type of situation). https://www.loopearplugs.com/

Have you tried the loop earbud things, could they work for you?

Have you tried calmers or loops op? I don't think that they sound like the kind of people who would be quieter if you asked them.

This.

I think a lot of people just don't know how loud they are or don't consider others.

I love quiet and agree it's my issue and I can't impose my standards on other people but I live by a river which I walk along daily.

'My' side of the river has houses way above it and is a bit of a challenging walk, the other side has houses with a paved area in front but then the river.

Nearly every day as i'm walking between 6-7 am there are joggers on the other side in pairs running past peoples front doors talking and laughing so loudly I hear them from the other side of the river. Or carrying 'phones belting out music.

Before 7am. If it was later in the day it might seem more reasonable but before 7 a lot if not most people will be in bed.

They either don't know how loud they're being or just don't care about disturbing other people.

What time do they go to bed?

You can’t really ask them to be quiet OP, as much as that isn’t what you want to hear. Family life with young children IS a bit noisy, it is a lot of playing, running, communicating (louder than 2 adults would), in and out of the garden, back doors open etc. They aren’t doing anything wrong and I think any attempt to tell them to be quiet will be badly received because it is unreasonable, no matter how kindly you try to phrase it.

Yes I'm serious. Some people have no idea how loud their voice is, or if it carries. If a neighbour knocked on my door and said they could hear every word i said I would be mortified and would try to moderate my voice especially in the evenings.

My DH has a booming voice, and it's painful to everybody's ears when he gets excited when driving. It's almost like he's shouting but not. He never used to be like that.

Noise cancelling headphones. In-ear, over ear, buds, try a few before you find a comfortable model. Neighbours did their extension last summer and I was lounging in my garden unbothered, listening to "tropical nature sounds" from Spotify in my earphones with zero outside noise.

I feel for you OP. One of my attached neighbours has a real “booming” voice which bounces through the adjoining walls when he talks. Thankfully he doesn’t talk much but blimey when he has a phone conversation I hear every word!

id look at Loop earplugs.

I can sympathise to an extent - I love peace and quiet - but they are doing nothing wrong, it’s that simple. By speaking to them you’re likely to antagonise them and thus cause you more stress. They won’t change and there’s no need for them to. Also I think you’re being pretty childish when you said in your last post the situation is “unfair”.

What’s the issues regarding moving? Is it purely lack of finances because I can’t understand why you’re still there.

That's true, but that's not what the OP has described - baby or toddler screaming/crying at times. Babies and toddlers don't 'learn' not to get upset, not at that age. Parents 'constant commentary' to the children. IE interacting with them. Not screaming at them. Is the parent meant to ignore the children when she's with them?

I totally understand that the noise of children can be wearing, but it doesn't mean the OP has grounds to tell her neighbour to be quiet. And it may well just make things awkward if she does.

I've said already on the thread I like story quiet myself, so I'm not defending the neighbour because I think kids should run riot, far from from it, but that's not the situation the OP has described at all.

It seems really unfair that I have to live very quietly and in fear of making a noise that upsets them

You don't have to do that at all, though. She can complain all she likes, you don't have to listen to her - just as she doesn't have to listen to you.

Yeah I think you are going to have to move sadly.

I don't think there's much you can do, nothing you've described is exceptional, you just don't like hearing it. I'm sat in my terrace house with the door open and there's always some noise, drilling, sirens, traffic, sometimes music, the teenager next door drumming etc etc.
When my children were young I didn't let them outside too early and I discourage screaming and don't allow shouting inside, but if someone had complained about hearing me talk to my children-well what do they seriously want? Unless there's someth8ng you've left out, I think you need to come to terms with it.

BOOTS…wax earplugs. That’s all I can advise. They mould to your ear, but they are soft, so not too uncomfortable. I’m ND and they got me through living in UNI social housing 🥴😬 I’ve used them many times next to my snoring husband. Distant noise they block out and almost block all close noise too. I know you shouldn’t have to but as they aren’t doing anything wrong as such, you’re sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place. Another thing, yes and babies make noise, but they also copy parents…the apple doth not fall far from the tree. 😅

Oh bless you. You’re not being unreasonable but I agree with others that neither are they unfortunately. I do wonder if they actually realise that they can be heard so clearly? Perhaps play some music really loud for a short while so that they can hear how loud things are?

Not that you should have to, but have you tried noise cancelling headphones just to get a bit of peace and quiet?

Ok. I have dealt with some noise matters.

Op's case seem to be overly stated so it is unclear what the issues are.
The main problem Op has is that she is at her end of the tether- it is never a good time to speak to anyone when you are this desperate. She admitted to being a people pleaser. Does it mean OP is also shy and neither her nor her 'neighbour' ever said hello to each other?

With neighbours, it 'pays' to have a civil relationship with, even a nod/ smile of acknowledgement when you meet at doors at same time pays.

Many many times, I could have raised issues with neighbours about kids behaviour etc but we ere on good terms so I let it slide.

What OP should have done or need to do in her next home, is mention the noise in a normal conversation. I would say something like: "God, how are you? I hope you manage to get some rest with the toddler and baby, as even I can hear the noise and sometimes just have to leave the house to get a break'. Then say, you understand her situation and maybe not much she can do about it.

Trust me, many people would try to keep the noise down- in as much as possible- if a neighbour mentioned that in a polite manner.

Your issue now, is it is past polite innocent convo as it is affecting your mental health. Maybe get a friend to visit you and ask the friend to go over to attempt the friendly conversation. Good luck.

Well you can control how loud your voice is, you sont need to be shouting for example, kids don't need to be screaming and ahoukd be told to tone it down otherwise how will they learn to be mindful of their behaviour in public places.

We lived with neighbours like you. We constantly worried about our kids making too much noise. We were constantly telling our children to be quiet / laugh more quietly in their own home. I think our neighbours hadn’t had kids, but also didn’t expect people to live with kids in flats. Maybe when they were younger all families could afford a house. But this is now and we couldn’t. It was a three bedroom flat in a great school catchment. What did they expect?

The relief was IMMENSE when we moved. Such a weight off our shoulders. No child should ever be told to laugh more quietly.

As someone who lives in flats with really noisy neighbors I know how you feel and it does effect your mental health. I find having white noise on in the background really drowns it out and makes me feel I can relax more easily

I agree. I don’t think it’s “normal” to shout through the doors when you live in a terraced house. However I do think it is becoming normalised, which is a shame. You can tell by the number of comments about “normal family noise” (I suspect by the same people who give their toddlers iPads without headphones on planes and trains, and answer calls on speaker in shops).

Without us being in OP's house and hearing it for ourselves, we can't say whether it's shouting or just people calling out to each other.

I'm not accusing OP of lying, it's just I know that as a neurodiverse, noise-sensitive person myself, what I interpret as shouting is often just normal noise.

Talk to them. I’m neurodiverse and noise sensitive . I’ve spoken to my team at work about the difficulties I have and many have been helpful and the situation has improved.
I know that this is largely my issue. People are generally kind .

They can’t make it better if they don’t know.