Can't cope with neighbour noise

As someone who had very loud neighbours with a screaming baby and 4 noisy barking dogs in a 2 bed terrace with no garden I totally get it. Loop earplugs were a game changer

Unfortunately we have neighbours who have friends over talking loudly til 2.30am and we play the stereo against the party wall from 6am Sunday morning back at them....they then just had friends over the following Saturday! @TammyJones so your friend's approach doesn't always work...

OP, you have my sympathies. I struggle to cope with noise. Also living in a terraced row, it's the noise late into the night whilst trying to sleep that gets to me. Her loud voice carries during the day but I can thankfully go outdoors or turn up my TV to block her out. But at night, my bed is my sanctuary that I am denied because they have friends over talking loudly all through the night.

I would not bother speaking to her OP. She obviously has no consideration and if she was it wouldn't have carried on as long as it has.

What happened in the end?

Sorry OP, sounds tough.

However sounds like they’re just living a normal life with kids. It’s you that is suffering and personally think it’s unreasonable to ask them to change in their own home.

You really need to move house into better suited accommodation allowing quiet. I think that’s the only realistic solution.

Um.... you've just answered your own question
Have an adult conversation about keeping her noise down ...or start playing your guitar the minute she starts yorpping
My friend lived in a semi.
One night loud music till late.
The following Sunday morning my friend got up at 6 am and turned his stereo in full blast..... never heard a peep from them again.

No advice, I'm afraid, OP, only sympathy. I have ADHD and living in a terraced house with noise sensitivity nearly did me in. I hope you can find some respite - I completely understand what it's like when you feel your all-important safe space is invaded by noise.

I agree. It sounds like you need something that just isn’t going to happen.

Alternatively I wonder if some sort of counselling would help?

Loop earplugs have been a lifesaver for me with neighbours breeding dogs that bark 24/7 in a very small terraced house

In my experience people can’t just suddenly talk at a different volume when asked - it sounds like she may have ADHD and much like you can’t just turn off your neurodiversity and dislike of constant noise she is unlikely to be able to turn off hers and stop talking.

As I'm not a native speaker I'm thankful for being corrected if there are misplaced or misspelled words in my texts..

Hey there.

From experience ( I'm not living in terraced housing but in a neighborhood where house+garden are quite close to each other and there are mostly no fences) Our direct neighbours are not neglient about their kids but they believe quite strongly in "free" development and are not setting boundaries to their kids as I set boundaries for my kids. As I'm neurodiverse as well and just know how you are feeling about the hole confrontation stuff - you have to start getting confrontational.
For your peace of mind. You are clearly able to reflect yourself and with that in mind you can get peace without annoying people.
I couldn't cope with my neighbours kids as you can't cope with yours ( or the mum) being overly noisy (they're not doing something obviously wrong but overstepping your personal boundaries)
Tell them as you told us in your original post, be considerate but firmly. And live with their possible reaction. If that's hard for you, think about what's the worst that can happen. You are not emotional attached to them in anyway nor is it impossible to move away. Maybe not now but it is a possibility. There will be more people in your life you have to piss off.
And also take into account, the vast majority of people are not reacting reasonable to criticism. Nor thankful incase your criticism helps them and nor would they need to be.

I mean, maybe she'll be pissed of being asked turning her noise down but it's quite possible it's not you but her being angry with herself for getting emotional very fast or whatever.

One communication technique is, saying something nice about them( like you've got a nice garden, you must spend a lot of time outside ect) and then saying something along the line of it must be hard with two small kids ect) Or invite her over for something to drink, try finding common ground. She doesn't need to be your ( best) friend but it helps creating acquaintance.

So. Please give an update on the situation, I'd be quite interested in what worked for both of you in the end.

Bye

I lived next to that kind of family for almost 10 years and I hardly ever went in my garden because of it. I was tense every day and stressed and hated living there. I moved and now I love being in this new house. It’s so quiet. I don’t need to play music to try and drown them out anymore. I’ve only heard the neighbours a couple of times so far and only for short periods of time. It’s lovely.

@Billybob10 lol yeah you're right there, but I also think some level of noise is to be expected with small children - and the law agrees as normal family noise isn't counted under any of the antisocial noise laws.

YANBU. I've lived in many places exactly like this, and people who witter on about families being allowed to make noise just don't understand what it's like (or care). Where I live now there's a lot of noise (the estate's kids all congregate outside our row of houses, kick balls off cars and scream persistently, and my NDN but one can't speak at a normal volume but has to shout, so her kids also shout, etc.) but it's not constant so it's more bearable.

Unfortunately these days the majority of people couldn't give a stuff about anyone but their family, and think that having kids means that they can make as much noise as they like because the council can't do anything. It's bloody awful.

If I were you I'd just stop being so kind and live life at a normal, considerate volume rather than church mouse volume. If she texts, tell her you can hear her as well and it's just terrace living eh?

I wouldn't bother with an active request as speaking from experience, anyone who makes that much noise without making any adjustments for their neighbours couldn't give a fuck about anyone else.

I do think parents become noise blind, I don’t have kids and when I see my friensa with there’s. (6 & 9) they run around screaming top note and they seem oblivious. Where as my inner self if cringing lol

Op this is me. I don't think that people care these days how much ' normal' noise they make. I'm nd, and I have suffered most with loud extroverts next door the mother's voice was like a fucking cheese grater on my brain. They moved thank fuck , I also cringe at bouncing balls and footballs hanging against fences it literally makes me feel sick. The only thing I can do is headphones, they go on when kids are around, and stay on until late at night.bi don't use my garden either because even with the headphones I can hear them. We can't move, we can't afford to, if you can move do so and choose carefully, I presume you are young as you're still working, but my dream would be a quiet apartment in an over 55 place. I wouldn't be being careful with my noise though op , go in the garden and play your music, at a reasonable level, if she tells you to turn it down, just say naaaaah, it's so i can't hear your kids love. Like the pp says she can tell you to turn it down you don't have listen.

Seriously look into sound proofing your walls. It might save you all.

Do have a little word with them, they might not be aware.

The kids will grow up.

also, with upset kids, it’s really not always practical to move them back inside, and may actually prolong the tantrum (especially if the reason the child tantrumed in the first place was because they didn’t want to leave the house!)

I sympathise with you OP but given she was happy to pull you up on noise immediately but appears to have no self awareness of her own noise, I doubt she will be receptive to your conversation and I’d worry that she may escalate out of spite….

If noise cancelling headphones aren’t helping, short term I would look seriously into sound proofing your house (even one room?) and long term,
at moving to a more rural location

I sympathise… I lived in a terrace house,( owned) which was next door to a council house. The previous neighbours were not noisy. This family moved in and it was just awful… the kids constantly screaming and yelling, the adults yelling at each other ( all hours) people coming and going ( all hours), the smell of weed permeating through the walls, the sound of a trampoline being bounced on nearly drove me insane, not to mention the kids climbing on a frame and looking into our garden or wrecking our fence by climbing over to retrieve footballs etc etc etc.
They were not the sort of people you could complain to… we kept a diary for the council, but little was done.
In a funny way, I was glad my marriage broke up to get out of there.
There is just no need for excessive noise. I didn’t allow my kids to be over noisy when they were younger, and to have respect for the neighbours.

Op, you have my sympathy. When I was growing up and when my kids were small we were considerate to those around us - it’s vulgar and brash to be shrieking all the time and I don’t care how old and stuffy that makes me sound. The level of entitled parenting that goes on these days is shocking. My only advice, apart from to really try and look into moving even if it’s to a new area (easier said than done, I know) would be to live your life - play your guitar, have friends in the garden, and when she complains see this as an ideal moment to explain to her that the noise levels that come from her house are unacceptable most of the time and what is she doing about it? Of course she’ll retort that kids are kids blah blah but hopefully if you stand her ground it might make her a little more aware. She sounds vile though, so ultimately I’d consider moving even if it’s to another terrace - just check out the neighbours first!

Do they have neighbours at the other side of them? Might be worth talking to them.
Also, surely they aren't in the house all day? With a toddler and a baby they must go out for a couple of hours at some point to give you some peace?

Wear ear defenders. Lots of people with autism wear them to manage noise

I'm autistic my neighbours drive me mad with music at crazy levels all day every day at weekends so can't use the garden and parties.

Highly recommend white/pink/brown noise depending on your type of neurodiversity some are better than others. Bbc sounds cbeebies calming sounds is what I use.

Loop earplugs are fab

@@Aspierational Aspie here and I moved to a detached house for that very reason after going almost insane from stress with stompy upstairs neighbours.

It was great - then they all had kids and now that summer is here the noise is unbearable, constant screaming and balls being booted off the fence. We're selling up again. Note to aspies, new build estates aimed at families are not peaceful environments.